From my spam inbox:
show details Mar 23 (1 day ago)
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Hello,
How are you today? I hope you are fine. If so thank be to God almigthy.
please excuse me, I saw your contact email while browsing through the internet so I decided to contact you despite that I
have not seen you in person. My name is Edith, 23 years from Democratic Republic Of Congo in Central Africa. I am single girl looking for honest and nice person. Somebody who care and fear God whom I can partner with. I don't care about your colour or ethnicity.
I would like to know you more, most especially what you like and what you
dislike.I'm sending you this beautiful mail, with a wish for much happiness.
Thanks and God bless.
Love from,
Edith Patrick
How are you today? I hope you are fine. If so thank be to God almigthy.
please excuse me, I saw your contact email while browsing through the internet so I decided to contact you despite that I
have not seen you in person. My name is Edith, 23 years from Democratic Republic Of Congo in Central Africa. I am single girl looking for honest and nice person. Somebody who care and fear God whom I can partner with. I don't care about your colour or ethnicity.
I would like to know you more, most especially what you like and what you
dislike.I'm sending you this beautiful mail, with a wish for much happiness.
Thanks and God bless.
Love from,
Edith Patrick
 Reply | Forward |
Dear Edith,
Thank be to God almighty that you found my email address. You won't believe this, but I AM honest AND nice person AND I care and fear God. That's 4 for 4. What are the odds.
I'm a little fuzzy on the whole "partnering with" thing, so if you could be a little more specific I would be thankful to God.
So! On to my "likes and dislikes".
Likes: sleeping, mojitos, valet parking, disco rollerskating, snow days (because of the sleeping), pedicure chairs that have that massage button, cool ranch Doritos, skorts, Robert Pattinson's jawline, the Electric Slide, pistachio nuts, self-tanner, those mascot guys that restaurants hire to wave at traffic, The Outback's chopped salad, EZ Pass, people who sing alone in their cars, really large hoop earrings, the crunchy part of turkey stuffing, the Geek Squad, cold chardonnay, and the Swiffer mariachi guys.
Dislikes: Good n' Plenty, ants, brain freeze, people who catch you singing alone in your car, historical fiction, sesame seeds, when your arm falls asleep in the middle of the night, Celine Dion, Harry Potter, figs, cruisewear, and that beginning part of the car wash where you have to line up your tire.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks be to God almighty.
Happy Hour Sue
58 comments:
Hi there,
Just visited your blog and I enjoyed your posts. I can relate to some of them
I wonder if you'd be interested to exchange links with me? I'm mom to a 14-month-old boy and I love blogging about my experiences as a mom. My blog is at RaisingDaniel.com. You can visit it and then let me know what you think.
Cheers,
Althea
GREAT post. LOved it! Thanks for sharing. I hate lining up my tires at the car wash too. Painful.
mmmm cool ranch Doritos...
You have a new BFF!! :)
Thanks be to God that someone other than me sees that Celine Dion is The Devil.
And I'm down with mariachis of all kinds.
And self-tanner.
And Drambuie.
OMG, Sue, will you partner with me?
XO
A.
I love to sing alone in my car while thinking about Robert's jawline, I think you should partner with me....thank be to God!
I live in a suburb of St. Paul, MN. Guess who was featured on the front page of the Arts & Entertainment section of our newspaper yesterday? Dooce. (I swear I'm not trying to torture you).
No lie, the first thing I thought was, "if that columnist read Happy Hour Sue's blog, Dooce would so not be featured in this article. Instead, there'd be a kick ass article about mojitos, BTG, and Edward".
I may not be able to get you featured on the front page of the Pioneer Press's Arts & Entertainment page, but I could probably swing getting you interviewed about how to make a terrarium in your bathroom sink for the Home & Garden section of the newspaper.
Just so you know, I've read Dooce's blog a couple of times and she's got nothing on you. Your blogs make me laugh every single day.
these things are so weird, aren't they? Was the e-mail 'beautiful' or was that broken English?
Wow, I wish I had a stalker. You know you've made it when...
Excellent. But now I'll be humming the "Piña Colada" song all day.
I hope you guys are soulmates. Sounds promising!
Edith's going to write you back and ask you to send her an XBOX 360 you know. That's the kind of partnership she's talkin' about.
I am glad I am not the only one who sometimes writes back to those people.
I really like it when the Nigerian Princesses email me looking for money.
Hi Happy Hour Sue,
Thanks for beautiful mail. You made my decade.
I too like cool ranch Doritos and skorts, but only from the front.
Agree about Celine Dion but not so sure about Harry Potter...is it a Twilight thing?
The Democratic Republic Of Congo in Central Africa does not have many cash washes but we need to be careful of snakes.
With a wish for much happiness.
Thanks and God bless.
Love from,
Edith
PS Can you send me $5
I too dislike Celine Dion. Did Edith get the jump on me? Could you have been my next "Partner"?
Maybe she's waiting to tell you that she's just inherited one hundred million dollars and she need your help...Or, you know. Your bank account info.
Dear Sue,
I'm afraid we will not be partnering anytime soon. How can you hate Harry Potter? And I've tried to like Mojitos, I really have. But the mint is just...eh. I prefer pina coladas or margaritas. However, I hope we can still be friends.
Love,
Shelley
PS. I always do the car wash thing wrong too.
Hilarious -- I love it!
And...those WA chapters up yet?!! At least it's almost Friday!
I agree with RPs jawline....but you have to like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!
I love these spam posts!
HHS,
Send Edith this...she sounds lonely and in need of a friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plSc68nZWN4
I know I'm late...but that was one of the most hilarious posts I've ever read. I think it's partly b/c you had me dead ON with your likes and dislikes! You ROCK girl!
Wow, that WAS totally beautiful email. How nice of her to send it to you.
Thank be to God.
Funny!
According to your likes and dislikes, we are either the same person, or we should be dating! Awesome...
Sue, I thought we could be friends.
Sesame seeds are ok, but POPPY SEEDS!! How could you not dislike POPPY SEEDS? Those little bugers get caught in your teeth and then you start talking to people and you look all crazy and deranged and like you have very bad dental hygiene.
Also, I was not aware that they had very good internet service in The Democratic Republic Of Congo in Central Africa? Did they just get DSL there or something?
Yeah, the "partnering with" feels sketchy. Otherwise, everything else looks like it's on the up and up! Way to make friends, Sue!
Baaa! You think of some of the greatest things to post about...I might just have to steal that idea someday....of course..mine would not be nearly as funny since the only spam emails I get are about genital cream...what is that anyway????
Lol! Hilarious! I get some weird spam mail like that too, it's always quite amusing. I love your reply! Hehe :)
I think that you two will be a perfect match.
You had me at xanax.
Congratulations on finding your new bff! Sounds like y'all have tons in common!
Drambuie? really??
the first 'cocktail' I ever made was a Rusty Nail. Scotch and Drambuie. My dad was the only guy in the world who drank them.
and they tasted like.....rusty nails.
And aside from poppy seeds getting stuck in my teeth, how can you not like them? On a bagel? In coleslaw? In your crackpipe?
I think someone's looking for a green card....
Dear Ms. Sue,
It's not going to work. What's with all the hatin' on Good-N-Plenty?
Edith
You gotta love somebody that says Xanax and Thanks be to God Almighty in the same email.
Until now I was convinced you were indeed an honest, nice, God-fearing, and wine-loving gal. But I have to admit my shock and doubt of the above-mentioned charastics when you mentioned SKORTS in your "likes" column. Could this possibly be a type-o? (one can only hope) ;)
Charlie Says
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExSlyoVTX3I
omgggg, i think i just died from laughing, holy cow LOL
i love that you hate the part in the carwash where you have to line up your tires, i swear I cuss at it EVERY time!! LOL
Also, i loved that in your spam post you got a teensy bit o spam from the lovely althea ;D
OK, this one totally cracked me up. (more than normal, I mean) Your likes & dislikes were just so funny -- thanks for a good laugh. :)
I thought we might be twins separated at birth until I got to the sesame seeds and historical fiction part.Oh, and I think I'm probably a tad older than thou.
My thirteen year old son keeps asking me why I am laughing so hard, and I am laughing too hard to reply to him! You crack me up! Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it!
My thirteen year old son keeps asking me why I am laughing so hard, and I am laughing too hard to reply to him! You crack me up! Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it!
Edith,
You two-timing wench. I thought we had something special. At least you picked someone cooler than Dooce to cheat with.
Angie
I think you just found yourself a new BFF!
Absolutely hilarious!! My fave...your dislike for lining your tires up at the car wash!
HaHA I love your spam love!! I too love xanax :) and dislike it when my arm goes numb while I sleep!!
Thank the lord above that I found your blog - HA! Now pass the vodka..
I think this person wants to get jiggy with ya ... but I think God Almighty might frown on that.
blessings!
LMAO.....I laugh because I think I've received an email from someone who HAS to be Edith's sister, Susanne.
Word!
P.S. You never come visit me any more. *sniffle*
She sounds perfect for you. Although I have a feeling the next e-mail is going to involve either:
A. You sending her thousands of dollars, or
B. Swallowing 20 balloons of cocaine and coming to visit her.
But maybe I am just a cynic!
My spam mail is always about sex drugs and enhancers from Canada. What up with that? Perhaps my name?
Does this mean you owe her royalties? Or at least your social security number?
I visit 1st time. Ms. Lefler tell me must be so.
Anna say, "she funny, she very, very, funny". I can see now she no liar
I be back bring friends and beer
I can't even pick a favorite part of this. At first I thought it was the word skorts...but it just kept getting funnier!
So what did she say?
Or...is Edith a guy?
I just love your blog.. you always make me laugh.
When is your volume of Chicken Soup going to be released? I must purchase. And just fyi.. I could give a rats ass that Dooce is in at as well. It's all about Happy Hour Sue for me:) (And no, I'm not a stalker, LOL).
omg, you don't like Good N Plenty?!
Maybe Edith is the person you sponsored through KIVA! I would have to research your posts to find out, and I am too busy with taxes. I am so with you on the disco rollerskating, nasty sesame seeds that RUIN sushi, and sleeping, of course. I may have to bring my skates to BlogHer. I can stuff a bottle of Mojito mix in them when packing!
LOL...this is one of the funniest blog posts I've ever read. I get those emails all the time, especially the one about my Nigeria ancestor that died but won the lottery.
You're hilarious.
I too hate lining up my tire at the car wash. Let's get this 'partnering' over with, shall we?
OMG please tell me you sent that email and then blocked the sender. That was freaking hilarious.
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