Saturday, February 27, 2010

Weekend LOL Drawing

Just got this emailed to me from my college roomate Deb.......

A  first grade girl handed in the drawing below for  a homework  assignment....

   After  it was graded and the child brought it home, she  returned to school the next day with the  following  note:  
Dear Ms.   Davis ,
I want to  be very clear on my child's illustration. It is  NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip  joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to  my daughter how much money we made in the recent  snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a  shovel.

Mrs.  Harrington


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Twitter: Where All the Random Thoughts Go

I don't need to review what Twitter is again, right?

(Those of you not familiar with Twitter Recap go here:)

OK- onward...... my latest tweets:

"Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back to your man. Now back to me."
3:30 PM Feb 24th from Twhirl

9 year old: "Do retarded people know they're retarded?" Me: "no." (*pause*) "Am I retarded?"
10:30 AM Feb 24th from Twhirl

Dalai Lama says he's never heard of Tiger Woods. He does, however, know Rachel Uchitel.
7:30 PM Feb 21st from Twhirl

Tiger Woods' problem was his conversion from Buddism to Boobism.
11:30 AM Feb 19th from Twhirl

The only way I want to see Elin standing next to Tiger at his statement is if she's hitting him with a golf club.
9:05 AM Feb 19th from Twhirl

Also? If he says the words "sex addiction"? I'll hit my TV with a 3-iron.
9:05 AM Feb 19th from Twhirl

Another common movie phrase I will never utter in my life: "What IS this place??????"
7:30 PM Feb 18th from Twhirl

Catholic confession: If I see my crush coming Ash Wednesday I'm doing the spit n' swipe.
5:31 PM Feb 17th from Twhirl

Apparently my stomach has decided to celebrate Fat Tuesday.
5:16 PM Feb 16th from Twhirl

Hey look: more snow. *gunshot* *thud*
8:30 AM Feb 16th from Twhirl

8 year old: "What does hover' mean?" Other 8 year old: "When someone's all up in your business."
8:41 AM Feb 11th from Twhirl

LMAO RT: Sometimes the one you think is your knight in shining armor turns out to be a retard in tinfoil.
1:01 PM Feb 11th from Twhirl

Taylor Lautner is 18 today **sigh of relief** (#pedopheliaisnotfunny)
12:20 PM Feb 11th from Twhirl

Hmmm. I wonder if God is going to hold me to all those promises I made puking my guts out Saturday night. (#stomachflu)
1:06 PM Feb 8th from Twhirl

Hell YES I'm preparing for the snowstorm. Got to tan and get nails done before the roads get bad.
10:09 AM Feb 5th from Twhirl

9 y.o. had to use "credit" in a sentence. "My mom collects credit cards."
7:30 PM Feb 1st from Twhirl

My 3-word review of "Dear John": Channing Tatum *thud*.
9:30 PM Feb 1st from Twhirl

Ugh. Now I have to find out what an ipad is.
4:30 PM Jan 27th from Twhirl

OK girls: Embarrassing Crush time. I'll go first. Kid Rock.
5:18 PM Jan 26th from Twhirl

Vocal outrage has virtually no effect on my dog's farting.
3:33 PM Jan 25th from Twhirl

What u football people don't realize is Liz on Tough Love just found out that Dave was married before.
10:15 PM Jan 24th from Twhirl

Me to 9 year old: "Is that red marker, or is your nose bleeding?" Her: "marker."
5:01 PM Jan 24th from Twhirl

Me and "Evacuate the Dance Floor" are having kind of a thing.
6:30 PM Jan 22nd from Twhirl customer service was A+. I think the guy on the phone impregnated me.

7:30 PM Jan 21st from Twhirl

Follow me, or you won't know what I'm doing.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Just some things I had to show you

First up: Does anyone else's TJ Maxx have these signs posted in the dressing room?????

For real!
That mofo talked me into 2 pairs of workout pants and some strappy sandals.

As a former graphic designer, I have to take issue with the 2010 Olympics logo.

I'm sorry. It just looks like "Healthy Beginnings Fat Camp" to me.

In Totally Awesome News About the Future...... NASA unveiled their animated plans for "The Puffin" Personal Aircraft.

What!!!! Someone get me a countdown widget STAT.

Many thanks to the person responsible for this Twilight "Half Man/Half Pillow":
You make my obsession seem quite tame.

And note to self: You may be bitching a little too much when you see your 9 year old has written this on the calendar:

(Mom's Appreciation Day, accompanied by balloons and a present.)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Weekend LOL Video

This is Justin Bieber:

This is what he does to 3 year old girls: (best moment at 4:10)

Update: readers just notified me that the video was removed but I think this link works:

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Diary of a Snowstorm

Tuesday, February 9th

OMG! Can't believe we're going to get hit AGAIN with a big snow after last week's 2 FEET. Better stock up, supposed to start tonite.
Wine :)
Hershey syrup for hot chocolate!!! :)

Wednesday, February 10th

No school!!!! Got to sleep in, kids excited. it's really coming down. They say we're getting ANOTHER 2 feet - crazy! Do I have enough wine and rum? I think I do. These munchkins drink a lot of hot chocolate! So cute. :)

Thursday February 11th

School closed again.....whaddaya know. Is it that bad really? City of Philadelphia closed: freakin weenies. Oh shocker: here come the kids inside for more hot chocolate and tracking snow everywhere...where's the snowplow guy? So it's still coming down - Couldya grow a pair and get out here? Where's my cocktail.

Friday, February 12th

For the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY school is closed again. I bet you don't have kids, MR. GUY-WHO-MAKES-THE-SCHOOL-CLOSING-DECISIONS. Do you. I bet you also don't have a HUSBAND WHO TAKES YOUR 4-WHEEL DRIVE SUV TO WORK AND LEAVES YOU WITH THE UN-DRIVEABLE CAR. Which means no car. 3 kids - 4 feet of snow - no escape. Just "Mom! .....Mom!...... Mom! She hit me! Mom! Can I have 50,000 friends over? Mom! Can you make me hot chocolate? Mom! Can you take me sledding? Mom! Why are you putting rum in your orange juice?"

Mom can put a whole fifth of rum in her orange juice. She's not going ANYWHERE.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Well, I don't want to alarm anyone....but I'm pretty sure the douche-ification of our school system is complete.

It started, of course, with "summer homework". Because God forbid anybody get TOO relaxed on their 10 weeks off. Nothing says 'carefree' like 4 book reports and a diorama hanging over your head.

Then came the banishment of all things "Christmas"...leaving the "Holiday Singing Concert" scrambling to find as many songs about "snow" as they could find.

(And just for the record? "snow" is not a "holiday".)

Then yesterday a (pink!) memo was sent home advising parents that NO CANDY is to be sent in with valentines this week. And not in the "peanut allergy" kinda way: In the "sugar is bad for you" kinda way.

The verbage went something like "blah blah blah wellness policy blah blah 'heart-healthy' blah blah blah nutritious snacks..."

Translation? some Stage 5 Dork-Mom got her panties in a twist and steamrolled a few other cause-starved toolbags into The No Valentines Candy Uprising of 2010.

So yes, I will be sending candy in with my 3rd grader's valentines (FunDip!!) AND I took the liberty of designing a few candy hearts for the moms responsible.

Honestly, I had to make myself stop - I could do these all day.

Monday, February 8, 2010


No, no, no, no.


Bristol Palin's babydaddy. Nekkid.

Good God in heaven where do I begin.

OK how about here:

David Hasslehoff bouffant? Check.

Pasty-pimply butt area? Check.

Man-pooch? Check.

Bow chica wow wow....

Get in line, ladies....and don't forget the condoms.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Weekend LOL Video

How your dog sees you:

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bathtub Gangsta by Request

"Sup, Shawty"

OK so a whole bunch of commenters from the "Delurking Day" post wanted to know "Where's BG?"

Freakin guy.

I've got mad Bratz calling the house cuz they can't reach him on his cell....his texting bill is outta control....he's spending hours at the gym.....

Oh crap.

We got a situation.

"GTL baby!"