Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Royal Wedding!!!!?? Stab Me in the Brain With a Fork.


Alert the Franklin Mint.

Never mind they're on it:

Holy collectible coins and pill boxes. William and Kate are engaged.

I know, I know......it's gonna be like the biggest TiVo-tastic event of the decade...and a bajillion people are gonna watch it live....and the entire population of Britain and probably Wales is going to spontaneously combust from excitement...and Diana herself will probably ride down from heaven on a sparkly unicorn.

I'm trying to care, I swear.

I think maybe if he were THIS kind of prince

I'd tune in.

In any event, I have one wish for the future princess...and that is that there is a Franklin Mint baby doll made in her likeness.......

...because that's not creepy at all.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

See? All I Needed Was An Extra Hour's Sleep. Also: This Post Has Lesbians.

Voilá, I'm back.

I have a theory that my whole brain goes on Daylight Savings in the Spring, and that's why I get writer's block.

Thanks a lot, Ben Franklin. Great idea. You maybe coulda used that extra hour each day inventing the condom, then you wouldn't have gotten syphilis.

First, can I just tell you why I love Bruno Mars? ("Just the Way You Are") No, not because of the song...Because he got busted for cocaine possession and this was his mugshot:
As my 10 year old said, "It looks like his school picture."

Oh. but: Stay in School...Hugs not Drugs...Just Say No.

Ha. I just realized Nike's slogan is Just Do It. You can see how it could get confusing.

Anyway. My Public Service Announcement for the day is: If you want to find Dick's Sporting Goods online..it's not Dicks.com. Like ...it's SO not Dicks.com.

and I just need to know this:

Guys. What is it with the lesbian fascination.

No.......they really don't.

As far as I can tell, they really are goin out of their way to NOT deal with you.

They would rather buy a plastic appendage made in China than deal with your anatomy.

There are entire CRUISES for lesbians...whose sole purpose is to relieve them from having to interact with you in any way.

Top selling lesbian porn movie?: "Where The Boys Aren't (10)".
Top consumer of "Where The Boys Aren't"? Boys.

I suspect you think they're playing playing hard to get....

C'mon - let's hear your theories...we all have an extra hour.