Twitter Recap

If you're not following me on Twitter, this is what you've missed. Honestly, I don't know how you function.



I strongly disagree with the river tubing company's giant sign. Alcohol and tubing DO mix.
2:21 PM June 28th via Twhirl


9 year old : "How do people with afros wear helmets?"
3:30 PM July 5th via Twhirl


Our fireworks were so kickass last night that the dog ran away overnight.
8:03PM July 5th via Twhirl


Summer homework is such a f*cking buzzkill
10:45 PM July 18th via Twhirl


OOooh. Hot guy just ran up my cul-de-sac. How fast can I make a lemonade stand.
10:45 AM July 19th via Twhirl


BlogHer just suspended my ads for lack of posting. Feel like a grounded teenager. I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN! Or something.
6:20 PM July 19th via Twhirl


How completely epic would it be if Kevin Costner does, in fact, save the Gulf.
6:24 PM July 20th via Twhirl


Teen: "She's not texting me back." Me: "Why don't you call her house?" Teen: "That's weird."
7:53 PM July 23rd via Twhirl


My muffler just fell off. Or my tailpipe. It's a rusty metal tubey-thingy. Do I need it?
4:25 PM July 25th via Twhirl


9 year old: "Do all the astronauts on the moon live together?'
9:39 AM Aug 3rd via Twhirl


True story: Trainer just texted me: "Sorry I called your shoulders 'old pieces of meat'. I apologize."
2:03 PM Aug 11th via Twhirl


OK people, I have a petition here for the kids to go back to school a week early. Who's with me.
11:23 AM August 13th via Twhirl


These kids are so far up my ass I feel like I'm giving birth.
11:25 AM August 13th via Twhirl


OK this is an opening line you never wanna hear: "Mom? you know that green plastic stuff Ziggy threw up yesterday?..."
10:25 AM August 15th via Twhirl


"....now there's a string of it coming out of her butt." FML.
10:26 AM August 15th via Twhirl