Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Keyword Korner: Summer Edition!

See Mr. Smiling Sun? Mr. Smiling Sun is hoping that THIS round of Google Analytics keywords will vindicate me.

Mr. Smiling Sun is sure that THIS time the list of phrases people typed into Google that landed them on my blog were things like:

"quick-witted insightful blog" and
"smart blogger slammin' body".

Pack up your things, Mr. Smiling Sun: The Bizarro Train has just pulled into the station. Shall we begin?

(Disclaimer to those who are new here: these are all actual searches that Google directed to my blog. I did not make this up.)

"butt farts come up vulva"
News flash, Sparky: those aren't butt farts.

"dos swine flu ifect my kids"
Probably not, but your lack of education might.

"my personal trainer doesn't know what he's on about"
This seems more of a "complaint" than a "search"

"fat girl"
Seriously?.... Seriously.

"boys weeners stuck in girls vergina"
Parents, get site blocking software on there ASAP or weeners in verginas are gonna be the least of your problems.

"Can Sudafed give you a drugged feeling"
Only if you ingest it.

"funny blogs organize neat girls"

"mommyblog Dooce make $40,000 a month"
Why do you HATE me???????

"i can see your hoo ha"
No you cannot- I do not have a webcam.

"i am slave to my goddess wife laundry clean toilet foot massage"
OK maybe my husband does read my blog.

"what does Jesus say about diet pills"
Jesus says, "None of that crap works - stop being such a lazy-ass, put down the cheese dip and get your fat ass to the gym..... Amen."


Jillian said...

OMG Sue, I was laughing so hard that I think a butt fart went up my vulva.

KIDDING! Seriously, though, I'm dying over here. Boys weiners in girls verginas. I thought I had some funny ones, but these take the cake. You win. I concede.

Holy Mary mother of baby Jeebus these are hilarious.

Now I must go cry while I think about Dooce and $40,000 a month.

Liz said...

LMAO! Those were really funny. How do you know what google uses to direct people to your blog?

Patrice said...

lmao!! These never fail to amuse me! NEVER!

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

What kind of weirdos are you attracting over here Sue? So funny!

Anonymous said...

HAHA! You crack me up! I love Keyword Korner.

Mellie said...

Haha, that is hilarious!

Aleta said...

Ok, I'm an idiot. I have Google Analytics and don't know where I can find the phrases of how people are finding my blog.

These are hilarious! You wonder if any of them who are googling for weird stuff, stop by and read your blog after coming across it. There needs to be a study about blogs and socialization. Lol

Anonymous said...

That is hilarious!!

I just got one today that was "twiling h1 paramore cd"

I have no clue what the swine flu has to do with the Twilight soundtrack and what the heck twiling is, but hey. They found me at least.

Life, Love And Lola said...

LMAO!!! The Jesus one made me spit my Green Tea! Fuckin Hilarious!

Formerly known as Frau said...

LOL!! Dooce make 40K a month please tell me you are shitty me? Bitch I hate her!!

M said...

I have no words, I really don't.

Off to check my Google searches :)

$40,000 a month, seriously? Google, please say you are shitting me.

MrsSki said...

Holy Crap those were funny! I almost peed my pants when I read the "vergina" one! Your response was priceless!! Oh and I also loved the one about "dos swine flu ifect..." you commentary on that one was awesome too! You totally crack me up! Keyword Korner is GREAT!

Laila P said...

I love looking at the crazy searches that bring people to my blog!

Sarah Gutierrez said...

your closing line was the best one. :)

Swirl Girl said...

pee-pee came out my bergina with this!

Susan said...

Laughing so hard I think I peed..... soooooo funny!!!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...


Briya said...

Okay....maybe the weirdo who can see your hoo ha is peeking in your window... LOL.

just saying. watchoutnow!

Jen said...

I love these.

kristi said...


and slowly but surely you are turning the blog population against Dooce. $40,000 a month??!!! WTF!

Lady Mama said...

I laughed so hard reading that. How does that even work? "I can see your hoo ha'?! Very very funny.

Marinka said...

That's right, if you want to see her hoo ha, come on over to my blog!


Zoe (Aussie fan) said...

You had me laughing so hard my husband asked me if I was ok. I tried to explain it to him but he just looked at me like I was nuts.

DGB said...

Confession time: I was the one who Googled "butt farts", which is how I found this blog in the first place. I swear I was just curious!!!!

Jenni said...

Classics for sure! Nobody every lands on my blog by searching for verginas or vulva farts!

Dawn Parsons Smith said...

HEEE..LARIOUS as always!!!

I love Keyword Korner!

Keyona said...

Uh, please tell me that Dooce doesn't really make THAT much off her blog. Seriously? I do this shit for free!!

Loveable Loser said...


I know you have other Blogs, but when did you start the Evangelist Blog?

The Cyber Public is going to your site to get J's take diet pills? I mean Christ on Cracker why would they do that?...Oh!

Brenton and Braden Vasquez said...

You make me laugh more than I can say!! That's all!!

Annewa72 said...

So funny because I am on vacation and away from my computer so I HAD to google you and I thought of all your google alert blogs and viola! Perhaps you should offer a sex education course for the illiterate, it seems like it is an untapped market!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

hahahahaha, awesome! I haven't checked mine in so long, that reminds me I need to do it. But I have to mentally prepare myself for the sick, twisted things I am going to see :)

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

ok, wow. Your google searches always put mine to shame. You clearly have a knack for uncovering weirdoes, which is a very remarkable talent, I think. No, seriously. I bet if I google "remarkable talent" your blog will pop up, too.

Managed Chaos said...

OMG, those were hilarious...definitely beats those I get, hands down. Really, who searches for those phrases anyway?!?!?

Borsa said...

thanx for this nice blog and please let me take a copy to my site

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