Yes, I Will Be Posting About BlogHer

....but right now I'm recuperating on the beach in the Outer Banks.

And by recuperating I mean drinking more.

For now I'll just give you a pic of BG and Lisalicious.

Conferences are dope, yo.

BlogHer? I Don't Even Know Her!

Where is my assistant.

Oh yeah-I don't have an assistant.

Well if I did I would totally be telling her to "Forward all my calls! I'll be at a conference this weekend in Chicago!" And I'd be yelling like that and pointing my finger in the air.

Also, I'd say "Take a memo!" and "Get me Marketing on the phone." And they'd be all: "Marketing Department..." and I'd be all: "Never mind. Keep up the good work." And then I'd make my assistant run out and get me a sausage egg sandwich from Dunkin Donuts.

Where was I.

Oh YEAH - I really am going to be at a conference - a BLOGGER'S conference, BlogHer '09 , which for you guys who don't blog probably sounds about as reasonable as an "e-mailers conference", but for us who do it is The. Coolest. Thing. EVER.

AND my roommate is the awesome Lisalicious from "Mommedy"

Oh look- a whole bunch of daddybloggers just flooded the phone lines with late registrations.

Anyway. It's going to be non-stop drinking, dancing and talking about boys enlightening seminars on monetizing, demographics and html advances.

Therefore I have packed the 4 essentials:

Laptop.
BG.
Ed Head.
Ibuprofen.

Bring it on, Chicago.

Weekend LOL Video

Katy Perry's "Hot & Cold" + Ukrainian Polka band = Awesome.

Spray-Tanning Tips

Tip #1: Exfoliate the skin thoroughly.

Tip #2: Always apply the sticky foot protectors to the bottoms of your feet to avoid tanning them.











Tip #3: 
Don't let the sticky foot protector fall out of your car door then drive over it and drive around town that way for 2 days.

You can't make this sh*t up.

Cloud Shapes!

Oh my GOSH is it awesome having the kids home for summer vacation!

Here's a fun game to play if you've already pressed wildflowers but haven't made home made lemonade yet!

Cloud Shapes!

Look! A poodle!

A duck!

A bunny!

Look!

See???? It's a mom!!! It's a mom considering jumping in her SUV with only a change of clothes and a vodka bottle and heading for Canada!! See..right there! There's her crazy eyes...and there's her bald spot from pulling her hair out....and right there's the kids hanging off her yelling 'MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!' cuz that's all they ever say is 'MOM!' til you'd rather have a swarm of killer bees drill your EYEBALLS out than hear the word 'MOM!' one more time for the love of ALL THAT IS HOLY CAN'T YOU SEE IT??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Email me if you need more fun games to play.

Don't Forget Your Fud

Oh my God.

I got an email today from one of my readers who thought I should know about a new product, "GoGirl".

Seriously?

The website says it's "a Female Urination Device, or FUD."

The tagline is "Don't Take Life Sitting Down."

I.........have so many questions. Not the least of which is - Why is the canister the shape of a Pillsbury biscuit can.

So I'm guessing the FUD's target demographic is the "outdoorsy" girl? Or maybe the "huge outdoor frat party" girl?

Bethany: Brittany! I have to pee - do you have a Fud?

Brittany: Crap! I forgot my Fud! Jessica! Do you have a Fud?

Jessica: Nicole has my Fud.

And so on.

Anyway - it is available for purchase online...and before you check out, don't forget your GoGirl lip balm. I am so not kidding.

Ew.

Can't Get No Respect

What if I said to you, "I just joined the Country Club and they're going to give me my own golf locker with a shiny nameplate."

Would your response be:
"HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"?

As it turns out, that IS the proper response.

Ladies' golf locker room:

My locker:

also:

Why you gotta do me like that, country club?