Thursday, December 18, 2008

Still More Words I Made Up


First, there was Words I Made Up .
Then, there was More Words I Made Up.
Followed by Even More Words I Made Up.

Apparently, I can't stop myself. So I give you:


snartle (snar'-tul) n. 
A sneeze/scream so loud and unexpected, it freaks out everyone in a 3-room radius.


porcupate (por'-cyu-pate) v. when your favorite down pillow starts a mutiny by sprouting prickers.


Mallzheimers (malz'-hime-erz) n.
Completely spacing on where you parked your car in the mall parking lot.


shorphan (shor'-fan) n.
The creepy solo shoe you sometimes see on the side of the road that begs the question 'wtf happened?'


spazz-lane (spaz'-lane) n.
That bumpy strip of pavement on the right side of the highway that shocks you into veering back into the center.


space-mugger (spays'-mugr) n.
The car that s-l-o-w-l-y follows behind you as you walk back to your car in the hopes that you are the current owner of the most superfantabulous parking space ever.

40 comments:

Threeboys1mommy said...

I have mallzeimers, but in a different way. I step out of a store and forget what direction I was going in, walk past five stores that I've already been in before I figure it out.

Mrs. Newlywed said...

Oh I have mallzheimers and officheimers.

I just generally hate all parking garages. I lose my car every time.

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

spazzlane freaks me the hell out. Srsly. Oh and I totally have Mallzheimers. Bad.

Heather said...

Kudos once again - these are brilliant!!

I snartle frequently (I am a very loud sneezer). I also suffer from Mallzheimers - this is why I always try to park in the same general area of any shopping center. That way at least I'm only aimlessly wandering about a specific area and don't need the mall security pick-up truck to slowly drive me around the whole dang mall. (Do you have any idea how many sage green Toyota Siennas there are in my town? Many. A lot. And they all like to shop in the same places I frequent.)

My husband refers to space-muggers as following the "New Jersey" method of getting a parking spot. This after marrying me, a native Jersey Girl, and spending the past 16 Christmases at my folks' in central NJ. There is invariably a trip or three to the local mall, and Hubby was at first aghast and then impressed at such parking-space-obtaining maneuvers. We now frequently say "do a NJ" when trying to find parking up here in upstate NY. :D

BusyDad said...

I'm a total spacemugger. And speaking for my fellow spacemuggas, when you are getting mugged, PLEASE don't cross the line of cars into the next row. We hate that. All that staking out, down the drain.

Heinous said...

It's great to see more words. I love when you come up with them.

Thank heavens for the spazz-lane. It's made sure that the occasional cd changing hasn't turned into a call to the insurance agent.

Rose and Jill said...

Mallzeimers is the worst. The worst is when you walk out the completely wrong set of doors and aimlessly wander forever.
<3,
Rose

Wendy said...

Thank you! I needed words for all of these. I totally know what you mean.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Okay I totally have Mallzeimers and I have helped a few old peeps that have had Alzheimer's/Mallzeimers.

I have heard on several occasions where people have snartled and scared the chit outta me.

This time of the year I have definitely become a Space Mugger.

Great words!

Aleta said...

Ok, I need a word from you now - give me a word for "when you read something so darn funny while drinking Diet Coke and then not containing your laughter, it ruins the keyboard!" Those are FANTASTIC! (Can I borrow some?)

Rachel said...

Too cute!

derfina said...

The Unit is THE KING of snartles. I'd swear he is blowing toenails!

Noob Mommy said...

mallzheimers is a great one. that one gives me a panic attack every time.

Allison said...

Mallzheimers is bad for spacemuggers. If you are wondering aimlessly, it really messes with their ability to stalk you to your spot properly.

Tenakim said...

I love the theme of mall shopping/driving- We call the Spazz lane "WAKE UP"lane.

Jen said...

Oh I just love these. LOL!!!

jill jill bo bill said...

In Texas, we are classy and call the spaz lane road titties. Yep. Pure undefiled class.

Swirl Girl said...

each time Hubby drives over the spaz-bumps...he says "just checking to make sure they are working..."

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

awesome words! you just made me snort out loud at work!

nikkicrumpet said...

I pulled a mallheimers at Disney world...NOT good! Great post...wickedly funny stuff!

BacktoBarnwell said...

I'm a total Snartler. And the hypochondriac comes out in me when I spend 4 hours googling symptoms like memory loss and diagnose myself with all sorts of ailments I've never even heard of.

Sometimes I can't even remember walking into the store much less where or which car I drove.

The other day, I was walking out of Lowe's and I must have walked back and forth 4 times looking down the parking aisles. An old man came out and laughed at me for not being able to find my car-and Im talking a 80 year old looking guy. That really made me feel like a dumbass and come to find out, my car was over in front of the Barnes and Noble...

Gettysburg Mom said...

Around here we refer to the spazzlane as driving by brail...

Jenni Jiggety said...

I suffer from Mallzheimers...it's very sad. I am thinking of starting a foundation for myself.

Leslie said...

I feel so smart, I just learned 6 new words today! I also suffer from mallzeimers, like several of your other readers. Once, I walked out of all 4 entrances of Dillards to finally find my car at the last one I tried. I always try to casually play it off though...

jaime said...

i'm a space mugger. yup. when it's cold. I get Mallzheimers too. And the spazz lane was made for my husband.

Miss Yvonne said...

FINALLY there's a name for the terrible disease I suffer from! I wonder if there is a medication for mallzheimers? I could really use it.

Life of Preston said...

oh. my. lord. so funny! thanks!

Janah @ So Not Mom-a-licious said...

This is awesome! This chick at works 'snartles' me all of the time and I can't stand it. It's so obnoxious.

Jennifer said...

LOL! Brilliant as uual!!

Brittany said...

Oh I am the queen of the snartle, in fact, these days, sneezing pretty much causes a total system failure of the control of almost all bodily functions. Hot, I know.

Anonymous said...

Good stuff...still use ghost crank for all things turned up loud including the kids!

Guess what snartle pants is? or Spacemugger Rage?

michelle said...

I am a serious spacemugger.. I prefer spot-stalking. Cure for mallzeimers.. I takea picture with my cell phone to remember where I need to be! seriously!

Lisa-licious said...

I call space-muggers "Parking Sharks" and I like to imitate (you can't really SING it) the theme to JAWS as they prowl around. They bug me to NO END!!!
Then, when I am waiting for someone to pull out of THEIR spot in a parking lot, it seems they feel compelled to put on make-up, call friends on their cell, or take an HOUR to buckle their kids in their carseats! Never fails.

Tasha said...

mmm those are great. My husband keep stealing my ignorant words, so I need to come up with one that he wont use. Any thoughts? Come and read the blog about it. I could use some serious (mental) help.

Amanda C. Bee said...

This is hi-larious!

Angela said...

You rule, Sue.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

GREAT Words - love it!

Holly said...

I am behind on reading your posts but I needed this HUGE laugh! The most hysterical part is that they are so true!! I have been thankful for th Spazz Lane many o'times!!

Anonymous said...

We refer to the spazzlane as the pleasure strip. ha!

Annie said...

Just found your blog and decided to check out some of the first posts. Made up words as of late are starting to kind of annoy me because it seems forced for a lot of people...but these are all SPOT ON! Hilarious.

Loving your current day posts, too!