Monday, September 27, 2010

My Palms Are Literally Sweating From The Awkwardness

Oh my God.

Oh.    My.   God.

Stayfree Maxipads? Has created a web commercial with a shirtless dude that is quite possibly the most douche-tastic/awkward/cringe-inducing 3 minutes to ever hit the interwebs.

I have to watch it like I'm watching a slasher movie. Through my fingers.

At any moment I'm sure my computer screen is going to implode because it has called some worm-hole of awkwardness in the the universe.

So- here: don't say I didn't warn you..... and tell me if you think he has a raisin stuck to his butt.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

This Just In: Apples Not Falling Far From Trees

Here's the problem with the Nature vs. Nurture debate when it comes to my kids' behavior in the universe.

There's no winning. It's both.

My genes + my behavior = conformity Fail.

Is this not every mom's bedtime ritual with their 10 year old daughter?
Me: "Love you.."
Her: "Love you."
Me: "Forever..."
Her: "and ever."
(together) "More than the moon and the stars and the universe"
(Fist bump-explosion)
(Soulja Boy dance together) "SUPAman... o- now wa' me wa' me YOUuuuuuuu..."
(see below :30-:45)

Swear to God. I do the Soulja Boy every night with my 4th grader. Sometimes we do it in a British accent.

Anyway, the other night I'm rifling through her school papers trying to figure out why she's fallen behind in homework and she's got THIS proudly tucked in the front of her folder:

Which, while awesome, is giving me an eerily familiar glimpse into her prioritizing.

SO we had a big talk about buckling down... and the importance of homework.... and her response was this.

Her: "Can I wear my mustache?'
Me: "Of course."

Friday, September 10, 2010

Never Forget

I ask this every year, but I think it's important to remember....where were you when you heard?

Pet Math

Giant Schnauzer with Post-Traumatic 
Stress Syndrome from 4th of July fireworks

plus +

white trash neighbor 
happy hour target practice

equals =

screen door fail.

Happy Friday to me.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Football Season Has Begun! Go Red Sox.

I don't know how else to put this.

I don't care about football. don't care.

Don't get it, don't understand it, don't watch it.

Yes, I was a cheerleader in high school. Cuz here's the thing: Outfits? Adorable. Black skirt, white sweater with a big red "R", pom-poms.... it's important to pick your sports based on the cuteness quotient of the uniform. My other two sports in high school were field hockey and tennis, no lie. Win or lose, at the end of the day you're wearing a cute skirt.

Then in college, my girlfriends and I made every single football game. We just didn't get beyond the parking lot tailgate. The mass exodus of everybody else going back into the game was like holding a party with intermissions.

It makes my husband mental when I actually do sit down while he's trying to watch a game and start asking questions.

"Is that guy allowed to have hair that long?"
"Why are they all wearing black arm bands?"
"Why do they keep showing that woman? Is that his wife?"
"Why doesn't the coach know the Gatorade bucket is coming?"
"How do they draw those computer lines under the players?"
"HE'S cute."

But! I am going to be a good sport and get into the whole Fantasy Football thing.....

Here is my Fantasy Football starting lineup:

We are going to kick ass.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Weekend LOL Video

Have an awesome Labor Day Weekend, dads....rock on.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Only Thing Worse Than Being a Chilean Miner Trapped Underground For a Month being the Chilean miner whose wife and mistress just found out about each other while holding vigils above ground.

"f*ck my life"

True story, read about it today.


How bad does your life have to suck when 32 guys trapped 700 meters underground with limited light, excessive heat, rationed food and the promise of MAYBE getting rescued by Christmas.....feel bad for you.

What I really wanna see? Is Rescue Day.

They'll be all "Dios mio!!! They've broken through! We are saved! Manuel, mi amigo! Lets go!!'

and he'll be all "Nah, I'm good....I'm know, clean up the guys go ahead."