I was a shocked as you guys that my post about how my boobs were bigger than Dooce's didn't catapult my blog to superstardom.
But check this out - I have a new plan that is so freaking brilliant I will be dazzling Matt Lauer with witty banter in no time.
So everybody knows that Twitter is a "social media" application where you basically share 1-2 sentence updates with your Twitter circle, whether it's 30 people or 1,000.
But the thing is, you know who your Twitter peeps are - you have a list of who you're following and who's following you. So imagine my surprise the other day when I typed:
Bought "No-chew" spray and "No-poop" spray at Petsmart for Gigantic Puppy arriving tonite. Do I think I can just spray my way thru this????? 11:56 AM Dec 10th from twhirl
and an hour later I see this:
Dude. They were so not on my list. Those rat bastards have some sort of super spy filter software that scans the whole Twitter universe and finds mentions of their store.
So of course my first order of business given this unexpected development was to see if that would work on boys. So I typed:
OK that's freaky - @Petsmart just tweeted me. If I talk about Joe Jonas will he tweet me? Robert Pattinson? Hello? Mark Wahlberg? 1:15 PM Dec 10th from twhirl
Josh Holloway - Mark ruffalo - John Krasinski - is this working? Kellan Lutz - Oscar de La Hoya......I can keep going1:16 PM Dec 10th from twhirl
But. It occurred to me: Who would have the most sophisticated, most all-encompassing web-scanning operation going? That's right, bitches. The CIA.
So here is my brilliant plan:
I start dropping Twitter-bait like "jihad" and "Al Quaeda" (note to self: figure out the correct spelling)......and BAM! the CIA is following me and my blog.
Random cool CIA dude mentions it to his wife, who forwards it along to Michelle Obama at the Christmas party and bada-bing, I'm a superstar.