I don't know how else to say this, so I'm just going to say it.
There's somebody else.
His name is Edward Cullen.
He's a vampire.
So even though he's 17 in the movie, he's really 108, which is really more age-appropriate for me.
I still think you're totally cute, but I just noticed you're not that good a singer, no offense. And how come you only play the tambourine? That's kind of lame.
I know what you're thinking: I've got Obsesssive Cullen Disorder, blah blah blah.
This weekend will only be the third time I've seen the movie, and everyone on TwilightMoms.com says that's about average.
Coincidentally, Edward's a virgin too, but only because he might kill someone by accident....you're just....Well, I don't know what you're problem is, actually.
So please don't text me - I just need some space - I'm going to Kinkos now to make a Flat Edward copy my tax returns.