Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Twitter: Where All the Random Thoughts Go

I don't need to review what Twitter is again, right?

(Those of you not familiar with Twitter Recap go here:)

OK- onward...... my latest tweets:




"Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back to your man. Now back to me."
3:30 PM Feb 24th from Twhirl


9 year old: "Do retarded people know they're retarded?" Me: "no." (*pause*) "Am I retarded?"
10:30 AM Feb 24th from Twhirl


Dalai Lama says he's never heard of Tiger Woods. He does, however, know Rachel Uchitel.
7:30 PM Feb 21st from Twhirl


Tiger Woods' problem was his conversion from Buddism to Boobism.
11:30 AM Feb 19th from Twhirl


The only way I want to see Elin standing next to Tiger at his statement is if she's hitting him with a golf club.
9:05 AM Feb 19th from Twhirl


Also? If he says the words "sex addiction"? I'll hit my TV with a 3-iron.
9:05 AM Feb 19th from Twhirl


Another common movie phrase I will never utter in my life: "What IS this place??????"
7:30 PM Feb 18th from Twhirl


Catholic confession: If I see my crush coming Ash Wednesday I'm doing the spit n' swipe.
5:31 PM Feb 17th from Twhirl


Apparently my stomach has decided to celebrate Fat Tuesday.
5:16 PM Feb 16th from Twhirl



Hey look: more snow. *gunshot* *thud*
8:30 AM Feb 16th from Twhirl



8 year old: "What does hover' mean?" Other 8 year old: "When someone's all up in your business."
8:41 AM Feb 11th from Twhirl



LMAO RT: Sometimes the one you think is your knight in shining armor turns out to be a retard in tinfoil.
1:01 PM Feb 11th from Twhirl


Taylor Lautner is 18 today **sigh of relief** (#pedopheliaisnotfunny)
12:20 PM Feb 11th from Twhirl


Hmmm. I wonder if God is going to hold me to all those promises I made puking my guts out Saturday night. (#stomachflu)
1:06 PM Feb 8th from Twhirl


Hell YES I'm preparing for the snowstorm. Got to tan and get nails done before the roads get bad.
10:09 AM Feb 5th from Twhirl


9 y.o. had to use "credit" in a sentence. "My mom collects credit cards."
7:30 PM Feb 1st from Twhirl


My 3-word review of "Dear John": Channing Tatum *thud*.
9:30 PM Feb 1st from Twhirl


Ugh. Now I have to find out what an ipad is.
4:30 PM Jan 27th from Twhirl


OK girls: Embarrassing Crush time. I'll go first. Kid Rock.
5:18 PM Jan 26th from Twhirl


Vocal outrage has virtually no effect on my dog's farting.
3:33 PM Jan 25th from Twhirl


What u football people don't realize is Liz on Tough Love just found out that Dave was married before.
10:15 PM Jan 24th from Twhirl


Me to 9 year old: "Is that red marker, or is your nose bleeding?" Her: "marker."
5:01 PM Jan 24th from Twhirl


Me and "Evacuate the Dance Floor" are having kind of a thing.
6:30 PM Jan 22nd from Twhirl


Overstock.com customer service was A+. I think the guy on the phone impregnated me.

7:30 PM Jan 21st from Twhirl


Follow me, or you won't know what I'm doing.
Twitter.com/HappyHourSue

18 comments:

Shaggs said...

Haha ur funny! Wish I was cool enough to twitter (sigh...)

Bejewell said...

This is like the best non-post ever.

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

I liked all of it...but especially the mention of Channing. He always wins!

Keyona said...

I have yet to get it on with ANY customer service rep. But I'll hold my breath.

NTS said...

*sigh* Kid Rock....nothing like a little white trash, wife-beater fun in the sack. And the fact that his hair is longer than mine is oddly enough a bit of a turn-on.

NTS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Former Fat Chick said...

love your 9 year old! my boy (17) started calling my Lulu (dogggie) "mommy's retard baby" ala Palin!

AmyLK said...

Some of them are SO funny! Love it.

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

your tweets make me want to start a twitter page- sadly, id never be as funny as you are. sigh.

♥ Kathy said...

My fav: 8 year old: "What does hover' mean?" Other 8 year old: "When someone's all up in your business." :)

Sarah said...

LMAO!

A Real Housewife said...

i follow your tweets and die laughing every time. thanks!

Boomka said...

I once dated a girl who sat in the front of church so I would notice her. But I just thought she was really religious, so I got turned off and it had the opposite effect. So spit and wipe? Yea, I am with ya on that one.

Boomka said...

I once dated a girl who sat in the front of church so I would notice her. But I just thought she was really religious, so I got turned off and it had the opposite effect. So spit and wipe? Yea, I am with ya on that one.

randomblogette said...

I love "Evacuate the Dancefloor". My kids hate it so I always turn it up in the car and dance!

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Spot said...

Sorry, I would have commented sooner, but I was following that link to the free iphone...

Seriously? Your tweets make me pee a little. Too funny.

♥Spot