Thursday, November 13, 2008

Diary of a Turkey

















November 13
Dear Diary,
After much internal debate I have decided that I can ignore the warning signs no longer. I shall leave under cloak of darkness. I can bring only a flask and my tool kit. Perhaps my lucky hat.

November 14
Dear Diary,
Is it 'on the lam' or 'on the lamb'? Either way, I fear for my safety. Have made camp for the night with a kindly gentleman named Bedazzle Jones under the I-95 overpass. We share bourbon and stories. 

November 15
Dear Diary,
After a fitful sleep, set out for New Jersey. Accepted a ride from a trucker named Cliff, who played nothing but Lionel Ritchie for 2 hours. Cliff is certain that Lionel's career was deliberately sabotaged by the CIA because of what he knows about JFK. Diary, I have learned more in 2 days than I have my entire time on the farm.

Seeing pictures of turkeys everywhere now. Comforting. Must find one of those dashing black buckled hats I've seen some wear. Must rest now. Will write more tomorrow.

24 comments:

Leslie said...

Am I in the top five??? I love turkey diaries! Hilarious!

Lawyer Mom said...

Dear Diary, my new friend Cliff-the-driver advises that Bo Pilgrim is not my father after all. In fact, he wants to kill me. And Tyson? Bo's evil cousin. I've been so deluded. Back on the farm? Liars, all of them. So I'm eloping with the goose. Cliff says Chik-Fil-A will marry us fugitives from justice, and then Cliff will take us to the White House for a presidential pardon. Let's hope this plan works, dear Diary.

Wayne John said...

OMG! Third commentator?!?!?! No way! No way at all! No way no way no way!

Wow! Wowwie! Zowie! Zip dang!

I can't wait for turkey and stuffin'! You made me start to drool a little.

Threeboys1mommy said...

It's on the lam, on the lam, you fool!

McMommy said...

Mmmm...turkey...with gravy...and mashed potatoes...and his lucky hat.

p.s. Just saw your This Blog Needs More Cowbell and I about died laughing. I want to steal that for my blog.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Dear Diary,

I wish, oh how I wish, they would take turkey off of the Atkins list of acceptable foods. I gots to get me some carbs somehow.

Mama Dawg said...

Does said turkey have a name? I can't identify with him until I know his name. And please don't say Tom.

sassy stephanie said...

Turkey, make your way over here. I have a cozy bed of aluminum for you to sleep in. I shall cover you before your slumber in a squishy cornbread "blanket".

georgie said...

Great a turkey with a diary-just one more thing i will have to pull out of his butt before i roast him

Bar-b said...

first off, georgie made me laugh so I apologize.

where you come up with stuf, only you and BG know.

I hope this doesn't end up like "Go Ask Turkey" or like "Turkey Frank's Diary"....but I actually fear it might.

Jennifer said...

Bedazzle Jones!?! ROFL!!!

Andrea said...

November 16

Dear Diary,

Cliff the truck driver pulled over to a rest stop so we could get refreshments. Him, an iced coffee (hey, I thought that was weird too!) and me, Fritos. Noticed while waiting for Cliff to come out of the rest room, that the side of his truck has the word "Butterball" on it. I wonder who this Butterball is? And why is the cab of his truck so cold? It's like there's a freezer nearby...

Wendy said...

oh dear. this can only end badly....

Angela said...

So darn cute! Where do you come up with this stuff?!? ;)

Candice said...

You are a hilarious little Turkey Lurkey...

Heinous said...

Great post!

Loveable Loser said...

The suspense is killing me. Does the bird find true love along the way?

How will it end?

Do shoes come along with the hat?

Is there Avian Flu involved?

Jenni Jiggety said...

I hope he is not heading this way...we are over-run with turkeys!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Oh Little Turkey, why don't you ask Cliff to bring you to the Lone Star state--lots of big fields, sunshine (just ignore that bucket with brine--it's for um pork) ;)

Rachel said...

poor things...but they do taste good!

bernthis said...

Hilarious!!! You are a so so funny. first time here. Nice to meet you.

The Nice One said...

Well, that turkey should be happy with my family, as we are eating Ham for thanksgiving this year. I know, the pilgrims would be so so so ashamed, wouldn't they?

Tasha said...

(Giggling) I've often wondered what a turkey writes in their diary.

BTW, I agree about cowbell. Me wants to steal it, too.

Lulu said...

I have seen turkey McLovin' in my backyard....he's probably only escaping the long arm of the baby chickie mama after the callous way that he brushed her off without so much as a "Hey....I'll call ya."