Friday, September 5, 2008

Breaking Up With the Gym


(phone rings)

Me: Hello?

Gym: It's me.

Me: Oh... hey.

Gym: You've totally been avoiding me.

Me: What? No- I've just been really busy - you know start of school and everything -

Gym: Did I do something? I've been trying to give you your space, but...are we OK?

Me: Totally! Yep- actually I was going to come see you today -

Gym: It's the Blog, isn't it.

Me: (sigh) Look. I have certain needs...

Gym: I heard you're on Twitter, too.

Me: What are you, stalking me? Yeah, I'm on Twitter. They're just friends!

Gym: What the hell is going on with you? You used to come here every day after the bus - Step on Monday, Kickboxing Tuesday, Group Groove on Wednesday-

Me: "Group Groove". I gotta write a post about that.

Gym: I don't know you anymore.

Me: I have 1500 visitors a day and 900 followers on Twitter. They know me.

Gym: They don't know your ass is expanding.

Me: I'll be there tomorrow.


65 comments:

Gettysburg Mom said...

Hmmm.... What's a Gym?

because I said so said...

I broke up with Gym years ago.....so your saying that's the reason for the ass expansion? Maybe I should call and see what Gym's been up to myself!!
'group groove' sounds interesting at best.....do tell.....

Jennifer said...

I broke up w/ my gym long ago. Hired a personal trainer but she's on maternity leave--I can feel the expansion...

Mandy said...

LMAO!! Hilarious!

Former Fat Chick said...

Zumba Baby- try Zumba, the best is to have a few mojitos before you go! hahaaaaa

McMommy said...

Ummm...helloooo???

This is NOT helping our "HappyHourSue & McMommy for HottestBloggers2009" campaign!!!

Brittany said...

Ugh...Gym is such a creep.

sassy stephanie said...

Ok, I can one better you. Up until the end of April, I taught classes at the gym, trained for marathons, made two day bike trips for charity. I moved in May, found the blogging world and have not been to the gym in over a month. So, our expanding asses could get together over coffee, in separate booths of course.

Mr Lady said...

You can the THE GYM that i happen to LIKE a woman with a little junk in the trunk.

ali said...

Touche, Gym. Touche.

Philly said...

He called me too the other day. Thank god for caller ID.

#1

The Mom said...

GYM is totally a man...

You can twitter on the phone too?!

Oh the pressure to make friends!

jill jill bo bill said...

Gym who? he's been asking me to add him to facebook, myspace, IM, everything. He is a stalker. Stay clear. All he wants is your body.....

Ann said...

Mean Gym, mean.

Ah yes, the "expanding butt". Maybe bloggers can make their own brand of sweats, like Juicy Couture has. Now, what should it say across our expanding butt?

kwr221 said...

Hah. My Gym doesn't even know my phone number anymore.

And it wouldn't recognize me because I haven't been in so long that my glasses aren't the same and I'd have to die my gray hair (s).

kwr221 said...

I meant on my membership id.

:::thunk::: that's the sound of a non-witty comment falling on the floor. Hard.

amelia bedelia said...

At least your gym still acknowleges you, my gym gave me the finger years ago! hysterical!

JenniBeanV said...

I think I need to read about Group Groove! I puffy heart love aerobics classes at the gym.

schnaarzy said...

It's OK, we will grow together. Even though I go to the gym, I like surrounding myself with uber, alpha moms that pack a set of balls.

ciara said...

lmfao i know about the expanding ass. it's what happens every time i sit at this computer LOL forget Gym, you could always take up w BOB LOL

Terri said...

The voices in my head love the voices in your head. Let's hope they don't run off together.

Insane Mama said...

Gym's an asshole

Jen said...

We should start a Big Butt Blogger club because mine has expanded since starting this darn blog too. :(

Swirl Girl said...

Gym must know my ass is falling more behind than my payments.

is that an oxymoron of some sort?

Keely said...

I've been avoiding my Gym too...I heard he just recently offed himself to make way for a Gold's.

I can't help but feel somewhat responsible.

TentCamper said...

been reading a lot of posts today along the same lines..including mine. I guess it is that time of year.

Jen said...

I'm with gettysburg mom, whats going to the gym? This is very unfamiliar to me.

Caroline said...

Gym and I just got back together...he's punishing me though...my ass is killing me!

Candice said...

My gym gave me crabs

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

A woman needs a gym like, um...a fish needs a bicycle?

Elle said...

My gym and I parted ways a long time ago. It left me with a sore back and I needed physical therapy. That's what happens when you listen to the "workout instructors" they hire who don't know anything about working out.

Ann said...

Hey Sue,
Me again.
Hey, I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I posted a picture of me with your mug for the Virtual GNO? I would give full credit and linkage and all that good stuff, of course.
I have another idea that I would like to clear with you. Just something silly, but I can't do it without your ok.
Here's my e-mail annharrison@comcast.net

Lauren said...

Gym's and I have NEVER had a good relationship. HA.

Threeboys1mommy said...

Wait! What about all that Laughing My Ass OFF business? That doesn't count?

KSK said...

Gym schmym.

Liz said...

Ya know, when I was in high school, my mom & I joked about creating our own line of clothing called "Expand-a-butt". Maybe there was something to that. Perhaps we should meet with a marketing agent!

Scary Mommy said...

Gym is a total dick. Lose him!

Deb said...

You know, you are not the only one gym is calling. Gym is a player, kind of like BG?

Does Mr. Jonas call you and hassle you like this? I think not.

Maybe I'm bitter b/c gym broke up with me. I was embarassing him.

Meg said...

Tell Gym to start commenting here and then you'll think about visiting.

oº˚ Anissa ˚ºo said...

That's funny the last time I was in a gym I was in high school. I'm am way to busy to do that these days. Much Love! Tell the gym you wouldn't of been voted hottest blogger if your ass was expanding.

Diesel said...

500 visitors a day? Man, I need to spend less time at the gym.

Petra said...

Haha, at least you are still on speaking terms with the gym. I lost touch A LONG time ago!

I am Boymom said...

I quit Gym when I got married. And I have the ass to prove it. I have a treadmill now. I figure it was cheaper to stare at it in my own house than to keep paying Gym and avoiding him.

Heinous said...

What does Gym know? A few more days won't hurt, will it?

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Ugh; my gym needs to call me :)

Alecia said...

So funny!! Gym has been calling me for 6 months now but, I never answer.

mommaof4wife2r said...

to that, i tip my glass!

Allison said...

tell the gym you're becoming the Kim Kardashian of blogging and you don't need it because your ass will make you millions.

I broke up with my gym after not going for 2 months. It only cost me like $300 to break the contract. They don't make that shit easy, that's for sure.

Linda S said...

Make Gym work a little hard for it...you're worth it aren't you? No pain, no gain!

The Mom said...

You are hilarious!!!! I live to in the country to attend the gym, but begged for fitness equipment, and now I don't use it! Ha. I gave your awsome blog an award! ;)

Shelley said...

Gym made me sign a contract with him for a year to get his lowest price! I go for three months and then pay for not going for nine months. I'm not falling for that one again. Thank God he doesn't call. Ass-expansion be damned.

Did you see Diesel up there, bragging about how well HE gets along with Gym? I think maybe they're a couple now...

sista #2 said...

Gym is gay....which is why we dont see each other anymore.

shit happens


peace
32

The Nice One said...

LMAO...yea, it's really sad when blogging has completely taken over my life. Whew. At least I still force myself to run. It helps.
Thanks for the info about Google Analytics ;)

jaime said...

yo, you can do much better then Gym. I heard he was a pain in the ass.

lol!
or

just don't pay the bill and then they will cancel you...and then you'll have an excuse why you can't go anymore.

Alice said...

Ahhh...the expanding ass.

Which is why there are no current pics of me on my blog.

I anxiously await 'group groove' post. I'm guessing there are some dopey moves or rythmless people in there. ; )

georgie said...

I once knew a Gym...or was it Jim he was GREAT mmmhmmmm

Invisible Woman said...

I admit...I'm seeing GYM. But I always hate myself in the morning. The bright side, it's a great place to learn alpha mom behaviors.

deconstructing jen said...

OH my goodness. You made me pee a little. I need to have a similar conversation with our Gym.

Leslie said...

I can understand how you feel. I don't blame you. ;)

Chrissy said...

I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sue Yor awesome!
You crack me up.

LuLu said...

9am Balletone be there

Annie said...

If it makes you feel any better, I go to the gym and my ass is still expanding!

Lisa-licious said...

I look at my ass this way...I compare it to television sets. It was at one time "rear-projection". I was really hitting "the GYM" for a while, and it progressed to "High-Definition". Now, sadly, "Flat-screen". I blame you, Sue, for getting me addicted to this blah-ging! Love you, hate you, love you, love you, love you!!!!

* TONYA * said...

yeh, thanks for that reminder. Note to self. Get fat ass off the computer chair and do a half dozen sit-ups before making next blog comment.

LiteralDan said...

This is just like me, except I never went to the gym in the first place.