Thursday, August 7, 2008

Why Dooce Wishes She Was Me


This is Dooce.

For those of you who don't know, Dooce is the ├╝ber-blogger. The high priestess of the personal blog genre. Attendees of the BlogHer '08 conference were "too nervous to approach her" at cocktail hour. 

So she gets millions (literally - millions) of  hits a month and has 13,000 followers on Twitter. 

And she has to close her comments at 700. 

And she has corporate sponsors and 2 book deals. 

And was written about in Glamour magazine. 

And she was on the Today Show and is listed in Wikipedia. 

And her husband was able to quit his job to help her run her blog empire, and subsequent plan to rule the world.  

And she has the cheekbones of a supermodel, and looks like she should be in a movie with Hugh Grant about weddings.


But.


Does she have...






THESE??????

Yeah. That's all I'm sayin'.


79 comments:

Jennifer said...

Yes--Dooce is a force to be reckoned with. It's mind boggling, really.

Hmmmm--so by "these" are you talking about the sunglasses or the cleavage? Or something else entirely that I'm too dumb to pick up on!?

P.S. I'm adding you to my blogroll!

Leslie said...

So yeah...the vodka is en-route. As are the glasses. I'm going to need it!!! You kill me.... you are just going to have to pick me up off the floor now. I love your sense of humor. And you are totally invited over to my house, my new apt. once we get it all "spiffied" up, and we can have a drink at my new table! ;)

Channah said...

Yes, with the ta-tas, you shall single-handedly crumble the dooce empire.
Heck, with my nursing ta-tas, together, we could rule the world!

Raging Dad said...

Hilarious. Dooce is basically a corporation. Fun blog, I'll be put you on my roll. Love the action figure guy!

ciara said...

i never even heard of dooce until i went to one of the blogs i read. really. and that was just not too long ago.

this was a hilarious post...i'm sure dooce doesn't have as great of ta-tas or sunglasses LOL :)

threeboys1mommy said...

That's a great pair of sunglasses! What ev! I've never heard of this Douche. I'm all about happy Hour Sue.

ali said...

Come to think of it, I've never seen those on her style section!

Insane Mama said...

haha nobody can mess with a woman with cleavage. That is a fact!

Brittany said...

Wicked tatas trump corporate sponsors any day of the week!

JenniBeanV said...

Well, crap!

I don't have the sponsers OR the cleavage! LOL!

Blessings From Above said...

Work it girl!!!

McMommy said...

HELLZ NO SHE DON'T!!

And I double-dog dare ya to show her so at BlogHer next year.

jill jill bo bill said...

You boobalicious chicks make me sick. In a good way. Or not.

The Mom said...

Fun-to-read DOES NOT EQUAL Fun-to-read-with-fun-bags!

SUECE is the new DOOCE!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Oooh, someone sounds a little jealous...

Magster said...

Too fn funny!!!

georgie said...

Oh my...what BIG booo errr sunglasses you have....you go girl

Patrice said...

Omg! This cracked me up. Seriously I've been reading your blog for like maybe a week & I am beyond hooked! I have never even heard of dooce before so she can't be that great haha! Plus you were recommended by google reader so take that Dooce!
I am so adding you to my blog roll. I can no longer resist!

Lipstick said...

Well, don't you have some super great boobies! I like you way better than Dooce the blog queen.

Caroline said...

you win! Boobs down!

Tenakim said...

I hadn't heard of her until I saw the Today show with her on it (but then again, I'm an idiot)- I recall Kathie Lee kinda not digging her and the blogging- I DID NOT, however remember a rack like that on her... and I think I would have remembered that!

{Anissa} said...

You go girl -- she could never measure up to those or mine LOL! Love it love reading your post.

Anonymous said...

I just went to Dooce for the first time. I must admit YOU are WAY funnier. I ALWAYS laugh at your blog...some of her's--not so much. (Note to self--always post anonymously if you are speaking evil of Dooce. I heard she has almost as much power as Oprah!)

Amy said...

You go girl! :D

Wendy said...

Did I just see a gratuitous boob shot?!

Ann said...

Amen Sista'!
This is what I'm wondering almost every day. (Maybe I should try doing THAT in front of my mirror. The magnified side.)
That's impressive!!!

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Quit bragging! If you took both my boobs, combined them together and added one of my butt cheeks, it still wouldn't look as nice as those!

Just a wee bit jealous over here.

Philly said...

You forgot to mention her chin, its like a ski slope !!

#1

sinisterdan said...

I would like to thank you, and all women bloggers everywhere who decide to have cleavage as a feature in their post.

It's people like you who make the world a brighter place for all of us.

*sniff*

Gettysburg Mom said...

1- This is how you end up with those MILF commenters... do you miss him?

2- Dooce's husband probably wishes she was you, too...

Anne said...

Ha, she isn't perfect afterall! I knew it!

McMommy should watch the double dog dare.. it might be considered a threat. Did you read the latest entry on her hubby's blog? They seem to take those very seriously.

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, my. I don't swing that way but I'm impressed.

And no, I'm pretty sure she doesn' those. But I'm sure she wishes she does!

Alice said...

The necklace? Maybe. If she's got millions.

Nice knockers. ; )

And hey...you've got me and Dooce doesn't. How 'bout them apples?

leigh said...

hey! i got that. the brighton necklace i mean.

oh. and the hooters too.

FlowerGirl said...

That's what I'm talkin' about!! You go girl with your boobalicious self!! You're too funny!

Dooce who? I've never heard of her... Besides, I can't really be bothered to check out the site of someone that should be in a movie with Hugh Grant (you're totally right about that). I have a feeling she doesn't compare anyway...

Tiffany said...

Those babies sure can take you places. LOL

Meg said...

You go girl!!! I say use what you got--not that I would ever show my cleavage on my blog.

Kelly said...

oh Sue..I love you! You are so funny! I'll take great ta ta's over ruling the blog world any day! Kisses!

sista #2 said...

Dont get #1 started on Doocebag. She will go off for days.

I don't see what the big fuss is about her. Big deal. Everytime I have gone to her page her comments are closed. Screw that.

Are you serious no one would approach her? ROFLMAO that is too funny.

and BTW I dont think she has those either. You beat her by a mile.

peace
#2

mammadawg.com said...

LMAO! I love it - and ditto to The Mom - "Seuce is the new Deuce!!"

Debbie said...

Oh she can buy "sunglasses" like those anywhere. ;)

creative-type dad said...

I was going to make a Mr. Peterman joke, but that would be inappropriate

Jonny's Mommy said...

Someone else might have said this, but she may not have THOSE, but she could probably BUY those.

Bitch.

Her. Not you.

:-)

Wait, you too. What are you complaining about? You look like a model.

Bitch.

:-)

Jonny's Mommy said...

Oh my gosh. Sorry about that comment.I'm supposed to be a good Christian girl and I just called you a name. It was said in jest, so I hope you'll forgive me and my Christian mom bloggers will too.

Mama Dawg said...

Just gave you an award..make your way my way and pick it up!

Chelle said...

Not once has my husband said anything about cheekbones. It's always the boobs!

Rick said...

What? Those sunglasses?

BusyDad said...

Yeah, I'd be too nervous to approach those -er - I mean you.

Jen said...

I don't know about Dooce, but I wish I had your boobs. Is that weird to say in comments?

Swirl Girl said...

LOVE IT!

I've never even read her stuff. Who needs corporate sponsors and book deals when you have grand and glorious hooters.


Your 'bubbles' are beautiful BTW
(as my daughter would say)

just a girl... said...

IF 700 comments means you have hit it big, I quit. LOL. You people on here are funny. I laughed more reading the comments. Love your blog

The Nice One said...

Beautimous. Very good.

I must live on another planet...I have not heard of Goddess Dooce. I must go investigate....

M.Green said...

Hysterical - so glad I found your blog!

~annie said...

Like I said before, I started following blogs when I saw Dooce on Today, but only because I stumbled into Happy Hour. Have only checked back on Dooce once to see if I was missing something. Uh... no.

You have spoiled me with your hip wit. I still laugh about someone's "flava sava" comment on BG. I get my street smarts here; thanks! Now go get some sponsors!!

Eden said...

I enjoyed that entirely too much.

Linney Shvede said...

too funny! She's probably buying them right now...

Not Just Any Jen said...

You are hilarious! Nice rack too! Must say, I wish I was you with those!
Jen

Outnumbered2to1 said...

I would MUCH rather have major (pronounced ala Victoria Beckman) knockers than make 1/2 million dollars a year.

Maybe.

Me said...

When did they start making sunglasses under the brand name Knockers? Nice pair ;)

You forgot... and she makes $40,000 a month.

Nice gig if you can get it.

I agree with the other folks, you are funnier than Dooce and I don't lie.

Shelley said...

Ok, I'll probably be publically hanged for saying this, but...Dooce? I don't get it. I have read many posts over there. And not one of them has made me OMGLOL. You, on the other hand? Tons of LOLs. And I'm jealous of your boobs. Are you hiding BG in there somewhere? Is he going to be at the party? I need pictures!

Onknees (not_onknees at the moment) said...

I used to have a nice set of 40 C's.......now I have a set of 42 longs......but they still get attention when they are in their underwire holster.....

TGsacks,Think Global,Shop Beautiful said...

you make me laugh, thank god! it is monday morning the rain rains and the house is about to erupt with all the children and the nonsense, thanks for starting my day off on the funny note :) R

Former Fat Chick said...

Sweetie...you are forgetting the most important part...Dooce's hubby may get to quit his job, but he does not get to rub up on those bodacious boobylicious boobies of yours! ha-ha my husband was a butt man until I bought the most beautiful rack on the planet for myself, now he argues with himself as to which he likes MORE! wa-haha...boobs or butt...butt or boobs...

Elisa said...

No offense, but I really don't see the appeal. Dooce's appeal I mean, not... the other things ;-) I definitely see the appeal of those - got some myself ;-)

mommypie said...

Those ta-tas CRUSH Dooce.

Katie said...

Ha. No, she does not. And neither do I. :) And she would quickly agree with you as it is a frequent post topic of hers (or used to be.)

Jenny said...

LMAO! She has nothing on you!

anti-supermom said...

You know that she totally could afford the boob job though, if she wanted.

Until that day, you're totally one-boob-up (or two) on her ~

The White House said...

That is great. I would much rather party with you during Happy Meals and Happy Hour than Dooce- any day.

Elaine A. said...

Yeah, I don't know but I think she has pretty nice teeth too. Oh wait, that's not what you are referring to, is it? ; )

Jenn said...

OMG ..that is too funny..hahaha !

mom2natnkatncj said...

Hahahaha, what's all that fame and fortune with out huge jugs anyways ;).

kwr221 said...

Nice necklace.

Yeah, that's it. I bet Dooce doesn't have a nice necklace like that.

And Dooce? Totally needs to see a brow shaper/waxer.

Darrin said...

Yes!! BEEEEAUTIFUL Glasses! They look real also. Not like those cheap knock-offs! ;^)

Wayne said...

Knock out! I'm down with a one-two punch in the eyeballs. Ouch...that hurt but felt good at the same time.

Well played, and Dooce has nothing on you.

MommaWannabe said...

LMAO.Hahahah. Yeah it looks like Dooce does not have THOSE;)

You go girl!

Cheryl said...

Just need to know, because I don't want to keep staring at your boobs inappropriately.....is that a Judith Ripka necklace and did you take that from my jewelry box?

I tried to pay my cell phone bill with my boobs once. The woman said I was not funny. Come on. Boobs rule.

Shaggs said...

I hope you haven't closed off comments on this one but here goes anyway. I'm sorry, but I think Dooces blog is a bit shit really and you are FAR more entertaining - her life's quite mundane really compared to your terrorist lovin, alcohol and drug abusing, big boobied exploits. I hate being advertised at while I'm trying to read, I cant hack the arty farty little pics, I cant tell whats her blog and whats just crap really. She should stick to crappy books and leave blogs to those of us who are too pissed (and or drugged or large breasted) to hold a book.

Elle The Heiress said...

I just want to say that I really dislike Dooce and I absolutely do not understand her appeal.