Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Have Questions







These are the things that keep me awake at night.



How does my blender know the difference between "Milkshake" and "Smoothie"?


Why is Bret Favre's name pronounced "Farv"?


Why do people with large houses assume you want a "tour"?


What ever happened to SARS and the Bird Flu?


When did India take over the Dunkin Donuts franchise?


How did the Mars Rover get on Mars?


Why are Easy buttons and Trouble dice poppers so irresistable?




Why can't we have more terror threat level colors, like Burnt Umber?


Who are these freaks spending  $10,000 on a "vaginal rejuvenation'?


I need answers. Or Ambien. Or both.

47 comments:

mommablogsalot said...

lmao - thank you for posting this - it dragged me out of my worrying black hole for a minute - which is awesome! And furthermore, "I know, right?"

Patrice said...

lmao omg this is hilarious. God can you post something boring just once so I don't feel so lame for not being at all!?!? Thanks.
I wish I had answers... but I don't, sorry. I don't have Ambien either, but if I did I would so send you some! #3 is my favorite.. so true and SO FUNNY!

The Mom said...

Seriously...FARV!? There's a basketball player AntAWn Jamison and his name is pronounced AnTWon. It's just not right.

Athletes. PFT!

Michael PHLeps...no!

SCHWAN Johnson...no!

*sigh*

jill jill bo bill said...

As far as the Dunkin' Doughnuts go, the answer is: Right after they bought and took over every convenience store/gas station so when you stop and ask directions you are even more lost. It's their plan.

dankyouveddymuch

Tasha said...

I totally have these, too. Like why do they make mouthwash soooo painful?! I want it to clean my mouth, not burn off all living tissue. Maybe someday we'll know all the answers.

Shannon said...

Why is Bret Favre's name pronounced "Farv"? ....this has always driven me crazy, too!

Alice said...

My va-jay-jay could probably use some rejuvenation so I'd be that particular freak if I had the dough. ; )

Drowsey Monkey said...

What's vaginal rejuvenation? Isn't that a more important question? lol

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

Another question - Why would Anheuser-Busch merge with another out of the country company? Soooo Sad!!

Leigh said...

Stumbled in here, and laughed bunches til I got to the last one.

The "freak" we had in our office last week that had just had it done had been the victim of sexual assault, and needed reconstructive surgery to get her down under a diameter of SEVEN inches. And there are plenty of cases where after childbirth women have severe enough tearing that they need this surgery. Some things you just can't (and shouldn't) ignore.

Sure, some crazy ladies with too much money to burn are getting it done, but sometimes it's necessary in order to ever have sex again. And I would probably pay $100,000 if it meant I got to enjoy sex again for the rest of my life lol

On the less serious note, how the hell do people get to look at you like you're stupid when you say FARV wrong?

Jen said...

There is what I know. SARS and bird flu are still there they are just not a big of deal that they were made out to be, never were.

Shelley said...

Heee! Well, when the bird flu found out it couldn't kill us all, it just quietly slunk away into the night. It was pissed.

I don't know why people with large houses assume you want a tour. Or maybe they're not assuming you want a tour, maybe they just want to show off their bright, shiny big house that's better than yours. Why does my mother keep showing me pictures of my brother's ginormous new house in North Carolina?

I'll explain the Favre thing to you just as soon as someone explains to me how Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski can possible ask us to believe that his last name is pronounced "Sha-shef-ski".

Some mysteries will never be solved. Xanax is good too. And wine.

Linney Shvede said...

You're a riot! I'm sorry you are kept up at night. That sucks...I'd work the ambien angle. No worries here, missy!

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

these ARE pressing questions. but really the only one I can sorta help you with is the milshake/smoothie. to quote the song--"my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" um, yeah, that's all I've got, I'm out! ;P

Swirl Girl said...

these are mysteries of life right up there with the Hanging Gardens of Babylon....

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

"When did India take over the Dunkin Donuts franchise?"

When you find out the answer to this one, please let me know. It's almost as if they got tired of 7-11 and headed to Dunkin donuts...because after all - Everybody runs on Dunkin.

Keeper Of All Things said...

Why does the phone or doorbell ring just when you sit down to poop?.....
TMI?!!!
LOL

Kristi O said...

okay these are old but I want to know... in some parts of the country you drive on the "parkway" and park in the "driveway"

and how do you "tun a fish?"
Yes, I am so glad I came by your blog always makes me laugh. We live in rural Idaho and we don't have any dunkin donuts but we have our first India-owned market, we have to be careful and not say "indianowned" market since we have a tribe here to. Anyway they sell the oddest things, not just milk, etc but some funky fun as well!

Brittany said...

Dude! WTF is with the tour?! I know what a house is, yours is just like mine, only bigger!

Me said...

it doesn't, you need a smoothie maker too

signed,

small kitchen appliance sales guy

scarletvirago said...

Yeah, I don't have an answer to #5, but I do have another way to phrase it:

America runs on Dunkin Donuts. Americans just don't RUN Dunkin Donuts.

*groan* Bad joke, I know.

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Too cute- I wish I had answers for you!

Tenakim said...

yuk, Leigh's story just took all of the funny out of vaginal rejuvination for me.

As for Dunkin Donuts- there isn't one in like a 5 state radius- WHY DO THEY ADVERTISE HERE?

Blessings From Above said...

Hey, I take offense to being called a freak! My husband and boyfriend both think the results of my surgery were awesome and definitely worth dipping into the kids college fund.

Just think Sue, you too could be a 40 year old virgin...or at least feel like it! ;)

georgie said...

WTF is a vaginal rejuvination? OMGosh LMAO-next there will be a show on E about plastic surgeons and the Va-jay-jay revolution

threeboys1mommy said...

Did someone say vaginal rejuvenation?

Kelly said...

lol you are so funny..I never can come up with this stuff..
love it!

McMommy said...

Sue, will you marry me?

Just think...we can stay up late together and ponder things. While drinking Dunkin' coffee.
Under our Jonas Brothers poster.

Dorky Dad said...

DUDE ... you can get a blender that knows the difference between milkshake and smoothie? My blender couldn't tell a milkshake from dog food. Stupid blender. I hate it.

Sorry. I didn't mean to turn my comment into an anti-myblender screed.

wehave9 said...

FUNNY! I lie awake at night thinking about strange things, but you got me beat! The vaginal rejuvenation thing is the one I now require an answer to. That's nuts!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

RE: Dunkin Donuts advertising where there is none; we are bombarded with ads for Sonic. The nearest Sonic is 125 miles away.

Which really irritates me because I hear they have some sort of breakfast burrito with TOTS in it.

(Not small children; TATER tots.)

I have to leave now to take TWO house tours. (Its my job. But sometimes its irritating. Where do these people get off being so tidy and well organized? And rich? Jerks.)

Val said...

It's so true! Like how does the microwave defrost? Do the waves move backwards?

Another great post!

Queen Goob said...

Those sound like the questions I posed on my profile.....LMAO!

~annie said...

I have more questions - Why does anyone still have a mustache? Psssst - men over 40, mustaches went out 10 years ago unless you're a redneck. (men under 40 don't have mustaches, BTW)

Why do women victimize each other with overpriced shop at home "parties"? I have felt guilty about every purchase I've ever made at one.

I actually like a house tour. Better than watching CRIBS where it looks like the truck just dropped everything off that morning.

AHH. I feel better. Thanks, Sue.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Oh, the parties. And then the 'hostess' tries to corner you into having one. So the same friends who spent all their disposable income at the party you are currently attending can be obligated to go to a second one in three weeks' time. How many people does this woman think I know? And how many cookie cooling racks and 80 pound stoneware baking dishes do I need?

trashalou said...

Laughing outloud at these.

Thansk for coming to play at Trash Towers up here on the hill. I'm glad you liked my phhotoes.

Heather said...

I don't have an answer specifically, but I will say that whatever it is that makes the Easy buttons and Trouble poppers so irresistible is the same thing that makes me always have to push down every button on top of a soft drink cup - y'know, the ones from fast-food type places... Diet, Other, Root Beer, Regular.....

And while my blender may not be chic enough to differentiate between "smoothie" and "milkshake" it did puree 5 cups worth of fresh peaches for me this afternoon, so woot on that count! :D

Thanks for the chuckle today!

sista #2 said...

I don't have an answer to any of your questions.

BUT...
Today I was in Wallyworld perusing the clearance items. I walked by the a shelf, out of the corner of my eye, I see BATHTUB GANGSTA staring at me. I kid you not. Did he get out today? Notice your car missing per chance?
Me being me, I laugh hysterically all by my lonesome like the crazy lady in Wallyworld that I am.
Turns out...it was an impersonator. BG is that famous he has Bratz imposters.
God love him.

peace #2

April said...

I would just take the ambien...LOL funny post

Deb said...

Take the Ambien, and throw in some Xanax just to be on the safe side.

I think people like to give "tours" so that people like me can feel shitty about their digs. Just an opinion.

Great post.

Stephanie Jean said...

Sent an email with a nice video that I found for a lovely craft project I found after watching a YouTube video to learn just what vaginal rejuvenation was...thanks for the educational moment.

Jenn said...

Those are great questions, if I had the extra money though I'd rather spend it on my kitchen. Something that other people will actually see !

The Microblogologist said...

With SARS it basically ran its course, there are still cases but it is not poised to be a pandemic.

The bird flu is the one that still has potential to kick our butts but thankfully has not yet (and hopefully never will) mutated into a form that can pass between humans. If it does then we could have a massive problem on our hands, hopefully there is a vaccine developed before it makes the jump. You don't hear about it anymore since it has taken longer than our attention spans to become a active threat.

Time will tell but worrying about it won't change anything, if we're all gunna die we're all gunna die, c'est la vie (or is it ce n'est pas la vie?). I wonder why my mom says I'm morbid...

Wendi said...

You also have answers!
And they are hilarious!
Where do you come up with this stuff?
That is my question.

just a girl... said...

you had me peeing my pants at bird flu. LMAO

Ambien Prescription Medication said...

My name is Cherise Kenner and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ambien.

I have taken for 1 years. I am 57 years old. Works great if I take it on an empty stomach, and get right into bed. If you take it and try to keep yourself awake, you can override the pill and be up all night.

Side Effects :
None.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Cherise Kenner

Ramesh said...

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