Job Requirement:
Be on alert every second, scanning a deep pool full of 50 or more young children of varying swimming abilities. Must be able to scan, assess and anticipate every possible situation and scenario. Full visual and mental focus on pool at all times.
Job employee:
Hormone-distracted teenage boy thinking about current girlfriend, Maddie, ex-girlfriend, Jessica who keeps texting him, future girlfriend, Missy, in hot bikini over by the snack shack, parents who will ground him when they find out about the beer missing from the fridge, decision about which party to go to tonight, and whether he has enough money to buy Grand Theft Auto IV.
My Plan:
The MomGuard.
The pool club would have to pony up a bit in hourly wage, but the MomGuard would be the BOMB.
Dude, check it: Red miraclesuit with swim skirt. Large brimmed straw hat. SPF 50.
"Hunter Peterson! You just ate lunch- Out of the pool!"
"Mackenzie Jacobs! Do you have sunscreen on???"
"Cole and Bradley Shipman - Stay away from each other!"
"Great dive, Kelly - Yes, I saw that!"
"Nicholas Matthews - go use the restroom!"
"Morgan Jeffries - jump out farther or you'll crack your skull open!"
Seriously - wouldn't you be able to relax more??????
52 comments:
I know I would -- I would of walked up to that little guy and would of told him a few things. I'm so scared of water my kids will not swim without me being there. I think jobs like that need more qualifications!
I'd hire you in a minute! As long as you institute the 'adults only swim' hour, and remind me to butter up and turn over to the other side! While you are watching my kids that is....That would be the real Happy Hour.
I've often thought about this and how it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. The other place that you'll find this type of mismatched employment placement is at the amusement park. Do I really want the teenager that you just described making sure we are all safely strapped into a roller coaster? I think not.
I agree, up the pay, up the service.And who better than a mom? Brilliant.
hysterical and absolutely freaking BRILLIANT. I would SO do that and be willing to pay extra at the pool for that. seriously after my heart attack filled afternoon taking my kids to the local water park I would so get behind this!
Can you come work at my pool! That would be great!!!!!!
I took my kids to the Y not to long ago and the girl on duty..was checking out her locks..rubbing her legs and swatting flies away..not paying attention at all to the chaos that ensues at the pool. I'd hire you (just like the other commentor) in a second..as long as you bring me some Mojitos! hahah
You've got the right idea for sure! By the way, I ordered the blog t-shirt you made, and love it! I got the light blue one.
Man, you are right on target! The kids that patrol our Y are funny. They even enacted "adult swim" this year. So, every couple of hours, they get a break and we all get to entertain our kids 'out of the water' for 15 minutes... Yeah, thanks. I'm presenting your idea to them next week...
This is SO funny and so on target. I love the swim skirt and SPF 50 part!!!
We need the "mom guard" at our pool. That would be super cool. I always wondered what the life guards were doing when they were looking off into space and not on the pool
I'd be the first in line for that pool membership!
Not that I think teenagers are brilliant or anything (I have two, myself), but at our public pools here, the high school-aged lifeguards do a really good job as far as watching what's going on and being alert.
But the Momguard? Yeah, I'd so pay for that. Because the lifeguard isn't telling them to put on more sunscreen or go to the bathroom. That's practically priceless.
That's perfect, I'm all in for that idea!
I relax more if the welfare trash moms would keep an eye on their kids. Apparently, they think the lifeguard is also a babysitter, so they can lay on a chair and take a nap--or talk with their boyfriend, who just got out on probation and has to wear his ankle monitor. (No lie.) I found you on the Blog Around the World site, and I'm so happy to find someone else in PA! Yeah!
Love it. Genius.
You'd be much better than me. I bring my book and look up every five minutes or so.
No floaters yet!
I keep trying to vote for you, but HB is having technical issues. Been getting them a lot this weekend.
Too funny! I love it. you could franchise! MomGuards all over the country. I like the whole happy hour idea too. bring it on!
I think I would breathe a lot easier with MOMGUARD on duty!! LOL!
Giveaway on my blog if anyone's intertested...
Too funny! Perhaps my post to the Mommy at the Pool should read this one as well! I will admit that ours are college age and do make the older kids mind. I also have fun looking at some of the more hunky ones in their red swim shorts!
Julie
Don't nominate me. Please! Cause I'm not jumping in that pee water to save a kid.
I need a full time momguard. LOL
I love it!!! And that reminds me of a story....must blog now....
you are just plane awesome!!~
Absolutely hilarious! Although I am trying not to take offense to the fact that teenagers are not qualified to be good workers! I'm sure I would be a damn good lifeguard, thank you very much. But, I suppose mom's would be (and unofficially already are) better... so I'll let this one go!
Great post as always... are you ever not funny ?!?!
Ummm, YEAH!!!!
Yeah, I have seen my share of young lifeguards this year. Definitely start a movement for Mom Guards.
Best idea ever!
You'r hired!
The teen slacker lifeguards at our pool don't even pretend to be watching. I get pi$$ed off everytime I see them.
I'd totally be able to relax. I'm for hire!
Great plan, but can we at least have some hot, shirtless guys selling snacks or something?
Brilliant! As a former teenage lifeguard and a current mom, this could be your million dollars - a corps of MomGuards making the nation safer one public pool at a time!
LOVE the Mom guard idea-you should sooo patent that!
I totally agree and i would hire you too.
Seriously, teenage hormone crazed boys are not who I want watching my kids in the pool.
A hormone crazed adult woman with kids on the other hand?
Would work for me.
Awesome idea! "Aaron Standridge, get that girl OFF your shoulders! You don't know where 'that's' been!"
Brilliant and hilarious!
You are hired!!!
When I was at the beach a couple weeks ago...the lifeguard was reading a book. I mean literally reading a book up in the chair, not even trying to fake it. The momguard would be the bomb! :)
You're hired!!!
Great idea! We are so used to distractions that they don't distract us anymore. Ehm... did that make sense?
So, yeah, if you ever need a little extra cash, it looks like your career as a Momguard is SOLID.
You crack me up.
Absolutely! Sounds like me. I'd pay you. -- Michele
This sounds like what I do already.
(Only there's no pay.)
I'm one of those moms that says 'Sure I'll watch your kids.' Only to realize that I'm the only mom watching and the rest are at the pool-side bar!
I need to start loading up my water bottle with a bit of 'mommies juice box'.
It's the end of summer! You'd think I would have caught on by now.
that first part is so true. Mine is 13 and is juggling 5.
You franchise that, and I am so in.
I love it! Our lifeguards are pretty good, they know all the kids by name and arent afraid to blow the whistle.
I love the mom lifeguard idea, then I could nap poolside or actually read my book!
I want you at my pool.
Oh, to be able to relax and have a drink poolside. YEA!!!
AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I so heard myself in that post!
But as the kids get older, the Momguard leans a bit toward sarcastic comments that the other mommies will giggle at.
I would hire you!
Where do you come up with this stuff?
You are hysterical!
Can I clone you? Too many pools, not enough Sue...
I do this anyway. I totally keep an eye on the 12 y.o. girl from my kids' martial arts school who shows up at the bikini in stuff an adult shouldn't wear and flirts with all the college kids. She is NEVER there with her mom. That tiny bikini might not look so cute when she's 9 months pregnant!
Oh, the Momguard is Brilliant!
You could make a little extra cash (you know, for the Chardonnay, wink, wink) by conducting MomGuard training classes.
Where in PA are you? Or is that a super-top-secret location?
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