Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Mom Facts











The greatest thing about being a parent is that up until the age of 13, your kids take every word you say as gospel.  Granted, this does tend to bite you in the ass when the information is shared on the playground.

My 9 year old: "Tiger Woods is probably gonna die soon from a disease you can get from having too many girlfriends."

Other 9 year old: "How do you know?"

My 9 year old : "My mom told me."

Listen. It's not totally out of the question.


Anyway. So this morning we had the following dialogue regarding nutrition:

Her: "Is the sugar in fruit just as bad as the sugar in candy?"

Me: "No. Your body uses fruit sugar for energy but stores bad sugar like bread as fat."

Her: "You mean your body puts the bread right in your butt?"

Me: '"Exactly."

Her: "That's mean..."

Me: "It IS mean."

Her: "Can you ever get it out?"

Me:" If you stop eating bad sugar it'll go away. Or you can have an operation."

Her: "There's an operation to get the bread out of your butt?"

Me: "Yes."

Her: "Do they just cut it off?"

Me: "No. They vacuum it out."

Her:" Does it hurt to vacuum bread out of your butt?"

Me: "Yes. "

Her: "But not as much as having a baby right?"

Me: "Nothing hurts as much as having a baby. That's why women are actually stronger than men."

Her: "I'm never having a baby."

Me: "Well you don't have to."

Her: "On 'Glee', Quinn said Puck made her pregnant...how does a boy make a girl pregnant?"

Me: "He can't unless the girl wants to be pregnant and they get permission from God."


Mom Facts. Because We Said So.

22 comments:

Former Fat Chick said...

oh sweet Jesus- as a girl who got knocked up at 18, we did NOT have permission form GOD! BTW, my kids tried to look for the eyes in the back of my head under all my damn hair for YEARS!

Anonymous said...

Is that why we keep hearing...Oh God...Oh God...Oh God...while in flagrante!

The Mayor said...

My 25,27 and 29 year old claim to believe that I'm always right.
The teens I have at home still have lost the faith in that, but they'll eventually get back on board.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

Super ending, but I already burned my God bridge...if you know what I mean.

Doh.

Janny said...

Love it!

Pink Velvet Mommy said...

pretty sure that on will come back to bite you in the ass, or she will be in therapy for many, many years!!

funny stuff!!

I have been wondering what I ate that put all that on my damn butt!!

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

i like that God had the final say in this discussion.

on a related note, where was God when it was decided bread would go to your ass...?

Lipstick said...

"permission from God"......that is hilarious!!! I have missed you HHS!!
I am finally making the blog rounds again!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Oh that's great!! Had to keep in the laughs at work today. Too funny!

AmyLK said...

Too funny! Hope this one doesn't come back to bite you on the butt. But then there goes some of the bread sugar that was put back there.

Jazz said...

That one'll go over well on the playground.

♥ Kathy said...

LMAO I'm amazed she didn't ask how to get permission :)

3 Peanuts said...

Oh you CRACK me up! I especially loved the bread to your butt part. I had to go one a sugar free yeast free diet for six weeks (I am ending week 5 as I type_ and you know what...the places I have lost weight ARE my butt and my thighs and I have NEVER been able to lose weight there. So yeah, it that damn sugar!

Catcher in the Rye said...

this post made me laugh uncontrollably, i'm so glad that other people have kids so that they can share these stories.....without me having to experience them lol

SueMac said...

Love the bread going right on your butt part.... and how you brought Puck into the post. But where was the hot picture of Puck?

Anonymous said...

知道他有了外遇
面對他的低聲下氣妳冷嘲熱諷、無理取鬧
妳瘋狂似的大吵大鬧
甚至到他的公司去亂、向他的親友抱怨、向鄰居們哭訴…
妳把他的外遇鬧的人盡皆知
最後,妳把他的愧疚消耗殆盡…
最後,妳把他想要回頭的念頭打消…
最後,妳自己把他推向外遇的第三者身邊…

Merrie said...

Amen.

Lisa-licious said...

Dude, Roo keeps asking me if "the mom does something special to make the baby show up in her belly". I'm quick to respond, "Hey, who wants pizza for dinner?!" Ugh. I'm scerred. She's only 8!

The Nice One said...

LOVE it!
"Mom, how DID the baby get in your tummy" asked my 8 year old the other day....I told her to ask her father.

Anonymous said...

知道他有了外遇
面對他的低聲下氣妳冷嘲熱諷、無理取鬧
妳瘋狂似的大吵大鬧
甚至到他的公司去亂、向他的親友抱怨、向鄰居們哭訴…
妳把他的外遇鬧的人盡皆知
最後,妳把他的愧疚消耗殆盡…
最後,妳把他想要回頭的念頭打消…
最後,妳自己把他推向外遇的第三者身邊…

Julie said...

Fantastic way to start my Saturday!! Hilarious :-)

Shannon said...

I love it! And Tiger should get a disease from having too many girlfriends.