Monday, November 9, 2009
Holy Mother of God.
I really never thought this day would come.
We've been locking the bedroom door for 13 years.
THIRTEEN YEARS, people.......Thirteen years that, while rife with interruptions ("Mom? Mommy? Mom? Where are you? Mom? Mom! MOM!!").......have never experienced a security breach. Until Saturday.
This? was a security fail of epic proportions.
Apparently my husband in his - retardation enthusiasm - turned the lock in the door handle but didn't shut it completely so the latch never engaged.
Fast forward to Repertoire Move #4.5, Stage II and cue 9 year old.......in full bust-in mode - no knock, just BAM! -door open -
and the next 20 seconds are a jumble in my mind - I know I yelled "JEEEEZUSSS!!!!!" and flew off the bed knocking my husband backwards with a Neo from The Matrix sideways slo-mo dive only without guns. And naked.
The 9 year old ducks back out trying to process the image that is now seared into her brain for all eternity, while I do the only logical thing, which is to repeatedly punch my husband in the shoulder screaming "ASShole!"
So now the world as we know it has ended, my daughter is struggling with all the possible meanings of what she saw, I'm frantically trying to come up with explanations - We were kissing??? We were wrestling???? Daddy was helping me apply self-tanner???.....
and my husband, because I can always count on him to lead this family in moments of crisis, says,
"So....... can we keep going?"
Posted by HappyHourSue at 1:54 PM