Monday, June 22, 2009

If You Give a Mom a Cookie



If you give a mom a cookie.....

She'll probably ask for a glass of wine to go with it.

Then when her buzz kicks in, she'll probably eat 5 more because screw it - she's already totally blown Day One of her diet and she'll absolutely positively start tomorrow except wait- not tomorrow because tomorrow is Girls Night Out and that means lots and LOTS of wine and a high probability of calamari and mozzarella sticks - but wait - that IS protein after all - maybe even Atkins - except not the breadcrumbs - that's carbs - crap - so maybe that would be 'The Zone' which is how Jennifer Aniston got so skinny or maybe that's cuz she smokes and has a personal trainer but either way it would so suck to lose your husband to Angelina Jolie because she's got huge lips AND is bisexual and who can compete with THAT - and then the whole world feels sorry for you and takes polls on who you should be fixed up with and apparently 43% of Star Magazine readers think you should totally date Taylor Hicks which would be so depressing that you'd be better off staying home, drinking wine in a Snuggie and watching The Ghost Whisperer.....

and chances are, if you're drinking wine alone....

...you'll want a cookie to go with it.


46 comments:

Nic said...

HAHA! Brilliant!!

Jen said...

I'm dying! Hilarious and so true (especially the part about Angie being bi-sexual and not being able to keep up with that.)

Julie said...

Ha Ha :) well done!

The Mom Jen said...

Much better than mine! ;)

Southern Gal said...

This is proof positive that I AM ready to be a mom! I've already got this skill down! I'll have to tell the hubby next time he says I'm not yet responsible enough.

ChocDrop said...

Not sure if I should ask you to pass the wine or cookie first......

Leigh (Modern Mommy) said...

Mwahahaha! I'll be eagerly awaiting the follow-up: "If You Take a Mom to School"in which she drinks wine first and then pulls out the Alpha PTA Mom's extensions.

Karen said...

Classic! Much better than the book! LOL!

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

You are the true master! I love it!!!

Jen said...

yeah, I want a cookie.

Shelley said...

Ok, you're not going to believe this, but about a year and a half ago, I did a post almost like this, but it was called If You Give a Mom a Margarita. I think yours is funnier, though. Here's mine:
http://thehormonezone.blogspot.com/2007/12/if-you-give-mom-margarita.html

Marybeth Poppins said...

I Absolutely LOVE IT!...One of my favorite books....although I do like "If you give a Moose a Muffin" as well!

mistress pink said...

know i want a cookie

SweetPeaSurry said...

Yeah ... so I kind of feel like I should make sure all my blinds are closed when I drink wine and watch Ghost Whisperer. Although, I could do without the cookie, 5 more glasses of wine would do me well. Heh!

blessings!

Marinka said...

Perfect. And OMG, if Angelina stole my husband, I'd have nonstop cookies and wine. Really, Angie, Call him~!

Jillian, Inc said...

Hilarious! And I can so relate. To the cookie and wine part...not Jennifer / or Angelina / or Brad. ha!

Jennifer said...

Very cute!

Miss Yvonne said...

Great, now I'm craving mozzarella sticks.

Lori said...

You ROCK! That was great!

Mad(ish) Woman said...

I could use some cookies!! (a little wine wouldn't hurt either!!)

Daddy Geek Boy said...

This is fantastic.

Lisa-licious said...

Here I am, again, in need of a smile, and you MORE than deliver!
Brilliant! I will now add cookies to the list of "what to pack" for BlogHer.

Searching For Reinforcements said...

cookies and wine sounds great right now, since it's 8:10 a.m. on the first official day of summer break...

Lindy said...

*raises glass of wine* to the run-on sentence!

I think cookies and the snuggie go very well together..it helps keep the crumps off your person.

Ms. Attitude said...

HAHAHA!!!

Elisa said...

That is totally how I think too - you can totally find a diet to match whatever you are eating or craving if you read enough diet books ;-)

Keyona said...

Yes, you are brilliant.

Erin said...

love it!

Dr. Mom said...

That's the funniest thing I have read in a really long time!

Crazy K said...

you completely nailed it, lol.

Although I just eat the cookie dough, I can't even be bothered to bake it.

Anonymous said...

What was or were in the cookies or the wine?

I think you got slipped a Red Bull and the Chocolate chips were actually Caffeine Supplements!

Looks like blog block is blgone

Funny Stuff either way.

BacktoBarnwell said...

You can borrow one of my snuggies. And a cig.

Shannon said...

love it!

Mags said...

So true, so true!!! LOL

Michelle said...

Too funny!

Lipstick said...

Oh dearest Happy Hour Sue...this is why we love you so...and also for posting some hot RPatz pics too.

Marla said...

clever clever!

Life, Love And Lola said...

LMAO! What doesn't go with wine????

Lizzie said...

that was the funniest thing ever! thanks for the laughs :)

the Mayor said...

That's definitely the way it goes with this mom. Does that mean we are too tightly wound in the first place, at the first chance to relax we get led down a rabbit hole?

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

That is my life...how did you get in there?

creative-type dad said...

Yup, those are some huge lips. I bet she can fit a whole lot of cookies in them.

JennyMac said...

haha...love it! and you definitely want a cookie with that wine.

Nanodance said...

Very funny! I just stumbled on your blog. Glad i did!

Wendy said...

let's change that cookie to a brownie and really go nuts!!

such truth here!

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