Wednesday, June 3, 2009

There's a Fine Line Between Shamu-ing and Prostitution







Over Memorial Day weekend, my husband's niece was raving about this book called "What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love & Marriage".

Basically, the author's point is that humans can be "trained" to do certain things and avoid bad behaviors with the same "reward" techniques used at SeaWorld. Devotees of the book call the technique "Shamu-ing".

The f*ck.

So I'm in my lounge chair by the pool, sipping a Captain Morgan & Diet and I notice my husband intently studying his Kindle. 

That mofo downloaded the Shamu book.

Anyway. So it's Memorial Day weekend, and maybe the Captain & Cokes are going down pretty smooth and all my Twilight fanfiction has updated and Saturn is in the third house with Venus rising and Mr. Happy Hour is in for - well, a happy hour.

The next morning, he goes to the grocery store (?), comes back and says, and I quote: "Look! I got you sushi!"

No lie. Sushi. Like I'm a damn sea lion.

THEN he says "Oh- and I got cash- do you need any?"

Fish. And cash. That mofo is Shamu-ing me over last night's sex.

Me: Are you SHAMU-ING me????????

Him: What? No!

Me: How much cash did you get?

Him: 400.

Me: I'll take 3.

45 comments:

sm2 said...

OMG! Thank you for the laughs! I'll have to watch out to make sure my hubby doesn't try the same thing. Although I wouldnt' mind the money.

obladi oblada said...

ROTFL-I wanna be Shamu-ed, if involves hubby handing over money. I think Ill buy the book and leave it "lying around".

roy/elisabeth dean said...

hmmmmmm......
sex= dinner+money?
Holy Crap! I'm been shamu-ing for years!
I've gotta take a shower now.
♥,Lilly

Keyona said...

Girl you better get your money by any means necessary! LOL!

Bren said...

Wow - I had better get my husband the book - what page does it say to freely hand over money???

Bama Girl in AZ said...

SOOOO hilarious!!!!!!! LMAO!

Jen said...

HAHAHA!!! I need to get that book.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

What is WRONG with you?! Why didn't you tell him you needed all $400?!

kmoye said...

OMG I have heard of this book! a lady once said it did wonders with "training" her hubs. but hmm i never thought of it the other way around. you better watch out! or atleast go for a raise, you are an upper class ho so you need mo doh!

debra said...

That was too funny.

Jen said...

hey whatever works.

Swirl Girl said...

Reverse psychology is a bitch.... can you teach an orca new tricks!

colleenadams said...

Shamu'd.

Snort.

Thanks for the laugh.

Patrice said...

lmao that is fantastic!! So funny!

Stereos and Souffles said...

Shamu-wow!

Aleta said...

Well... now.... I'm going to go buy the book. LMAO. Great post!

The New Black said...

That is so funny! Now I have my guard up...no Shamu crap for me! :)

Kiki (G.G.) said...

i just assumed i would be training my hubby for the rest of our days together, if i last that long. i didn't realize there was this "shamu-ing" method and i want a piece of it. i am buying this book. thanks and take care.
-Kiki

Marla said...

splashing away... waiting for my treat!

jenakle said...

Hrmm.
1-Beau randomly does a bunch of chores yesterday, one of my favorite favors...
2-Last week he handed me cash for no reason...
*Thinks back to last fun time*
*slowly does the math*

Damn, I'd be pissed but...is he READING and actual BOOK?!?!
AND I GET A CLEAN HOUSE AND SPENDIES?

*shrug*
Works for me!

Kurt said...

I thought shamu-ing was a kinky sex thing and then I realized no one would want to be the whale in bed. (*insert horrid "harpooning" pun here*)

Gettysburg Mom said...

I don't even want to know what sort of Google traffic you get off a post with Shamu and Prostitution in the title...

Former Fat Chick said...

You silly ORCA...I always get my money and dinner BEFORE I give ANY sex...well DUH...sny I mske him tske me to bsr w/ my girlfriends and watch us dance...I'm the best HO eva!!

Southern Gal said...

OMG - that is hilar!

Kirsten said...

That's a good Shamu!!!!

Needs Help said...

hahaha, i haven't heard of this book but hilarious!!

Amy said...

I love it and am so getting this book!

Ali said...

Last night I fixed my hubby an iced coffee AND gave him a foot rub--he kept asking me, "what's the catch?" Hee!

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha!!

Now I'm curious about that book. I've never heard of it before.

Leslie said...

my husband has no idea why I break into fits of laughter while at the computer. (Specifically while visiting your blog.) And well, I was thinking... maybe he needs some shamu-ing. Only, that might take effort on my part. And yeah, well, no. Thanks. But you are the funniest. blogger. ever. Dooce? Who the hell is she? You rock.

Jenni Jiggety said...

You should have taken all 400!

I wonder is Shamu-ing would work on my husband???

Puttin' On The GRITS said...

OMG. I'm dying.

Momma Chae said...

LOL I love this post. "The MOFO.." hee hee

Deb said...

Amazing how they respond, isn't it?

What did you do with the money? :)

Sarah said...

I about spit my coffee out..I love you!!!!!!!
And thanks for the info..I will have to watch for this kind of shamu-ing. ;)

Lindy said...

Is $400 the recommended amount in the book?

I'm all about that.

Bad Christy said...

What?! Your husband went to the grocery store?! How the F did you get him to do that? And exactly how do I 'Shamu' mine into going to the store, or fixing the toilet?

Jarrard said...

Since I had forgotten the name of the new reading device this statement made me laugh out loud - "I notice my husband intently studying his Kindle."

Michelle said...

How funny! I haven't heard of this book before.

Anonymous said...

The guy gets sniped and he still has to Shamu you?

You have got it made!

Now if he would just bring chocolate instead of fish.... I am sure he can be trained.

BOSSY said...

So funny! By the way, Bossy will take the other $100.

Laural Out Loud said...

I would totally give my husband more sex if I got sushi and money afterwards. Now I just need to figure out how to make is seem like it's all HIS idea.

Brittany said...

Ok that was hilarious, although shamu-ing sounds like a sex postion. Like maybe diving off a high place, like a dresser, and landing on him while he tosses sushi in your mouth?

Life, Love And Lola said...

LMAO!!! I actually have this book...Haven't read it yet...Might explain why I left my husband...Maybe he should have read it!

M said...

Oh I am SO finding me a man who is willing to do this!!

Shoot, let him read that stuff all he wants. Sushi and cash? I'd give it up for that!