If you give a mom a cookie.....
She'll probably ask for a glass of wine to go with it.
Then when her buzz kicks in, she'll probably eat 5 more because screw it - she's already totally blown Day One of her diet and she'll absolutely positively start tomorrow except wait- not tomorrow because tomorrow is Girls Night Out and that means lots and LOTS of wine and a high probability of calamari and mozzarella sticks - but wait - that IS protein after all - maybe even Atkins - except not the breadcrumbs - that's carbs - crap - so maybe that would be 'The Zone' which is how Jennifer Aniston got so skinny or maybe that's cuz she smokes and has a personal trainer but either way it would so suck to lose your husband to Angelina Jolie because she's got huge lips AND is bisexual and who can compete with THAT - and then the whole world feels sorry for you and takes polls on who you should be fixed up with and apparently 43% of Star Magazine readers think you should totally date Taylor Hicks which would be so depressing that you'd be better off staying home, drinking wine in a Snuggie and watching The Ghost Whisperer.....
and chances are, if you're drinking wine alone....
...you'll want a cookie to go with it.
44 comments:
HAHA! Brilliant!!
I'm dying! Hilarious and so true (especially the part about Angie being bi-sexual and not being able to keep up with that.)
Ha Ha :) well done!
Much better than mine! ;)
This is proof positive that I AM ready to be a mom! I've already got this skill down! I'll have to tell the hubby next time he says I'm not yet responsible enough.
Not sure if I should ask you to pass the wine or cookie first......
Mwahahaha! I'll be eagerly awaiting the follow-up: "If You Take a Mom to School"in which she drinks wine first and then pulls out the Alpha PTA Mom's extensions.
Classic! Much better than the book! LOL!
You are the true master! I love it!!!
yeah, I want a cookie.
Ok, you're not going to believe this, but about a year and a half ago, I did a post almost like this, but it was called If You Give a Mom a Margarita. I think yours is funnier, though. Here's mine:
http://thehormonezone.blogspot.com/2007/12/if-you-give-mom-margarita.html
I Absolutely LOVE IT!...One of my favorite books....although I do like "If you give a Moose a Muffin" as well!
know i want a cookie
Yeah ... so I kind of feel like I should make sure all my blinds are closed when I drink wine and watch Ghost Whisperer. Although, I could do without the cookie, 5 more glasses of wine would do me well. Heh!
blessings!
Perfect. And OMG, if Angelina stole my husband, I'd have nonstop cookies and wine. Really, Angie, Call him~!
Hilarious! And I can so relate. To the cookie and wine part...not Jennifer / or Angelina / or Brad. ha!
Very cute!
Great, now I'm craving mozzarella sticks.
You ROCK! That was great!
I could use some cookies!! (a little wine wouldn't hurt either!!)
This is fantastic.
Here I am, again, in need of a smile, and you MORE than deliver!
Brilliant! I will now add cookies to the list of "what to pack" for BlogHer.
cookies and wine sounds great right now, since it's 8:10 a.m. on the first official day of summer break...
*raises glass of wine* to the run-on sentence!
I think cookies and the snuggie go very well together..it helps keep the crumps off your person.
HAHAHA!!!
That is totally how I think too - you can totally find a diet to match whatever you are eating or craving if you read enough diet books ;-)
Yes, you are brilliant.
love it!
That's the funniest thing I have read in a really long time!
you completely nailed it, lol.
Although I just eat the cookie dough, I can't even be bothered to bake it.
What was or were in the cookies or the wine?
I think you got slipped a Red Bull and the Chocolate chips were actually Caffeine Supplements!
Looks like blog block is blgone
Funny Stuff either way.
You can borrow one of my snuggies. And a cig.
love it!
So true, so true!!! LOL
Oh dearest Happy Hour Sue...this is why we love you so...and also for posting some hot RPatz pics too.
clever clever!
LMAO! What doesn't go with wine????
that was the funniest thing ever! thanks for the laughs :)
That's definitely the way it goes with this mom. Does that mean we are too tightly wound in the first place, at the first chance to relax we get led down a rabbit hole?
That is my life...how did you get in there?
Yup, those are some huge lips. I bet she can fit a whole lot of cookies in them.
haha...love it! and you definitely want a cookie with that wine.
Very funny! I just stumbled on your blog. Glad i did!
let's change that cookie to a brownie and really go nuts!!
such truth here!
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