Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I Think My Personal Trainer Is Broken

OK. A few weeks ago I said to myself, "Self? It's time to lose the baby weight." and my self said, "You mean since the baby's in second grade?" and I said "Yes."

So I narrowed it down to three options.

#1 Wii Fit.







#2 Ab Roller.








 #3 Darrell





















Hold your comments.

So he tells me I need to come in first for an "FMS" and I say 'What is that: Fat Mom Situation?' and he says, No, Functional Movement Screen.

So I go in and he says, "Yeah, I've seen you in better shape."

And I think briefly of saying that FMS could also mean Foot Meets Scrotum but decide against it.

But I persevere because I am awesome and a trooper. At the second session he says, "Lie on your belly" and I say "My stomach?" and he says "That's not a stomach yet."

Dude. Could a girl get some euphemisms up in here? : "We're gonna do some fine tuning"...."We're gonna take your fitness to the next level"......??????

I'm thinking a little less marine boot camp, a little more...


54 comments:

Mom Can I? said...

oh thank you for my morning haha. Since I just had baby number 4 (albeit early) the thought of getting back in a shape other than round is killing me.

Elisa said...

I don't know if he's broken yet, but I think someone might break him if he keeps going like that.

"That's not a stomach yet"?? I'm thinking the FMS impulse you had will come back a few times, and maybe you should let him know about it. You know, just sort of a haha, just kidding, but pace yourself, buddy.

kmoye said...

the Wii isn't much nicer, you know. Like the way it plumps you out if you put on a pound or ten. And it so asks "where have you been?" even if you have only missed a month or two. I mean WTH, get off my back Wii.

Anonymous said...

Loved the wii... and just when I started getting bored with it (last week... after 140 straight days of using it), EA Sports came out with their game for the wii fit board... LOVE it so far, after 2 workouts, and it DOESN'T tell me I'm fat- heck, I'm even on the honor system with it for what I weigh.

mama_ritza said...

Oh that's great! You're hilarious.

Marybeth said...

IDK the Wii Fit can be nice...ya know in the way that is SUPER cheery like says "You're Obese!" I mean who gets excited about that? Apparently Wii Fit does!!!

Lindy said...

This is hilarious.

I think he may be getting even by taking your fitness to the next level because you snapped a picture of him.

Our Wii Fit got chucked out the window when it groaned when I stood on it.

Cathie said...

I would have done Foot meets Scrotum after his stomach comment. He needs to be preggo, not have alcohol for 9 months and push out a baby and then tend to crying baby all the freaking time.

That is me though. You show such restraint!

Ali said...

Boo Darrell. I pick the ab roller.

MrsSki said...

Haha! My wii fit grunts when I step on it...that's encouraging! LOL!

I joined a gym in college and while I wasn't even close to being as big as I am now I was insecure about my body. Lo and behold the guy weighing me and doing my percentages was absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Thanks for that gym! Not only do I feel bad about my weight, now the hot guy knows exactly how much I weigh and what percentage of fat my body is. FANtastic.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Work it, girl!

Squeeze those cheeks!

Feel the buuuuuuuurn....

Casey said...

Glad to know that someone else is working on losing their baby weight 8 years later!

I've got the Wii Fit and I love it. It's a little more like Richard Simmons than your trainer seems to be.

mrssoup said...

You can doooo eeeet!!! :D

Terri said...

I can't comment. If I stick to Atkins ALL week, I get to have 1/4 cup of Key Lime Pie Icecream. It's in my freezer RIGHT now calling my name. That means nothing but meat and eggs and cheese ALL week so I can have 3 spoonfuls of pure heavenly delight.

I think being fat may be worth it if I can eat ice cream.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

I need a Darrel to kick my butt into shape! Good on ya for putting up with him and sticking with it!

Christina said...

I've been considering a Wii Fit. Even if it does talk smack sometimes... at least I always have the "Mute" button.

Miss Yvonne said...

Weirdly enough, I posted about Richard the other day too. He's like the Where's Waldo of Blogging.

Frau said...

I'm still trying to lose the baby weight too, she is in HS now damn I need Darrell too.

ciara said...

lmfao over here. too funny. sometimes they gotta be brutal cos then you're like i'm gonna show you belly mister. but then i think i would go for foot in scrotum thing myself. i have the wii fit, it's o.k.. just got the ea active. love it so far and least the trainer's encouraging lol

Marinka said...

Wii Fit never says things like that. I think.

Jen said...

I can also verify that the Wii fit trainer is not going to talk to you like that, but sometimes tough love is what works. I say keep the jackass trainer. And he does sound like a jackass.

Dejoni said...

Do you think your trainer could get a fro and some of those gay short shorts?? That would be special!

Jillian said...

Freaking harsh! What did you do to pee on his cheerios?

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

ROFL! I would have had to stick with something that didn't talk back!

Mrs. S. said...

That is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

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Lisa-licious said...

You got a trainer?! Now I am "scerred"...I need to really buckle down for BlogHer...except I am not allowed to do anything for another week...have cut out the two venti Starbucks per day, cut out the 600 calorie Jamba Juice per day, and limited the number of bowls of midnight Captain Crunch. Good for you, HHS...you are on your way!

Kelly said...

Too funny....I think trainers are supposed to be a bit more like Richard in the honeymoon phase....Tell Darrell to take a laxative or something!!

McMommy said...

Darrell scares me.

(I'm going to hide behind my Oreos before he kicks my ass.)

Jen said...

trainers scare me. that is why I don't go to the gym.

Julie said...

I hope Darrell does not read this! My trainer is not very nice. According to him "it was sweet things that got your ass into this mess". Ouch. Of course it pisses me off that he is right.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

You're not supposed to like your trainer. You're supposed to silently curse them under your breath as they torture you.

Julie said...

I like the wii fit. If I don't like what it's saying, I can just pull it's plug.
I've been meaning to ask you, what's a beta mom? I'm not fully awake yet so I can't stop myself from asking stupid questions.

HappyHourSue said...

Julie: a beta mom is the rung below alpha mom. You know, the ones who can't get our shit together.

Julie said...

Ah, I'm definitely one of those. I lost my shit a long time ago.

Patrice said...

LOL oh wow that is harsh... I'm not sure I would respond well to that, but I guess you can't argue with that! I love the Wii Fit... I don't use it enough at all, though! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

'Slacker Moms' urge other mothers to chill

And now an anti-Alpha movement is taking hold. Those moms have it together sometimes. They may forget to send back permission slips or lose track of their turn for team snacks. They don't necessarily have the catchy name, though some call themselves Beta Moms or even Slacker Moms as they urge their peers to chill.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-05-08-alpha-beta-moms_N.htm

The picture next to the article kept me interested....ties back to the personal trainer.

WhisperingWriter said...

LOL

I have a WiiFit and it's just as mean as Darrell.

Mommy (That's my name, don't wear it out.) said...

I concur with Whispering Writer!! My Wii Fit is MEAN!! My daughter wanted to know why she and Daddy were skinny and Mommy's Mii looked "chunky". CHUNKY! She used that word. I should ship her off with Darrell. Darrell sounds like a peach.

Merrie said...

I like my Wii Fit. It's always happy to see me and is very encouraging. It's my new best friend. That's healthy, right?

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Yeah..You are special! Now, let Darrell turn your belly into a stomach again!!!

Like I should talk...I could not even pass the FMS...

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Wait-and this is the guy who also made the comment about your roots?! Oh, no, girl, you SO need to pull a Donald Trump and let him know- YOU'RE FIRED!

Sascha said...

i actually really like billy blanks dvds (somewhat intense, I know!) he gives me a great workout, and i love to workout in the privacy of my own home. If the Wii doesn't work for you either, i read about some other cool websites for weight-loss:

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Weight-Loss-on-the-Web.html

good luck!

the Mayor said...

My wii fit has a mean streak, or it's bipolar, I'm not sure yet. The problem with losing the baby weight is it finds it's way back minus the baby.

BacktoBarnwell said...

In an effort to get back into shape since ditching the Body Pump, Body Step and Body Jam classes in February, I decided to run around the neighborhood, once. It took me five minutes to do so and 30 minutes of lying on the couch with Bold and the Beautiful to recover. Go me.

P.S. Wii Fit really pissed me off, so I put it under the bed where it belongs. Mario Kart is enough exercise for me, says my body, and the body knows what it needs, right?

BacktoBarnwell said...

In an effort to get back into shape since ditching the Body Pump, Body Step and Body Jam classes in February, I decided to run around the neighborhood, once. It took me five minutes to do so and 30 minutes of lying on the couch with Bold and the Beautiful to recover. Go me.

P.S. Wii Fit really pissed me off, so I put it under the bed where it belongs. Mario Kart is enough exercise for me, says my body, and the body knows what it needs, right?

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