For all of you all NOT following me on Twitter...here's the Cliff Notes from the past 2 months. So you don't have to join Twitter, and I get a blog post. Everybody wins. :)
11 y.o: "What would you do if I shot this Nerf gun at you?" Me: "Say 'ow'." Her: (shoots) Me: "OW!!!!"
11:25 AM May 21st from twhirl
Um, what? Just got a notice that my Twilight blog is #50 for anime content.
3:07 PM May 21st from twhirl
Sweet. Google Reader just recommended my other blog to me.
3:41 PM May 20th from twhirl
Vacuuming your ants may not be as permanent a solution, but definitely more fun.
3:07 PM May 19th from twhirl
No, I am NOT picturing Joe Jonas handcuffed to the wall as my slave. Jeez. http://twitpic.com/59bpj
8:48 PM May 15th from twhirl
On laptop at daughter's dance school. Tried to open Twilight fanfiction. DE-NIED. Their internet has morals.
6:27 PM May 14th from twhirl
Going to watch last week's 'Lost'. Have special brain-focusing helmet on.
8:01 PM May 12th from twhirl
8 year old describing black actor on TV: "He was a brother."
11:25 AM May 7th from twhirl
Anybody else crushing on Steve Ward from Tough Love? I just want to strap him in my car and take him on errands.
11:02 AM May 5th from twhirl
2 kids home sick. Freedom fail.
9:13 AM May 4th from twhirl
Attention Alpha parents: If I gave a crap about your kid's homeruns/goals/MVP status I promise you i would have asked.
7:35 PM May 3rd from twhirl
If you just passed someone car-dancing like a mental patient, it was me. "The Bird" by Morris Day & The Time. Sorry.
10:12 AM May 1st from twhirl
OMG welcome new twitterer @mrsweid who is apparently only following me, Tony Robbins and Zappos shoes.
8:40 AM May 1st from twhirl
8 y.o. just felt so bad for me having to clean up dog puke that she made me a painting.
8:00 PM April 30th from twhirl
Aw, the Craigslist killer wedding is off? It was the panties collection, wasn't it.
4:47 PM April 30th from twhirl
No, Swine Flu, we will not start calling you 'H1N1'. Who do you think you are: Diddy?
8:09 PM April 28th from twhirl
No lie: Twitter just notified me that SexyBigDickLeo is following me. Not sure whether to follow back or call 911.
3:40 PM April 20th from twhirl
Fox News: Woman stabs boyfriend over Pop Tart. Yikes. Hoping toaster pastry crime doesn't make it here to the suburbs.
3:17 PM April 17th from twhirl
My dog is trying to bury his bone in a beanbag chair. Cancel that appointment with the State Police Canine Unit.
9:05 AM April 15th from twhirl
Why does Facebook feel like one giant baseball card collection.
9:04 AM March 30th from twhirl
Why I love Fox news: 'Man sentenced to jail for having sex with car wash vacuum'.
3:41 PM March 26th from twhirl
Anxiety is obviously hereditary. 8 year old is practicing her 'Stop-Drop-and-Roll'.
5:50 PM March 25th from twhirl
I'm pretty sure there's heroin in Tostidos cheese dip.
12:17 PM March 25th from twhirl
On husbands post-colonoscopy instrux: #1 Don't drive #2 Don't operate machinery #3 Don't make any big decisions.
9:43 PM March 20th from twhirl
8 year old told her school friends I said Chris Brown "is a douchebag". Don't know why the playdate offers aren't rolling in.
11:56 AM March 20th from twhirl
Told my hubs i bought him a GQ magazine. Then he sees Robert pattinson on the cover and goes "Thanks f%$kface."
3:38 PM March 19th from twhirl
How the hell tall is David Gregory??? He makes Al Roker look like an ewok.
8:15 AM March 18th from twhirl
The gym is closed on St. Patricks Day, right? (say 'right')
9:11 AM March 17th from twhirl
Gosh my body is craving antioxidants and reservatrol...oh look- red wine.
5:50 PM March 16th from twhirl
Me at daughter's dance class tonite: "Shoot! I forgot i owe them money." 8 year old: "let's make a run for it."
7:43 PM March 12th from twhirl
Bristol Palin and her babydaddy broke up. I did not see that one coming.
6:50 PM March 11th from twhirl
Does it make me officially old that I traded in my Blackberry Storm for my old flip-phone? Get off my lawn.
3:36 PM March 10th from twhirl
Chuck Norris is the real father of octomom's babies. he's all: 'BLAM! Impregnated. Times eight." (#ChuckNorrisBirthday)
2:11 PM March 10th from twhirl
Got to sleep in with sick child home today. Decided 9:30 is my natural wake-up time. Can we all work around that?
11:39 AM March 10th from twhirl
My butt just hung up on you.
11:07 AM March 6th from twhirl
If the gym doesn't start making a bigger deal about me showing up, I'm going to stop going.
1:30 PM March 5th from twhirl
I'm thinking the "Beneful" dudes? With the dogs? need to get on Match.com.
9:15 AM March 5th from twhirl
8 year old: "I thought FedEx was a fart company." 11 year old : "that's Gas-X."
8:38 PM March 3rd from twhirl
Follow me - or you won't know what I'm doing.