No blogging, Twitter, Facebook, email, Gmail, YouTube, Google, smutty Twilight fanfic, or Fox News.
Sorry I didn't schedule posts ahead of time or line up an awesome guest-poster but...well, I'm just not that organized.
So you'll be super-impressed that I flew from Philly to Arizona and back without a single panic attack due to my superior self-medicating skillz:
I honestly don't remember going through security because my drug and alcohol regime begins on the drive to the airport, but my husband tells me I got singled out and patted down.
Hmmmm. Wonder if my "Terrorist Do's and Don'ts " post put me on some sort of watch list. Which would be excellent, as we know, in keeping with my plan to get Michelle Obama to read my blog.
Anyhoo, the whole sedated-like-I've-been-shot-with-an-elephant-tranquilizer thing is really working for me....with one tiny possible problem.
If we crashed but survived?.... like the Hudson plane? I might not be totally on top of the situation.
Stewardess: MA'AM! We have to evacuate NOW!
Me: THAT was a rough landing.
Stewardess: MA'AM! This is an emergency evacuation! You have to get out of the plane!
Me: I ordered a screwdriver like 20 minutes ago. And peanuts.
Stewardess: MA'AM you have to get out now!
Me: Hold up...My flip-flops are waaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy under this dude's seat.
Miracle Plane Crash: 147 Survivors, 1 Missing
40 comments:
Man, you aren't kidding that you're a nervous flier. As for me, I'm booking my July flight to BlogHer soon and I'm already starting to sweat. I've taken down your recipe for a smooth flight. I'll be conscious when I land, right? Right?
Looks like you didn't need an airplane to get there after all...flying all on your own!
WB and congrats on not going to the airport jail for being overly medicated. Sometimes they won't let you on the plane if you're too loopy! Glad you had a safe trip and didn't end up missing!
you are hilarious
lol
I wanna sit by YOU on a plane, but NOOOOOOO- I get seated next to the hairy smelly guy who never shuts the hell up.
flying doesn't make me that nervous unless there's major turbulence. actually heading out tomorrow for seattle. glad you made it back and you had your 'medications' :)
Thank God your home my twilight addiction has been suffering.
oh and also i really like this blog too.
OMG that is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't even read it to my husband because I was laughing so hard, he says I'm a sick individual...
Wow - that's quite a stash you got there! I didn't know there were approved containers for vodka! I need to get some of those!
glad you are back safe and sound.
Excuse me, but who the hell are all you people who are NOT afraid to fly? Where do you come from? How can you possibly not be afraid to fly? Stuck in a tuna can at 38,000 feet with someone ELSE in control? Badness, ladies. That is badness. But more importantly, Miss Happy Hour, please speak to me of the lovely vodka containers. If there is some way for Mommy to have her special juice when we fly, Mommy needs to know.
Welcome back!! Gosh, I would so love to fly with you!!
I have only flown once in the last 10 years.. I have HUGE FEAR! Xnanx helped me too but next time I might have to add the vodka!
After enlarging that photo, I'm calling CVS and having your refills delivered to my house.
THanks for the meds.
BWAHAHA! I hope I'm drunk if the plane goes down so I don't get hysterical or shit myself. I much rather be drunk and missing than be the one passenger pulled out of the wreckage with a huge brown stain on my cute capri's.
I'm calling my doctor for some xanax right now as I'm leaving thursday for Austin. I'm impressed at you pre-flight check list HH Sue.
i work at CVS and man am i excited you shop there. ( im a workaholic and therefore constantly in tune with CVS. yikes.)
also. i love your recipe! might have to try it next time...
The last time I flew it was from Phoenix to NY and back. I found that a Xanax/White Russian combo worked well for me. Flying scares the bejeebers out of me. Airport White Russians are like $8 each, but I did not care.
Ok, I have to ask...you were in Arizona? What did you do? Why didn't you stop by my house and say hi? :) Ok, just kidding there, but I always wonder why people come here for vacation, unless they have relatives or something. San Diego has this really beautiful beach...all we have is dirt, rocks and cacti. Did you go to the Grand Canyon? That's kind of cool.
Let's face it, boo, you just wanted to be frisked.
I like the "FAA" approved Vodka containers..that is classy and a necessity!!! And, hey whatever makes you feel on vacation...who are we to judge? LOL =)
Welcome home!
Hey...I am flying alone next week. Got any spare valium you could send my way? Kthxbai.
That's quite a cocktail!
I hate flying too. Wish I'd thought of that.
omg, how did you get OFF the plane when it landed LOL!!!
you're so hysterical, i thot I was afraid of flying! ;D
Glad you're back!!!
Totally missed reading your blog. You MUST find your way to a computer next time!!!!!!!!
Maybe plane crashes are like car crashes...the drunk always lives. Are you gonna need me to pick you up at the airport in Chicago with a wheelbarrow?
How, how, HOW did you find a Dr. to give you BOTH Valium and Xanax? That's amazing.
That is hilarious and I am happy you didn't get arrested at the airport. Apparently the FAA has some issue with people flying drunk, so I heard from a friend who was escorted out of an airport bar and then missed his flight. I also just read your plan for Mrs. O to read your blog and I think it is a sure thing.
smutty fanfic? Get yourself to twilighted.net. LOTS of naughty naughty Edward there.
Holy crap, that's hilarious!
Your flying recipe is hilarious! Glad you made it ok. And a week without internet. Amazing!
Did they know it was vodka? Cuz if they don't I'm totally getting some certified FFA vodka containment units when we go to Iceland next year. I'm thinking that and some Excederin PM would make me just tired enough to sleep through the whole flight-but might wake up in time to jump in the river if I need to.
Welcome home!
Is the disguised vodka legal? Or did they not put two and two together with the olives and the blender? They probably didn't even see the blender, silly TSA people.
btw, totally voting for you on blogger's choice awards...
Kathy: You'll be conscious, but you won't remember one item you read in the $20 of trashy celebrity mags you bought.
Bren & Denise& Tamilyn: the FAA approved containers are for any liquids - I just happen to use them all for alcohol. God forbid the flight is too bumpy to serve cocktails- just when you need em most.
Terri: Don't you love the part on the phone where you tell it your (my) prescription number then it goes 'wockawockawockawockawocka'
Shelly: We were at the Arizona Grand: awesome resort with a water park in it. beats Philly any day.
Anna banana: Silly. Valium is for general stress and Xanax is for panic attacks. Alcohol is good for both.
Nanny Goats: What are the bloggers choice awards?
Hey, that's how I travel!
I watched "Twilight" on my laptop on the way home from Florida Saturday night. My husband insisted on driving straight through. I couldn't hear a word of it, but who cares? I could look.
Why didn't I think of getting smashed and passing out on that trip through hell?
OMG I'm absolutely LOVING the vodka in approved containers. LMAO. Only you could think of something so damn clever.
YOU ARE ALIVE!!!!!!!!! It's an Easter miracle!!!!
You have no idea how much you were missed. It's no fun drunk twittering without you.
Came across your blog - and you are cracking my a$$ up. thanks for the laughs.
I heart Jack Johnson :)
Good lord. One plane trip and we end up in drug rehab. Yikes. If there was a crash, at least you'd die relaxed, RIGHT?
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