Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Guy Movie


You know the drill. 

Man and woman go to Blockbuster to pick a movie to watch together. Man picks Guy Movie, woman picks Chick Flick. Flip a coin to see whose movie goes first.

Really Blockbuster should just do away with the current genre set-up in the store and just have 2 sections:

"Guy Movies" and "Chick Flicks".

The Guy Movie usually has a black and red cover.

The title tends to feature the word "Heat"... "Night" ...or "Vengeance".
Most feature Denzel Washington and/or Tommy Lee Jones.

Something is always being stolen/ blown up/ robbed/ hijacked or smuggled.
Someone is always getting shot/ stabbed/ kidnapped or tortured.
This is being accomplished with guns/ knives, tasers and/or explosives.

There are lots of cars/ trains/ freighters/ helicopters and fighter jets.

The hero is a cop/ex-cop/marine/ex-marine/bounty hunter/ex-bounty hunter/CIA/ex-CIA/FBI/ex-FBI/ detective/ex-detective.

More often than not he's a "renegade".
Quite often he prefers 'his own brand of justice".
 
The bad guys are foreign, or, if not foreign, ugly.

The hero is married to/divorced from/interested in a "good woman".

I can guarantee you this 'good woman' just wants to watch "Love, Actually" with a glass of chardonnay.


60 comments:

Starnes Family said...

There are few better movies than Love Actually.

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Cheryl said...

I haven't seen that movie but it's on my rainy night list!!

Tommy Lee Jones...could there be a more wrinkly bad guy out there? :)

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Too true--I never saw Love Actually. Might need to add to the Netflix que which btw is loaded with mostly Guy Movies :(

I am Boymom said...

Ummm, were you at my house this weekend? If it isn't a Manvie for the husband, it's a Star Wars movie for the boys! I haven't watched a chick flick in FOREVER!

ali said...

I think you just wrote a guy movie! Or the synopsis anyway:)

Keely said...

It's a good thing I don't really like chick flicks, because now I'm totally surrounded by testosterone.

I'm with ya on the chardonnay though ;)

mommaof4wife2r said...

i like it...and i think you just might be right!

BacktoBarnwell said...

Hahahaha...That is true, true, true, true, true! Although I love a good action/spy film, I'm always down for a good chick flick, embarrassingly said. Love Actually was one of my favorites, but probably because I have this obsession with accents, and trying to imitate them.

Big fan of Lifetime movies too, because as Hannah says, they are easy to watch, and require no thought. But not at night though...I get scared easily out here in the middle of nowhere, so Disney Channel is my pick for sleep time, b/c who can kill you while watching The Suite Life of Zach and Cody???

Tara said...

Yeah, and you forgot to mention the stupid sports ones where some coach saves the day or helps some kid from the "wrong side of the tracks". How many of those are out there now? TOO MANY!!

Candice said...

Boobs.. You forgot boobs. There are always a hefty set of mammaries at one point or another in the guy flicks.

ciara said...

Love Actually is one of my favorites...it has my star crush Colin Firth (see him in pride & prejudice btw?) in it (though i'm rethinking this a bit since he said something about little kids basically being a pain in the ass but in a more intelligent sounding sort of way lol). Colin to me is like Joe to you. oh, yes. i even had a dream the other night with him in it. colin, not joe, that is.

as far as 'guy movies' go...they have to watch those kinds of movies because they don't require more than two neurons to charge together. my husband and his son LOVE those kinds of movies, whereas, i love chick flicks, foreign films, indie films, and heavy duty films that require thought. if movies require 'thought' those two don't 'get it'. i wonder if a lot of men are like that lol

i watched across the universe cpl of weeks ago, and my husband looked like he didn't know what the hell to make of it. LOL he did enjoy the beatles music though.

Terri said...

I LOVE "Love Actually"
Yes, I usually cry. At the end. When strangers are meeting at the airport.
Yes, I am a freak.

Aleta said...

Lol. Greg and I were just talking about movies. He wanted to see an action and I wanted to see a chick flic.

Petra said...

haha, this is SO true. But you forgot that there are also usually big breasted women in tight, unrealistic police or army uniforms in the guy movies as well!

Linda S said...

actually Merlot, but I see where you're going with this one...

oº˚ Queen Bee ˚ºo said...

Thanks for coming by today. Haven't seen that movie!

Southern Gal said...

Last night I made the hubby watch The Holiday with me, & at the end I said, "That was good, but not as good as Love, Actually!"

georgie said...

OMGosh i so want to DO Gerard Butler
swoon good gawd

Swirl Girl said...

My Hubby loves Love Actually. He even admits it in public.

I loathe gore and superfluous violence - that is to say , violence for the sake of violence and not integral to a plot.

I do love Godfather movies and most thought provoking 'guy flicks' and Hubby goes for the romantic comedy and 'coming of age' films too.

Myabe he thinks he's gonna 'get some' if he watches with me....just saying....

Lauren said...

Just another good reason for me to be happy I am single. HAHA!

Elisa said...

LOL
so true! I'm so sick of action movies. Give me anything with Colin Firth :-)

Rachel said...

You are dead on...hit it right on the nail...you always do in your posts!!!

Lynette said...

You could have gotten 300 and PS I love you. It would have been like two sides of Gerard Butler

Posey said...

"Love Actually" is one of my favorite movies.

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

Love Actually is one of my favorite movies!! Love everything about it... Colin Firth's storyline is my fave!!!

Shannon said...

Amen, sista! AMEN! Just last night my hubby thought hw would actually get me to watch "3000 BC." Uh, let me see... hell-to-tha-NO!

ciara said...

this should give you hope :)

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/jonas-brothers-believe-they-will-marry-their-biggest-fan

Shelley said...

"i love chick flicks, foreign films, indie films, and heavy duty films that require thought. if movies require 'thought' those two don't 'get it'. i wonder if a lot of men are like that lol"

Oh, amen, sister. I love well-written, well-acted drama. Make and laugh and cry and feel like I've been through the emotional trainwreck. LOVE. And yes, if it requires that two brain cells be rubbed together, my husband totally doesn't get it. He didn't even like Sideways! No action... sigh. I hate "action" movies. The last one I was forced to sit through was 'Shooter', which I think has every single characteristic that Sue mentioned. Even Mark Walhberg didn't make that one palatable.

Amy said...

Amen sister! My and my guy go round and round with this all the time :D

Jen said...

Hahaha! True that.

McMommy said...

I absolutely HATE all guy movies with two exceptions:

Fight Club and Bourne Identity

Those movies make me all sorts of giddy with excitement inside!!! What? Brad Pitt and Matt Damon star in those movies? I hadn't noticed...

jill jill bo bill said...

How many times can a man watch Transformers anyway? WTF?

Heinous said...

When does your guy movie hit DVD? I'll rent it.

Lipstick said...

LMAO! Another great one Happy Hour Sue! I do love any of those movies if they have Sly Stallone in them though.

JenniBeanV said...

I have to admit...I am more of a "guy movie" kind of girl. I like to see something blow up. What can I say?

Amy said...

My dh knows them as "Movies I will love" and "Movies that will get me some lovin.'" Toss in a reward and you'll get to watch more chick flicks!

Just Stephanie said...

Love Actually...great movie...told my mom it was my fav and then watched it with her. I totally forgot about the sex body doubles...oops!

My husband just went to a NFL game on Sunday (gone from 11-8pm) and then came home to watch it again on TiVo...grrrr!!! Talk to me about male/female viewing preferences. Oh, I could go on for days!

Lisa-licious said...

We call them "chick flicks" and "d*ck flicks". 'Nuf said.

Caroline said...

I watched 300 for about 300 milliseconds...it was all swords and blood...so boring. Oh yeah...car chase scenes...what is with that? Why on earth is that interesting? I just don't get it!

Former Fat Chick said...

I live with 4 hairy men, and I swear to GOD if I have to watch 300, Braveheart. Gladiator or ANY of those DAMN Matrix movies ONE MORE TIME, I will be on the 6 o'clock news jumping off a bridge!

Jennifer said...

SO true!

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

See!? That's why we have Netflix-one for him and one for me. I'm SOOOOO not into documentaries about WW II...

Aubrey said...

I big puffy heart Love Actually. I also like the typical "guy movie". Who doesn't love Denzel or Matt!?

Jen said...

Love Actually is a perfect chick flick. Don't tell anyone, but my husband LOVES it too. We watch it every Christmas while rapping presents. It is our little holiday tradition.

Your guy movie description cracked me up!

leigh said...

maybe i'm a heretic, but i've never see love actually, and i have no desire! something must be wrong with me.

the last movie i saw was "the rocker" and i loved it!

Threeboys1mommy said...

.... And he's got a BIG KNOB! Love that movie! Huge crush on Mr. Bean (did I just say that out loud?). Love Actually is definitely in the Christmas movie rotation.

The Nice One said...

Aww, Love Actually. What a good flick.

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Allison said...

YES! The bad guy is always that albino guy with huge bug eyes.

jaime said...

i think i am in the minority when i say I LOVE GUY MOVIES. i don't like chick flicks and have actually gotten attitude from hubby when i told him to stop renting the girlie movies! Bring on the blood and gore and guns and explosives and hottie men w/ ripped arms trying to kill each other- i'm down! lol

Keeper Of All Things said...

You forgot in the Guy Movie there is always a girl that starts out nicely dressed ,but end up with her shirt being blown half off, and her ripping the end of her skirt of to make it short short!!! aways under the guise of being able to travel faster!!

Keeper Of All Things said...

Dang girl, your getting alot of comments!!!!
50
I just made it 52

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

We are so old and boring we don't even rent movies any more.

My husband just waits until I fall asleep on the couch so he can watch the Military Channel and the History Channel.

It's always a party at our house on Friday night!

scarletvirago said...

Have you actually seen 300? Because Gerard Butler's naked ass in wide screen qualifies it as a chick flick.

yeahexceptfornot said...

That is so funny that you just posted this blog, because I just got back from blockbuster...The husband is sick so I went to pick him out a movie. I basically wandered around and picked up every movie that looked absolutely terrible to me!

MammaDawg said...

lol - so dang true! But dang - something must be wrong with me coz I haven't seen "Love Actually" yet?

What?!

I know, I know - gotta pick up a copy soon!

Michael Medina said...

Found your blog off your twitter profile. Too funny!

Kelli @ "Writing" the Waves said...

Love the men and women signs...haha

I love a good chick flick. My husband USED to watch them with me when we were dating...

Now?

Not so much.

Mamasphere said...

This is exactly why my husband and I don't bother going ot movies anymore. Why pay for one of us to be tortured? We also have our own schedule for watching our Netflix movies. I don't think we've sat down to watch something together for ages! Oh, except for when he sneaks peaks when I'm watching Gossip Girl (though he'd never admit it).

Elaine A. said...

OH I LOVE Love Actually, actually! Sorry...

But then so does my hus. We have a good balance. He likes some of the chick flicks and I like some of the guy movies, so it works.

Funny post!