Friday, September 12, 2008

Big Bang Bucket List


Um, hello? World Council to Regulate Mad Scientists?

There are these dudes in Switzerland who have built a 10 billion dollar ATOM SMASHER?

Yeah. They want to "recreate the Big Bang". So, if you could just pop over there when you get a minute, we earthlings sure would appreciate it. 

You know, just give it a look-over since there are several nuclear physicists who have a few concerns. One being the total annihilation of earth into a black hole. Which, you know, would be bad.

And I, for one, have many things I'm looking forward to, not the least of which is "Heroes" and "The Office" coming back on TV.

So IF, in fact, the planet is going to implode into cosmic dust...I've gotta start crossing things off my "Bucket List" (things to do before you kick the bucket: Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson movie. Yeah -I didn't see it either.)

So, I'm jotting some things down:

#1. Make voodoo dolls of Swiss scientists.

#2. Buy a diamond & ruby encrusted Victoria's Secret bra

#3. Try one of those $200 hamburgers.

#4. See the Pam & Tommy Lee sex tape.

#5. Drink Grey Goose & OJ for breakfast

#6. Kidnap Joe Jonas at gunpoint

...that's as far as I've gotten. (note to self: Ace Hardware for duct tape)

OK! Thanks for looking into that - keep me posted.

p.s.  Prose&Converse commented on #6: "Big Bang, indeed." I don't know what she's talkin' about.

41 comments:

Deb said...

What about the mojitos? Will you have a last mojito? You could give one to the Jonas kid after you "take" away his purity. Purity ring, that is.

Simply Shannon said...

Yikes...that doesn't really seem like a great idea, does it?
Love your list. I'll have to give it some thought and come up with my own.

Cheryl said...

The $200 hamburger is on my list as well. Hope I get constipated after I eat it because I want my investment to last.

Heinous said...

I thought everyone had seen that tape. Oh well, you can combine it with 2,3, and 5 for an awesome breakfast. If you kidnap Joe beforehand, maybe the tape will get him in the mood too.

Jen said...

I've done #4 and trust me when I say that it isn't bucket list worthy. Now, kidnapping Joe Jonas-that sounds like a plan. Let me know if you need an accomplice.

PS I agree about the need to stop the Mad Scientists! WTF is up with this? How can this be safe?

Just Stephanie said...

I guess the diamond and ruby bra will come in handy if you need to cut any glass (with your chest) to get to the Jonas brother.

Does that burger come with fries?

Your funny...

Brittany said...

I want the million dollar bra also...as long as the diamonds don't cut my nipples...but I would hope it would be lined...wouldn't you think for a million dollars it would be lined?

Jen E said...

lmao I love, "yeah I didn't see it either" - too funny. Your list sounds pretty good - I think I'll save time and use yours myself - gotta think quick, right?

Mrs. Newlywed said...

You can kidnap Joe Jonas if I can have Kevin.

I am completely willing to admit I own BOTH of their CDs. I'm 24, and I have no children...this means that I am the one obsessed with them.

Mama Dawg said...

I'm with you on the drinking and the Pam and Tommy Lee tape.

I'll help you snatch (hee, hee, I said snatch) Joe if you help me get Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter). Deal?

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, and some of those scientists are AMERICANS!

We were actually going to build this here in the states. They started building the underground tunnel in Texas but then Congress decided that money was best spent elsewhere and cancelled the project.

Former Fat Chick said...

OMG- I have one! Scream at the top of your lungs "Let's go STEAKING" then rip off your clothes and run! YAY! This has be done in a supermarket, Mall or at work, some where with lots of people!

sassy stephanie said...

Ok some of these are "oddities". Agreed. But no. 5..c'mon girl. You shouldn't have to have that on a bucket list. That is simply a daily duty.

Tiffany said...

I think you should add that you would have a dance off with anybody who wants to challenge your skillz. And you gotta get BG laid first too. That hooker Barbie might be the one.

Tenakim said...

I can't believe you haven't seen the pam and tommy lee video- I thought every red blooded person in the free world had seen it!

Aleta said...

Lol. Love the list and the attitude.

But seriously (well, maybe not)... in trying to recreate the beginning, the thought that it could be the ending ~ how ironic. We ~ our own demise and some would say ~ fitting, though I'd like to think otherwise.

Linda S said...

Great list, and I'm in agreement, but seriously, Sue...move number 6 to number 1, 'cause the 1st 5 are nothing without the boy toy to accompany you...

jill jill bo bill said...

You have all that money from your nigerian boytoy, so get the panties, too. Don't try the thong, though. I am still healing from the gouges in my 1.5 ft deep crack from the diamonds.

jaime said...

i totally did #4! Their wedding was just odd- they all dressed up as aliens. and "it" is as big as they say. word.

jaime said...

i love how i comment on the video and completely disreguard the whole planet imploding thing. typical.

BacktoBarnwell said...

They are so smart that they don't have room for common sense! What if ol' Kim and the African dictators, who drive the G-Wagons, which I love, and the Taliban get together and decide they will hold up little Switzerland and hold the rest of the world hostage.

Or- we would never know that the scientist in charge of this was a crazy, and wanted to take over the world, because we've been so focused on Hillary, McCain, and Obama, and now Palin.

Monogramchick said...

sounds like you could combine that whole list into one freakin' awesome morning!

Threeboys1mommy said...

#7 Change my blog avatar pic to one of me in ruby and diamond Victoria's Secret bra, and big sunglasses.

p.s guy who's already seen the tape, looks like he owns a copy or 2. (please God don't let him read this) (PLEASE God don't let that be Sues brother)

Gettysburg Mom said...

See!! The world could end at any minute. Do I want my last moments to be spent scrubbing the bathtub? I think not.

Lisa-licious said...

About #5...just bought some vanilla flavored Vodka yesterday (to help with the whole 9/11 thing), and discovered it is AMAZING with OJ! You and Joe should try it when the widget runs out! Oh, and I have a "girl" for BG...more info soon!

proseandconverse said...

#6... Big Bang, indeed.

Har har.

And I totally give a huge "AMEN!" to the vanilla vodka/OJ comment. It's divine, like the 50/50 ice cream bars (aka Creamsicles). Vanilla vodka also DELISH with root beer- a grown up's root beer float.

So, take the recipes for alcoholic drinks that are made to taste like kid's dessert, and use that to make #6 come true.

When the widget says "GO-TIME!!!", of course.

sista #2 said...

Yeah...I wanna see what the fuss is about Tommy Lee. Bring.it.on.

peace
#2

Kelly said...

haha I love it...especially the greygoose and oj for breakfast..hee hee
Oh btw glad you like that rice-y stuff..awesome!
~cheers~

Jonny's Mommy said...

Are we forgetting that Joe is like a kid? And that after a few days in your "relationship" he will say things like "So, like you want to do it...now?" And then five minutes later: "now?" and then: "You totally want to play XBox with me?" and then he'll make a fart joke and then...

Hey, what was that about the world possibly imploding?

Oooh. I better check that out.

Lisa-licious said...

If we all get sucked into a black hole, I will die happy. You know why, Sue, don't you?! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I am bummed that you missed the photo that went along with the post...I couldn't get it up last night (oooh, that didn't sound right...good thing I am a female!) It is posted now, though...LOVING U, my blogger idol!!!!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

The Jonas brothers bought a home super close to us...my older daughter flips out every time she sees a limo now ;)
A ruby and diamond bra--sounds itchy but I'll help you with the vodoo dolls :)

Southern Gal said...

One more for me:

Put that chilled bottle of chardonnay in my desk drawer & drink the whole thing throughout the afternoon at work one day - like I keep saying I'm gonna do "one of these days!"

amelia bedelia said...

hey, tena, i haven't seen the video either!!

Lauren said...

Isn't it a little ironic that the nerdy scientists are trying to create "the big bang"...is this their version of a sports car?

Mrs4444 said...

I've seen the video; it's pretty trashy. But you do need to see it; it's a crazy little slice of Americana for sure!

texasholly said...

I think you covered the really important stuff...

Ann said...

#4 --- Check
#5 --- Check!

:->

creative-type dad said...

Sorry to burst your bubble, but that purity ring uses a protective force field.

You would just be screaming outside the bubble "Save me! Save me Jonas!" and then you'd get sucked in the black hole.

The Microblogologist said...

Ok, time to spill the beans. The physicists have concocted this "we're going to blow up the world" story to get attention. You see they are jealous, extremely jealous, of the microbiologists. We microbiologists are cool and don't really have to work to get the public's attention. Nope, all we have to do is swab a door handle or a toilet seat and we have people eating out of our hands. If that wasn't enough who do they call when pigs crap in a spinach field and cause a multi-state outbreak of E. coli O157:H7(not sure if they actually proved it was the pigs)? That's right, the microbiologists.

So what's a super nerd to do? Build some really cool looking machine and pretend that it is going to be the end of the world. And you just know that some of them are cruising the bars with the line, "Hey baby, how about we end the world with a big bang *wink wink*?" And who knows, maybe that line will work and one of them will actually get laid, do you really fault them? Would you deprive a physicist their once in a lifetime opportunity at losing their virginity? Come on, they need this, you never know when the bird flu might mutate and become a pandemic, or there is an Ebola outbreak somewhere, or someone tests ice cubes at a fast food restaurant and finds bacteria on them and the spotlight is once again on the microbiologists.

Physicists need loving too!

Karen

Val said...

I saw that thing! It's really creepy.

As for the bucket list....well, that would mean I know when "it's" going to happen. And I choose to remain completely ignorant.

LazyCrazyMama said...

Freaking scary isn't it??