Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The BuyCrap Party

UGH. You know the invitation. Where you think it's a real party invite but - PSYCH! - it's BuyCrap party. 

Pampered Chef. Southern Living. Discovery Toys. PartyLite Candles. Cabi clothing. Longaberger Freakin' Baskets. My Step Sister-in-Law's Beaded Jewelry.

What you think your invitees are saying when they open the invite: "Ooooh!"
What your invitees are actually saying: "F*ck!"




Dude, seriously? I like you - but not enough to spend $19 on this:

Because I'm pretty sure my FINGER has been doing a good job up to this point.

And I don't need a $69 wrought iron anything. Everyone knows you can get anything you want in wrought iron at TJ Maxx for $11.00 Wrought iron mirror? Yes. Umbrella stand? Yes. Underwear? Sure: $11.00.

"But there's wine!" Yes, I know there's wine. And dip. And cheese, don't forget the cheese. But here's the thing: 

Wine & cheese at MY house:  $0. 
Comfy couch & a new episode of The Office: $0
Not being the proud owner of a wrought-iron grape peeler: Priceless.

71 comments:

jill jill bo bill said...

...scratching Sue's name off my sex toy party list...

Kendra said...

Too true, too true. My cousin's wife got into some kind of jewelry about this time last year and hosted parties and had other people host parties for her...she even roped my poor Granma into hosting a party so she (cousin's wife) could get more free jewelry. Thankfully, we live 2½ hours away, so I had a valid excuse to decline any invites. ;-)

Jen said...

That is exactly what I say when I get one of those invites. I've pretty much just started boycotting these parties because everything is so marked up to pay the consultants. I've stopped making excuses. Now, I simply say "I really don't need any (jewelry, kitchen crap, makeup, etc) right now so I'm going to have to pass. Thanks for inviting me."

Jen said...

That is exactly what I say when I get one of those invites. I've pretty much just started boycotting these parties because everything is so marked up to pay the consultants. I've stopped making excuses. Now, I simply say "I really don't need any (jewelry, kitchen crap, makeup, etc) right now so I'm going to have to pass. Thanks for inviting me."

Swirl Girl said...

jill- once again- why buy a sexy toy when a finger will do just as well...I'm just sayin' what Sue was thinkin' -

back me on this girls...

I don't do home party anything...I am a home party pooper!

Aubrey said...

Thanks for putting that out there! Swirl Girl said it best. Cheers to the home party poopers!

Threeboys1mommy said...

Finger always gets the job done!

Kristi O said...

I just blew diet coke out my nose. oh my gosh! too much

Shannon said...

I'm going to one of these parties tomorrow night :(

Blondie said...

Amen, Sistah!

ciara said...

i've never went to any parties...just bought the buycrap straight from my friend/coworker. LOL oh wait...i forgot about the fun party LOL

MammaDawg said...

lol - ditto to jill jill bo bill.

Even if I haven't ever hosted a "Passion Party" - that might actually be one the Hubz would like to throw.

Or attend.

He wouldn't care, just as long as it had anything related to s-e-x at all.

Horny bastard.

KSK said...

SO agree. bummer you won't be invited to jilljill's naughty-toy party, though!

a friend recently tried to use my house for a party cause she was visiting. seriously, where can you hide when it is your own house????

kwr221 said...

OMG.

You can post for me today!

I linked you.

Cassie said...

Yup. I was pretty excited the other night to be invited to a "Girls Night In" event. Turned out to be an Arbonne party. Listening to a speech and having my skincare routine examined is not my idea of a fun girls night in.

Natalie said...

that is hilarious. i've lived overseas for the last 6 years so i've easily avoided these parties. my sister sells southern living stuff and i've never had to have a party. i move back in november...i fear what i will face when i get there. everyone will hit me up to throw a party. i will say no. i vow now to say no. and the sex toy party must be new. i have never even heard of that one! i can't even imagine what kind of party will come next!

Onknees (not_onknees at the moment) said...

I have gone to support my friends, but damn...then the company representative there starts hounding attendees to host their own party. Dont call us, we'll call you......I think partlite and Silpada are the worst

Scary Mommy said...

Amen. I have enough crap at my own home. People stopped inviting me to crapaloozas since I made that clear!

heartacheorheartburn said...

I can't even begin to explain how much I hate these sorts of parties. I refuse to go. I feel like a heel most of the time, but I honestly can't stand that sort of pressure!

Deb said...

If Jill Jill has a sex toy party, I would so go. Otherwise, those parties blow.

I remember going to a couple of Mary Kay parties. They only treated half of your face so you could see the "difference". WTF? You spent the night feeling filthy on the half they didn't treat, and embarassed that you looked like an idiot.

Can I come over to your house for wine and cheese? I live in PA too! Hehe.

Meg said...

Here's a thumbs up...I mean fingers up to what Swirl Girl said. Not not the middle finger.

Jen E said...

lmao - and I thought I was the only one! It's soooo true!

Tahoe Girl said...

Not only do I avoid those parties I even returned the jewelry samples someone loaned me to tryon...THEN three weeks later "my Order" arrived in the mail. I NEVER ORDERED ANYTHING!!!!Now i have to pay $85 for it...This blows!

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

And they always say, "Oh, but you don't have to buy anything. Just come to relax and mingle."

Which we all know is a load of crap.

Sue, you could be the first woman in the history of these parties to actually go and not buy anything and then report back to us and let us know how it goes.

And if your reporting is good enough, you may even make it on CNN.com. Then I would know two famous bloggers!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

You forgot the most annoying part; when the 'consultant' corners you and tries to get YOU to have a party. I never ever give them my phone number.

Though I must admit; I DO use all the Pampered Chef stuff I've bought over the years because I like to cook.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Oh, and I have to rant about Mary Kay. I went to many parties where I was made to feel like I didn't know how to apply makeup because I didn't look like I just walked off the set of Falcon Crest. And for a brief, unfortunate period of my life, I WAS a Mary Kay consultant.
I'm going to have to blog about that. Its too much to tell.

oº˚ Anissa ˚ºo said...

The only buycrap party I will go to is the fun party! Those are alot of fun and will spend some money on those little toys something you can really use.

Gettysburg Mom said...

My next door neighbor has a pink coffee maker, and yet I've received no invite to a crap party... not so sure what to make of that. Is it kindness on her part or that she knows I'll never look like I walked off the set of Falcon Crest? Hmmm....

MIQuilter said...

I am SOOO glad that most of my friends don't get into that sort of thing - because I'd be the first to be all about "my puppy ate something in the backyard and is feeling sick so I can't come" or "my garbage disposal backed up all over the kitchen floor so I have to clean it up." Nothing like having a bank of last minute excuses :)

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I have mixed feelings about this myself...I like the networking of friends at these kinds of parties...I like having a reason to get off my couch and enjoy a night with the girls..and YES I can always say NO to the "stuff". On the other hand I am a Mary Kay rep...not a good one...cause I can't seem to book a party to save my life...must be because I like the social aspect of being with my firends...and NOT the part about trying to make a little $$...LOL

Wendi said...

Instead of an RSVP to my next BuyCrap Party...I am sending the link to this post!
Thanks!

JenniBeanV said...

That is soooooo dead on! LOL! My friend's husband says everyone should just write each other checks and stay home.

Elisa said...

Oh boy am I with you on this one. My least favorite ones are:
- Tupperware (hello, Target is much cheaper)
- Avon (if I wanted to buy makeup loaded with cancerous chemicals, well, again: Target is much cheaper)
- anything made with beads (seriously, who the heck wears that stuff anyway?)

lsadler said...

never have truer words been spoken (written)

scarletvirago said...

*claps* YES!

Shelley said...

Thank God, I thought I was the only one who despised the BuyCrap parties. I've been to a couple of Pampered Chef parties, and I'm here to tell you that it is totally possible to go and not buy anything. I've done it. I've felt like a total heel for not ordering anything, but at least my bank account was intact. I totally agree that the worst part is when they start hounding you to host a party at your house, and tell you that you can get all this "free" stuff. No thanks. I now decline any and all invitations to BuyCrap parties.

The Mom said...

one of my close friends works the passion party circuit. I've had two of her parties, and two others...I think I can be my own consultant now.

Caroline said...

So so true! I am sorry, I am just not into those buy crap parties! And you are right on about TJ Maxx...I just love that place! I found the best Calphalon cookware there!

~annie said...

Fingers are soooo versatile. Just say "NO", girls. No phony excuses. If you want to get together for a drink, go out for a drink. It'll be cheaper in the long run.

Linney Shvede said...

Thanks Sue, for once again being the voice of the little people everywhere! You rock!

h31n0us said...

I'm just laughing. Guys don't throw parties like this. Hell, we'd be pressed to send out invitations for anything. That's what the phone is for.

I've seen my wife get them though. She usually blows them off after I say, "No one is making you go, but you can if you want to."

Former Fat Chick said...

Please, no one HURT me...I love those parties!

1. I have an excuse to go out mid-week
2. The is always alcohol involved
3. I have an excuse to buy junk, that I do anyway on E-bay
4. My husband does not consider it a girls nite out, so he doesnt bitch

Marla said...

amen!

Tara said...

I have to say, I have been a blog lurker for months now and have never posted a comment (even when you asked us to) BUT THIS...this did the trick!! Can I just get an AMEN?!!!!! I hate those "parties" and usually end up dropping the friends that go with 'em!
Thanks for the laughs!!! ALWAYS!

mommypie said...

OMAGAH I LOATHE those freakin' candle parties.

You're HI-larious.

Athena said...

For real with the wrought iron shit from TJ Maxx. Its like they signed a deal with the devil to always, 24/7 have some sort of running special on wrought iron home goods.

Ann said...

Oh-my-gawd!!!!
I used to be a Southern Living pusher!!!!!!
I hated it! Hated every single second of it! It was really an out-of-body experience for me. I was doing something I didn't have to do, but I just kept doing it. AND I HATED IT!!!! (I believe I've made my point, sorry.)
This was 2 years ago and I feel like I still need to clear my aura, or whatever.
I can't believe my husband just grinned and didn't judge, out loud at least.
Ugh.

amelia bedelia said...

Yes!! So right! And that's why I have 14 spatulas from Pampered Chef that I paid $20 each. Seriously, I don't cook THAT much!

Wendy said...

yeah, but retail stores only sell those crappy plastic grape peelers, not the iron ones.

Chelle said...

Amen. I HATE those parties. Most of the time everyone sits around so uncomfortably. Always asking what you're buying.
Whatever happened to plain old "wanna come to my house? i'm having a party. a get buzzed, get drunk, be loud and laugh your ass off party."
Now that is a party I will go to!! :)

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

I always seem to be invited to these but now that I am back to school and not working, tah-dah - no more invites. Yea for me.
A finger does the job but the toys are fun also:)

Lipstick said...

Love this post! I hate the Girls Night Out Bait and Switch.

Laurie said...

This is a great post and you are so right!!!! I think the same thing when I open those. F*(^ and how am I going to get out of this one!!

Brianne said...

New to your blog, but I can safely say that I want to be you when I grow up! Thanks for the laughs!

Heather said...

Amen sister! I cannot tell you how many people have suggested I sell XY or Z through home parties for a job now that my kiddo will be starting kindergarten in two weeks (which is full days 'round here). Um, no thank you. I prefer to have my friends for being friends with, not for scoring cash from via guilt trips and free cheese. Ew.

A friend of mine once tried to get me to host a lingerie party, which I turned down. She brought in her hostess gift (she'd been roped into hosting one and then was thinking about selling it herself) in an attempt to convince me, but alas, not even the "razzle dazzle" (think bra-panties set with strategically placed tassels, I kid you not, tassels) would make me see the light.

Needless to say, my underwear drawer is still (sadly?? hmmm, have to check with Hubby on that one) tassel-free.

And swirl girl: I've got your back!

Oh, I just remembered, this one time, back in the pre-kiddo, still working outside the home days, one of my staff members had his wife invite me to a party. Wasn't southern living but some kind of home deco crap like that - grape vines and candles and mirrors and other crap to nail to your wall. Seeing as how I was this guy's boss and therefore knew how little he was paid (we worked at a nonprofit agency after all), I felt totally obliged to attend. He told me there were like 6-7 other women, including other women from work, attending.

The night of the party? A snow storm of medium intensity (we're in a snowy corner of NY state, so it wasn't THAT big a deal, but it was precipitation...) began about a half hour before party time. I was the ONLY one who showed up, besides the House Crap Catalog rep and my hostess. This includes my coworkers and the hostess and host's freaking relatives. Then, when I was like "oh I'm the only one here and the roads are kinda icy, so thanks, BYE!"? The catalog rep chick, who was wicked pissed at having had to drive all the way from Buffalo (an hour plus away), INSISTED on having the party for just me - who said OUTRIGHT to them "I'm NOT going to buy ANYTHING." Which I didn't. I "won" a box of the worst-smelling, allegedly lilac scented votives as a "door prize" but I refused to buy a single thing. Not when they made me sit there in the flickering-powered light (thanks storm) and try to sell me stuff that I didn't want. Humph.

Oh, I'm having total flashbacks now. *shudder* I should stop commenting before I hit the max characters allowed, eh?

Cheers!

georgie said...

Sue That's So True! Loved it

Jill Jill Bo Bill wheres my friggin invite?

Larissa said...

OMG, you have no idea!

There's this ONE friend of mine who I've not just received multiple invites to parties of the same *type*, but to 4 DIFFERENT genres all-together.

EEk.

BTW< I have added you to my blogroll. =)

kwr221 said...

Hey!!!!
Suburban Turmoil is posting a similar post today
http://suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com/2008/08/making-money-off-your-friends.html

You were FIRST! Do you think it's a coincidence or a nefarious plot?

Yours is waaay funnier, BTW.

Blessings From Above said...

I couldn't agree more! The last one of these I got suckered into was for make your own jewelry that 1)was ugly 2) cost more than any Brighton jewelry 3) did I mentioned I had to make it myself 4) the bitch, uhmmm, I mean my mother-in-law, did not even serve wine.

Sorry if I sound a little bitter...I am not a fan of these "parties!"

.:Girl Interrupted:. said...

I agree with most of the BuyCrap parties and what you said about them... but.. I do love the candle parties. I'm a nerd. And I pay way too much for candles :)

Kelly said...

This is so funny..and SO True!!

Anonymous said...

The quilting parties I go to they aren't as fun as sex-toy parties, but they also don't cost anything. We all get together and trade patterns, and mingle. If enough attendees bring a quilt block, they can be combined into a mongrel quilt...it's fun. But I remember my Mom and her friends getting together for Tupperware and Avon parties. I think it's sneaky, telling your friends to come to a party, and swindle them when they get there. It's hard to say no to your friends. Especially if you are the only one saying no.

diane said...

Thank you . . . best laugh I've had in awhile. Looooove your blog!

gingela5 said...

Yeah, I never have friends when they have a "real" party but when there's a party where they're selling stuff? Oh we're BFF

Julie said...

Oh I am so laughing! I hate hate hate these parties. You can't just go - you have to buy! The only type of party I go to is a children's clothing one.

I once gave an Arbonne party for a friend. NO ONE SHOWED UP! How sad is that! Thankfully she thought it was hysterical and we drank all the wine by ourselves.

I am Boymom said...

Yeah...nobody invites me anymore because I NEVER go to these. I would however, attend a BG Buycrap Party, 'cause I'm willin' to help a brotha out, you know what I'm sayin'? 'Cause a Playah with no coin ain't no Playah. Bein' broke is whack, yo. A BG Buycrap Crib Party? Hells yeah!

haute flash contessa said...

Sad to say, I've joined the ranks of in-home crap hawkers. I never thought I'd do something so drastic but this product was calling my name; it's something I'm very familiar and not a day goes by without my having it.

Wine.

Yep, I'm a wine consultant who hosts in-home wine tastings. I'm not sure how long I'll last in the business, and I'll probably drink all the profits, but hell, what a fun way to spend an evening.

texasholly said...

yep.

Ramblin' Red said...

Amen, sistah Sue!

purple pineapple said...

where were you people when I needed you? Just lived through Southern Living at Home par-tay. Nice girls, but reallY? We have Marshalls, TJ's and Homegoods 2 miles from here and ps - we live up North. Can't. Go. To. Another. Freakin'. Party. Disguised as "let the hostess get free stuff rally".

* TONYA * said...

I just received an email from a friend yesterday wanting me to go to one of these ... yes there will be wine and snacks, yes I will get a massage and yes I will be obligated to buy something I will never ever use again.

Wanna RSVP for me?