Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tales from a Cyberchondriac


If my husband could figure out the "parental controls" on my computer, the first thing he would block would be Web MD. 

Embarrassing incident #1:
11pm: bed.....ooohh I'm so tired.......start my diet again tomorrow.......so sleepy.......
don't forget toWHAT WAS THAT??????????!!!!!!!!  A very distinct sharp pain in my chesticular/lung area. OMG. Lung cancer. heart attack. collapsed lung. stroke? Allergic reaction! Definitely heart attack. Where's the baby aspirin? What if my kids find me dead in the morning. Gotta google this NOW. Tiptoe down to the office and type in "chest pain". Well. I knew it. Heart attack. Lead poisoning. Pleurisy. Anxiety. Anxiety?
OK, that time it was anxiety. After insisting on a chest x-ray because my Aunt died of lung cancer, my doctor sent me home with a valium prescription.

Embarrassing incident #2: 

Woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and there were CLUMPS of eyelashes gone from each eye! Gone! Panicked, I googled "losing eyelashes" and determined it was the onset of "alopecia" - losing all one's hair. How would my children deal with the embarrassment. I resigned myself to getting a stylish wig made from real hair. Showed everyone I know the bald spots on my eyes. Went to examine my eyelash curler to see if any were there, and realized the little cushion had a huge gap in it. I was chopping off my own eyelashes. Medical emergency solved. This time.

28 comments:

Ann said...

Web MD is in my "Favorites". (It shouldn't be.)
I've been driving my husband crazy because my shoulders have been hurting like a mo' fo' for weeks and I'm convinced it's Fibromyalgia!
(Yes I know I've been using weights lately... but still!)

jaime said...

the WEBMD symptom checker...oh man...i was having stomach probs once and went there and it had me thinkin i had giardiasis (google, it's gross). turned out i didn't but that was the last time i went there! yeah, my husband thought i was losin it too...

jaime said...

ann, i DO have Fibromyalgia...and noticed that that site is quick to point to that as well!

Another quickie--a few months ago i almost made my husband take me to the ER for chest pains. i SWORE i was going to die...turns out I can never eat pepperoni pizza again. Worst case of heartburn EVER! lol, it stinks getting older.

The Snow Shoveler said...

I totally have to stay away from WebMD forever. I always convince myself I have something that always turns out to have a more logical explanation. My hubby can't stand that site!!

Deanna said...

Who doesn't have Web MD bookmarked? It's our responsibility as Moms!!

Ann, trust me, if you have fibromyalgia your shoulders wouldn't be the only thing that were hurting. You would feel like you were run over by a train and the feeling would not go away. (I have had fibro since '94. NOT fun!)

The Mom said...

ahh, WebMD is the devil! every time my kids sneeze I type in, "sneezed three times in a row on thursday" and 146 different ailments come up and I end up with my kid snorting salt water from the Salton Sea to cure them, i'm the one who should be embarassed.

Alice said...

HAAHHAHAHAA....cutting off your own eyelashes... *wipes tears*....

And hey, I occasionally have that sharp chest pain. What's that all about!? I go into heart attack mode and get mad at Babycakes for not caring/reacting that I just possibly had a heart attack.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Remember that next time you head to Google or WebMD.

So how long does it take eyelashes to grow back? I'm sure you've Googled that!

Jonny's Mommy said...

I'm sorry,but are we related? Seriously. This sounds like me! Last time I was sure I had an ectopic pregnancy.

Just gas.

Whatever....It really could have been.

~Steph said...

Wow, I am SO glad I'm not the only one!! I get those anxiety/chest pain issues quite frequently. I did go in once and turned it there was an inflammation of the chest wall lining. And my doc says if it goes away, it's NOT a heart attack! Good to know, but still...it's the first thing you (well, I) think of: the fact that I'd be home alone with the kids and what would they do???

P.S. Good luck growing back those eyelashes!

Tenakim said...

Are you my husband, seriously! He thinks he has everything!!! Knowledge is dangerous in the wrong mind, definitely!
What I hate, is when the media report XYZ is good or bad for you (Studies have shown that rubbing tomaoto paste on your earlobes makes you less likely to suffer a heart attack). We magically end up with a year supply of tomato paste!

Kelly said...

omg a fellow hypochondriac..
I am not the only one.
I have been on the Dr. Mercola site for awhile and according to him it seems every freakin' thing is toxic..hell, I guess I shoulda been dead years ago, ya know using a microwave and all..

ali said...

LOL! Doctors must cringe everytime they hear a patient say, "Well, I was looking on the internet..."

Val said...

Ha! Right there with ya sister.

The other day I was sure a cut on my leg was infected. Google told me so.

I showed everyone who would look....all the answers were "it's fine". But still.....each day I worried that my leg would fall off!

Gettysburg Mom said...

WebMD convinced me I had Lupus. I got better. Or I was never sick. Whatever.

Did I ever mention that when I see a comment has been deleted it makes me want to know what it said more than ever? Could you give us a hint? Please? Was it your first hate mail?

Sue said...

Gettysburg Mom - That's so funny. That's what i thought too - but it was just the first commenter, Ann, had posted her comment twice and removed one. I think it says "removed by OWNER" if it's done by the blog owner. :)

Kelly said...

that's so funny I always wonder about the deleted comments too...hahaha

Gettysburg Mom said...

Hmm. Well, wasn't that anticlimatic? Geesh. You could've pretended it was a terroristic threat or something. I need a little vicarious excitement sometimes.

McMommy said...

WebMD is evil...BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY ARE RIGHT!

Take it from me...Goiter Girl.

Gross...I couldn't possibly have a goiter!!

WebMD laughed at me and told me "Oh yes you can!"

I do.

Thanks alot, WebMD.

Rachel said...

Thank you so much for the laugh. It was very much needed. WebMD scares me.

Kareer Woman said...

Ha, you gotta LOVE Web MD!
I'm glad I came across your site, I really like your blog.

TONYA said...

seriously addicted to WebMD here too. Last week my hubby had one of 24 different ailments ranging from the flu to the death bed. We kept trying to find more symptoms to narrow his 'illness' down further but alas there were none. He's still alive.

My kids pediatrician has banned me from using the words 'mothers group' and 'computer' in his office.

Jennifer said...

Hey SITS mama!

This post had me laughing out loud! It's SO me!

Lane Boyz Mom said...

Oh yeah....there are others out there like me! I've been sick to my stomach today, after eating lunch out with the kiddo's & friends...of course it was the tomatoe's in the salad, you know...salmonella, because it can't just be an upset stomach;) LOL

Carol said...

If it makes you feel better my grandma once diagnosed herself with prostate issues, you wouldn't believe her confusion when I had to explain that ladies don't actually have a prostate.

Mamasphere said...

In college I had chest pains so bad I couldn't breathe and had to be rushed to the ER. Turned out to just be air trapped in the lining of my lung. But the X-ray they did showed all the gas I had in my intestines. THAT was embarassing.

I love Web MD.

The Walsh's said...

Oh wow this is so me.

My husband always says, "Why don't you go ask Dr. Google?" when I say there is some sort of a problem...I always find a diagnosis.

I love this post...

Lipstick said...

found you via McMommy....this made me cackle out loud!