At a dinner party recently, our hostess, Maura, brought out a book during dessert called "IF": it's a book of hypothetical questions such as "If you could wake up with a button next to your bed that did anything at all, what would it be?"
Maura: "Lynne. Anything at all. Global warming. World peace."
Lynne: "I'm sticking with coffee."
If you were hoping for a night of soul searching, this was not your crowd. Which brings me to the question posed to me: "If you could have lunch with one person, living or dead, who would it be?" And I answered, naturally, "Josh Holloway." (star and hunk extrordinaire of "Lost" ). Growing ever certain that her closest friends were a group of superficial dimwits, Maura suggested that I might have chosen Martin Luther King or Jesus. I stand by my decision, however, as the two meetings would have gone something like this:
Lunch With Josh
Me: You look hot.
Me: So after this you want to go do it in your car?
Lunch With Jesus
Me: Hi - sorry to take you away from....well, all the stuff you do.
Jesus: yeah, I'm pretty busy.
Me: It's just that "IF" book - do you ever play that?
Jesus: Well, I know all the answers already.
Me: Oh right....So do you you know what you want to order?
Jesus: I'll just have a goat cheese salad and a mineral water.
Me: Me too - except I'll have a chardonnay.
Jesus: You always do.
Me: What? not always.
Me: So do you know about everything I do?
Me: Even the time -
Me: Well. That's awkward.
Me: Well if you know everything, am I ever going to lose this 10 pounds?
Jesus: Probably no.
Me: What! Yes I am! I'm starting Monday.