Monday, June 9, 2008

Lunch With Jesus

At a dinner party recently, our hostess, Maura, brought out a book during dessert called "IF": it's a book of hypothetical questions such as "If you could wake up with a button next to your bed that did anything at all, what would it be?"

Lynne: "coffee."
Maura: "Lynne. Anything at all. Global warming. World peace."
Lynne: "I'm sticking with coffee."

If you were hoping for a night of soul searching, this was not your crowd. Which brings me to the question posed to me: "If you could have lunch with one person, living or dead, who would it be?" And I answered, naturally, "Josh Holloway." (star and hunk extrordinaire of "Lost" ). Growing ever certain that her closest friends were a group of superficial dimwits, Maura suggested that I might have chosen Martin Luther  King or Jesus. I stand by my decision, however, as the two meetings would have gone something like this:

Lunch With Josh
Me: Hey.
JH: Hey.
Me: You look hot.
JH: Thanks.
Me: So after this you want to go do it in your car?
JH: Cool.


Lunch With Jesus








Me: Hi - sorry to take you away from....well, all the stuff you do.

Jesus: yeah, I'm pretty busy.

Me: It's just that "IF" book - do you ever play that?

Jesus: Well, I know all the answers already.

Me: Oh right....So do you you know what you want to order?

Jesus: I'll just have a goat cheese salad and a mineral water.

Me: Me too - except I'll have a chardonnay.

Jesus: You always do.

Me: What? not always.

Jesus: Mostly.

Me: So do you know about everything I do?

Jesus: Ummm....Yup.

Me: Even the time - 

Jesus: Yeah.

Me: Well. That's awkward.

Jesus: mm-hmm.

Me: Well if you know everything, am I ever going to lose this 10 pounds?

Jesus: Probably no.

Me: What! Yes I am! I'm starting Monday.

Jesus: Whatever.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wish Jesus would just tell me I'm not going to lose the weight so then I could just relax and enjoy the rest of my life. -Noon

The Mom said...

I'd be in the car with Josh in a second! ;)

McMommy said...

seriously...you are the most hilarious blogger I've ever met...er, not "met" met...you so know what I mean!

Kelly said...

Sawyer...yummmy
And I am totally with your one friend who said her anything button is coffee...although I think it would be EVEN better if Josh served it to me ...(naked) haha

Ramblin' Red said...

Hilarious....

~Steph said...

Hey, I just found your blog, and you are hilarious!! I'd have to agree with your choice of who to have lunch with!! Keep up the good work!

Kristi said...

Too funny. Two months eh? Happy Anniversary. You are growing up so fast. :)

Lorrie Veasey said...

so glad I found you via dooce. Best blog I've read in a long time. I want some of what you're drinking.

anniesstuff said...

You are so funny and talented. I can't believe you've only been blogging for 2 months. I check in regularly for a good laugh.Thanks!

Ann said...

Congratulations on 2 months.
(Only 2 months?!?)
Great job!

Alice said...

Mmmm yeah...I'm gonna do that ol pull-an-old-post trick because this heat has sapped me of any brain waves I might have had.

I pretty much count on your blog for posts of hot men, by the way, so keep it up. Bathtub Gangsta doesn't count though.

The Mom said...

The 2 best damn months evah!

Congrats *handing you a beverage full of happiness (read: lotsa alcohol)*

Chandra Stauffer said...

Definitely worth a repost!

Funny, funny stuff.

Sogeshirtsguy said...

Thanks for reposting this. That was comedy gold.

onangelwings said...

Hey, you picked my pick. He's mine. Wait your funnier he would probably like you better. Damn I suck.

deconstructing jen said...

How is this only the second month of your blog. You have to be the funniest person ever.

Lindsay said...

I don't even think Josh and I would make it to the car. Try restaurant bathroom. Or tabletop, that man is HOT!

Loving your blog!

Heather said...

mmmmm Josh Holloway.......

Jen said...

Any person that would have post about Jesus and doing Josh Holloway in the back (or front--not sure which one because you didn't really specify)car is my new best friend. Love it!!

Becca said...

OMG. I nearly peed. Thanks for the laugh.

*jimaie.marie* said...

SUEEEEEEE!! you are THE BEST! seriously. i laugh and i laugh and i laugh! When I grow up I hope I'm as fantastically funny as you ;)

Sammy said...

My husband thinks you're great!