Lunch With Jesus

At a dinner party recently, our hostess, Maura, brought out a book during dessert called "IF": it's a book of hypothetical questions such as "If you could wake up with a button next to your bed that did anything at all, what would it be?"

Lynne: "coffee."

Maura: "Lynne. Anything at all. Global warming. World peace."

Lynne: "I'm sticking with coffee."

If you were hoping for a night of soul searching, this was not your crowd. Which brings me to the question posed to me: "If you could have lunch with one person, living or dead, who would it be?" And I answered, naturally, "Josh Holloway." (star and hunk extrordinaire of "Lost" ). Growing ever certain that her closest friends were a group of superficial dimwits, Maura suggested that I might have chosen Martin Luther  King or Jesus. I stand by my decision, however, as the two meetings would have gone something like this:

Lunch With Josh

Me: Hey.

JH: Hey.

Me: You look hot.

JH: Thanks.

Me: So after this you want to go do it in your car?

JH: Cool.

Lunch With Jesus

Me: Hi - sorry to take you away from....well, all the stuff you do.

Jesus: yeah, I'm pretty busy.

Me: It's just that "IF" book - do you ever play that?

Jesus: Well, I know all the answers already.

Me: Oh right....So do you you know what you want to order?

Jesus: I'll just have a goat cheese salad and a mineral water.

Me: Me too - except I'll have a chardonnay.

Jesus: You always do.

Me: What? not always.

Jesus: Mostly.

Me: So do you know about everything I do?

Jesus: Ummm....Yup.

Me: Even the time - 

Jesus: Yeah.

Me: Well. That's awkward.

Jesus: mm-hmm.

Me: Well if you know everything, am I ever going to lose this 10 pounds?

Jesus: Probably no.

Me: What! Yes I am! I'm starting Monday.

Jesus: Whatever.