Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Open Letter to 'Happy Nail' Salon


Dear 'Happy Nail' Technicians:
      Don't you guys watch Seinfeld? You know you're talking about me in Korean. I know you are. You're pretending you're not. I'm pretending not to know. But guess what - I totally do. And since I'm a paying customer, and a nice one, and I always tip well, after 15 years, I have had it. And so, Happy Nail, here is 

What I Would Say In Front Of You If I Knew a Language That You Did Not:

First of all, no way is your name 'Helen'. Or Karen or Janet or Grace. Cut the crap. Secondly, what is the deal with the hooker shoes. Third, is there no one to give you advice on naming the place? "Happy Nail".... "Joy Nail" ......"Shiny Nail" - my first grader could give you better suggestions. And where do I begin with the cheese-tastic decor. Nothing says "class" like plastic flowers and Christmas tinsel in June. And why do your own nails look like crap? What is up with that?

OK. Got that off my chest. I'll be in next Friday for a pedicure. With Heather, if she's available.



31 comments:

Brooke said...

Happy Meals, Happy Hour AND Happy Nail?? Maybe you should hook up with Absolutely Bananas (http://www.absolutelybananas.com/2008/06/to-trade-in-or-not-to-trade-in-theres.html)

Don't worry; Be Happy!

The Mom said...

DEAD ON! I almost posted something not quite as funny last week! I swear those girls are saying, 'nice tat lady, you in a GANG? you big gangsta lady? oh an how 'bout those hairy leg? you own razor?'

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

You hit every stereotype perfectly! This post will have me chuckling for days!

Kelly said...

omg taht is hysterical and so true. I am sure they are always talking about me and my toes or feet or something. Your letter is perfect. The decor!?! Haha whats with that? I have a place here called 'Good Nail' the names of these places are so funny! Great post!

ali said...

LOL--I love that episode of Seinfeld!

Kareer Woman said...

Great post, LOL!

Val said...

The writers of Seinfeld would have been proud!

Now, could you spare a square?

Dette said...

LOL - it's SO true! I got tired of them always trying to "upsell" me (charging me $3 for a cute little sticker) and finally quit going.

Why the hell can't they take off ALL of the old polish?

Anyhoo - now my nails look like theirs.

Tenakim said...

OMG TRUE!!! I went last week with my sister and one of her friends and they were just chatting away in their native tongue as they did our toes- but the one that was working on my feet was the only wearing gloves!!!WTF??? I know she was talking about how gnarley my feet were- no doubt!

Alice said...

One place I go occasionally for GirlChild's benefit has a shrine set up on the floor with fruit offerings. I love when they leave the little stickers on the apples - mabye Buddha needs to know if it's a Granny Smith.

Rachel said...

*giggling*

Believe it :-) Thanks for the laugh.

All of ours are named 'Solar Nail' or 'Tip Top 2 Nail' Hand to God. I swear.

jaime said...

you had me at the Seinfeld reference...best show ever.

i'm horrible at understanding Asian accents. Last time I went to get a mani/pedi I couldn't even understand when she was telling me what table to go to...and they all had big numbers hanging over them! "numba fo, numba fo!" i swear i made her repeat every sentence 4 times.

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

LOL. I love this post. I always wonder where do they get their hooker shoes. I also wonder if they take some sort of course on how to confuse the hell out of me, I cannot understand them regardless.

Lane Boyz Mom said...

LOL SOOO TRUE!!!

Marla said...

You are funny, I want to know what is up with the posters of hands next to feet showing off nails?

scargosun said...

Grr. Blogger ate my comment. What I was saying WAS:

I am not too far from you, just slightly NW of Philly in Oreland. Love your blog and thank you for visiting mine!

Kareer Woman said...

Thanks for another comment, I hope you'll become a regular, I know I will with your blog, I'm enjoying it :)

Sogeshirtsguy said...

lol that is funny. They talk crap about everyone. They should have named it super power utlima fun happy nail.

Onknees (not_onknees at the moment) said...

I thought this was so true...I think the same things when I am there. Sad to say that I wait so long between pedicures that I go to a different salon everytime, so that i do not have to face these biotches more than once....apparently i have issues

Mamasphere said...

The morning of my wedding I finally looked at the girl and said, "I'm sorry, I just don't understand what you're trying to ask me." And then looked away, done with trying to communicate any further.

A few minutes later she accidentaly snipped into the skin of my big toe. Lots of blood.

I never went back to that salon, but now I pretend to understand!

Lynette said...

Hey, do you go to MY nail salon? With Nancy? LOL

Beth said...

I know you POW'd the other one, but this one kills, I love it. Hillarious!!

TONYA said...

OMG soooo true. I'm also a 'Happy Nails' frequenter but I love that they speak their own language, I don't want to be able to understand what they think of my feet, I'd rather be in la la land believing they are all that and more :).

Now where was Bathtub Gangsta. I at least expected to see him swimming in the foot spa or getting a manicure

Keeper Of All Things said...

While a friend and I were getting pedis the lil gal doing my feet looks up and says
You want I do eyebrow?
Eyebrow? Eyebrow?! Hell ya I want you do eyebrow if your only seeing one!!!!!

Mrs. R said...

You speak the truth. My nail salon... Roxi Nail, looks like a wanna be Parthenon with all it's fake colums and faded silk flowers. The do a mean eyebrow wax though...for that I am grateful!

McMommy said...

HA!!!!!!! You should have double-POW'd it this week!!! Hilarious!

TUTU Monkey said...

Oh my gosh ...i just found your blog ...I almost wet my pnat laughing so hard. You are so funny!! I hear ya sista with the nail ladies...it is kind of wierd to get the guys too......hmmmmm never sure what is going on or who is with who...hmmmm

Natalie said...

that was hysterical! there is a video on youtube that you will love!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o&feature=related

cracks me up!

deconstructing jen said...

Hahaha! This is so right on it's a little scary.

Anonymous said...

Did you ever see the Youtube clip with Anjelah Johnson. OMG - dean on impersonation of the girls in the salon. I HATE when they do this!!!!! They ar eprobably like ewe, lady has some bad feet, I better get a good tip, etc, etc....

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