Thursday, April 8, 2010

Well That's Embarrassing.

So my middle school daughter informs me yesterday that she had a "How Well Do You Know Your Parent?" assignment where she had to write down what I would say to questions like "Favorite Actor".

And she put that I would say "Taylor Lautner".























Yeah. Wrote it down, handed it in.

Cougar Fail. Again.

SO I have compiled a list of "Correct" answers to prevent such reputation malfunctions in the future.

Actual answers in parenthesis.

FAVORITE ACTOR: Anthony Hopkins (Taylor Lautner OR Channing Tatum)

FAVORITE MOVIE: Shindler's List (The Hangover)

FAVORITE MUSICIAN: Jack Johnson (Lady Gaga) (Actually I do like Jack Johnson but I suspect it's because he's cute.)

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: CSI, Hardball, Extreme Makeover Home Edition (Celebrity Rehab, Cougar Town, Glee, Tough Love, Tool Academy)


FAVORITE AUTHOR: Hemingway (Stephen King and the chick who wrote Twilight)

FAVORITE FOOD: Seafood Bouillabaise (Lays Barbecue potato chips)


FAVORITE DRINK: Seltzer with Lemon (Captain Morgan & coke)

WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY? Destroying the Earth's natural resources. (using up all the glasses when there's perfectly good paper cups)

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR? Global warming (cellulite)


WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? Repairing global relations (Taylor Lautner)





28 comments:

A Real Housewife said...

i am laughing out loud at work!! this is GREAT!!!! you better start quizzing your daughter on this.... =)

SueMac said...

Hahahahaha!!! I love "Celebrity Rehab".... let my 12 yo daughter watch the episode where they're coming down and getting sick. Scared the crap out of her, those images are burned into her memory now! Riveting programming!!

Kara said...

You had me rolling on the floor laughing with your "answers" and actual answer. HAHA!

Very great post!

-Kara @ lilmisswisecracker.com

OHmommy said...

I always miss those kind of memos. Thank God I have people like you who guide me.


Awesome Sue.

NTS said...

Note to self: Begin drilling 5-year-old on acceptable responses to questions about mom. "What does you mom like to drink?" Acceptable responses: tea, lemonade, milk, water. Unacceptable responses: bud light, vodka on the rocks or red wine.

PaperCourt said...

Hilarious...

When I left my boys with my mom for the weekend, little kid (age 3) told my mom we were probably drinking wine and eating steak while we were away.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

You're scared of cellulite? Wait. You don't have any? Ugh. I hate you even MORE now.

zachary said...

This is hilarious!
The answers in the bracket is breaking my jaws..
Greatest fear? LOLOLOLOL!!!
Thank you, you made me lost it for a bit..I love Glee!

♥ Kathy said...

hahaha! I think some of her answers were actually HER answers! Stephen King is my fav author too :)

Shelley said...

Wow, I am out of the loop here. Remember back in the day, when you thought RP was the shizz? I have to admit though, Taylor was a hot little werewolf. He's 18, right? So I don't sound too creepy saying that?
Speaking of shizz, what's BG up to these days?

Erin said...

effing hilarious!

Denise Thomas said...

dude, TOTALLY.

Sarah said...

Ahaha! I want to be you when I grow up:)

Mare said...

Reminds me of the card my 6 yo daughter made me for my bday. On it she included some of my favorite things. What did she include? Wine of course.

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

absolutely fracking hilarious

Rainey said...

Hysterical! I find it a bit hard to believe that Captain and Coke isn't even your fav alcoholic beverage....?

Kids these days, repeating everything they see and hear. :)

michelle said...

Really, truly hilarious.

Anonymous said...

cellulite blows! i was teaching summer school and wearing shorts one summer when a girl told me i had holes in my leg. nice! up there with the comment that another kid made, "no offense but your hair looks like crap today." kids are a gift from god tho... ha!
stephen king is great, but i think david sedaris and agustin burroughs would be right up your sick, sarcastic alley! they rock.

Miss Yvonne said...

OMG, the paper cups! I hate that too!! Quit making me run the dishwasher, people. Seriously, the environment really isn't in that much trouble that you can't throw away a few paper cups instead of making me load and unload that stupid thing all the time.

p.s. I bow down to your mad Cougar skillz, yo.

Twenty-Something said...

That is hilarious!

I had to confess to my boyfriend the other day that I had a dream where I was making out with Taylor Lautner, but since we were only kissing, it only makes me half-pedophile, right?

(The reason I had to confess was because he asked why I was so upset when the UPS guy knocked on the door and woke me up...)

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

ah, Taylor Lautner. The cure to all that ails this planet. Or at least the only cute cure ;-)

Julia said...

nice work! My kids could use some prepwork, fo sho.
I loves me some celebrity rehab and cougar town, too.
and despite your warnings, I drank the vacation punch this week and won the mc hammer dance contest. Some things you just can't resist.

Maile said...

Team Jacob all the way.

Never liked that Victoria's Secret sparkle lotion anyways!

But also, Han Solo is hot, then and now

Maile said...

...and I may or may not have a Han Solo "action figure" in my closet...

Daddy Geek Boy said...

That's the nice thing about living out as a geek...no secrets.

I love your list.

Nuke Girl said...

This is hilarious, Sue! But seriously, age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel, right? (Especially with those amazing abs from the other post!) Taylor Lautner would definitely consider you a MILF. :)

Besides, if Teach is a woman you know she's thinking the exact same thing!

reasonably chubby said...

I laughed my head off! :) Thanks for "sharing."

Lisa-licious said...

Your parenthetical (is that a word?) answers closely mirror my own. This is why we are the perfect BlogHer roomies.

BTW, I've already started packing. Still debating about the rotating mirror ball...thoughts?