Monday, October 26, 2009

Sleepwalking Pills

So I complained to my doctor about a month ago that I'm having trouble sleeping, he prescribes me "Zolpidem" and of course I don't read the instructions.

Which are mostly warning you not to take the pill til you're in bed.

So I take it while I'm still at my computer, fall asleep sitting up, get woken up by my daughter, and walk into a wall.

I tell my mom the story and she's all: "It's not Ambien, is it? Because people do weird things on Ambien." and I'm all "No, no, no - it's Zolpidem."

Which upon closer scrutiny of the package insert today, is the generic name for Ambien.

So I finally read the insert and check THIS out: Here are some of the things you might do and not remember the next day:




"Sleep-driving" and having sex.

Dude. If I'm getting up in the middle of the night to drive somewhere and have sex, I better damn well remember it.

40 comments:

kmoye said...

LOL!
also don't let your hubby read that. If he is anything like mine (by that i mean if he is a breathing male human) then he would try to get you "in the mood" while you are sleeping. beware.

Moops said...

Just think of all the shit you can get away with! Feign ignorance and BLAME AMBIEN!

Amy said...

To hell with sleep driving and sex. I vote for housecleaning and laundry. And to not remember doing it when I wake up in the morning? It would be like Christmas every day.

Tiffany said...

Srsly. Why can't it be: pay your bills and clean the cat box. Ok, so I don't have a cat. But if I did, I'm sure I would love to not remember every time I had to clean it. Just sayin'...

Jen said...

Blame it on the A-a-a-a-ambien. ;)

Stephenie said...

That is hilarious! Yeah don't let your hubby see it, he'll definitely take advantage of it. :O)

Julie said...

wetting my pants over here! I have a friend who while she does not drive and have sex at least not that she has admitted to she does download ring tones for her ex hubs like I hate everything about you and then calls up people to let them know. While fully functional off meds she has no clue how to download a ringtone to her phone!

Jen said...

LOL!
Then again, maybe you don't want to remember that.

B.E.A said...

Hilariousness!!

Shaggs said...

R-Patz be warned!

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

ROTFLMLWBO ;) That is Histerical...Honestly, I can't click on this blog anymore, I am Never prepared. I need a go girl before I read...GOSH..can you send me one? PS, you might NOT remember sending it to me!!!

Bejewell said...

I don't take Ambien but that has never stopped me from blaming it for all the embarrassing stuff I do in the middle of the night. Like. Well. Nothing. I'm *sleeping* in the middle of the night. But if I WAS awake, you'd better believe I'd do some badass stuff and blame it on Ambien in the morning.

crazylife said...

Sue,
Not remember....
Just realize the horror if someone said that you drove to Vancouver had sex with Rob Pattinson!

crazylife said...

sorry I should have said HAD sex with Rob Pattinson

Spot said...

Wow. I took Ambien for awhile and sadly all I did at night was sleep. How very boring of me. Maybe I'll make something up and say I did it while taking Ambien just so I can be like everyone else. But not "sleep-driving" because I'd probably hit a deer and I don't think my insurance covers accidents you have while sleeping.

♥Spot

PS- what about "sleep-blogging"? Wonder how that would work out???

Megan said...

Don't you love a simple pill with crazy side effects? Like you wont pee yourself in public if you take this little blue pill, but in return for that you might have a stroke. It is like selling your soul to the devil for a little sleep!

SandyPie said...

We call that Ambienesia, I did some wierd things when i was taking that. Chatting on Facebook and saying mean bitchy things, repeatedly propositioning my poor sleeping hubs, walking the house, letting the dog out and forgetting them out there, and if I got a migraine in the middle of the night I'd just cry and rock, really loud like I was dying my poor hubs again had to deal with all that. So needless to say I don't take it anymore, Lunesta works better for me no crazies, no apoligizing, but I finally sleep.

Jarrard said...

OR you could give it to hubby and tell him he is the luckiest man alive and is getting it every night!! I'm making his appointment with the doctor now!

atiredwife said...

My mom was taking Ambien and I learned not to tell her anything in the evenings ... she didn't remember a thing!

Katie said...

Maybe we need to get your daughter to catch this on video and then we can 'silent film' you. :-)

our b life said...

Well , maybe the sex part isn't that bad.

Stereos and Souffles said...

Hilarious! And is it considered cheating if you do it in your sleep??

Michelle said...

Too funny!

Tenakim said...

your mom totally knew about the sleep driving and sex! How would the conversation with your assface GPS go if you were sleep driving? THAT could get ugly!

The Mayor said...

I only take 1/3 to 1/2 an Ambien, most nights. So please forgive me if I've ever posted something strange or twice on your site.

I wish I did the laundry on Ambien. I hate laundry.

tolu said...

oh my god those pills are scary!...

...i need some :-)

Wendy said...

that's totally true about the ambien. my hubs took some and didn't go to bed and acted SO weird. i was getting mad wondering just how much he had to drink that night and found out in the morning it was drugs. that's better...uh, right?

April said...

LOL! My doc gave me these at one time, too!! I never read the inserts ... too funny!!
If you are a Twilight fan, come check out my blog for an awesome giveaway!! :o)

mandatorybloghere said...

so in theory
i could take those pills
do as i please at night
and blame it on the drug
wooohooo

Xan said...

I was prescribed Ambien (by the hospital who claimed I wasn't really in labor and sent me home to get some rest) while in labor with my first child. I was walking around, half asleep, forgetting I was in labor but still in pain. Fun times, fun times.

Jungle007 said...

So how long 'til someone gets off for murder by using the ambien excuse??? I'm thinking it'll happen eventually.....
If I were prescribed these pills, I would defo be setting up a night-cam to see what I'm doing thru the night! :P

Christy Harris said...

Well....for heaven's sake...the laughs just keep coming!! DRIVING?????? HAVING SEX???? WITHOUT YOU KNOWING???

Does it say anything about cleaning up the entire freaking house while sleeping??? NO.....

Anything about doing 16 loads of laundry, folding it and putting it away while sleeping???? NO....

How about conferencng with kid's taeachers or having a bikini wax or chatting with boring neighbors?

No...

What the heck? :)

michelfirth said...

I have tried every prescription product on the market for insomnia and none of them worked; my cousin referred me to the web site narcomundo.com there I purchased a package of Somatize. I tried one serving and I was a sleep in 20 minutes and after using it for 3 nights I did not need it anymore. I am not joking!

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