Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Top 10 Things I'd Rather Be Doing Than Having Sex With David Letterman




#10. Watching my husband use his neti pot.


#9. Reading about how much money Dooce makes.


#8. Applying for a license replacement at the DMV with only 1 form of I.D.


#7. Trying to explain my computer problem to Dell phone support.


#6. Cleaning up kid vomit. The cherry-flavor Motrin kind.


#5.  Having to retrieve something from the disposal with gunk still in there.


#4. Attending school Bingo night without having wine first.


#3. Driving behind Captain Slow & Careful when I'm already late.


#2. Trying on bathing suits in any store with light bulbs.


and the #1 Thing I'd Rather be Doing Than Having Sex With David Letterman:




Having sex with Jay Leno.

51 comments:

Threeboys1mommy said...

Leno? Really? The poofy gray hair doesn't remind you of your grandma?

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

Captain Slow and Careful.... ha! Seems I'm always behind him!

I Am Boymom said...

Glad I'm not the only one who finds the thought of being with David Letterman repulsive.

prashant said...

The poofy gray hair doesn't remind you of your grandma?
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gert said...

Eeewww my brother-in-law has a neti pot. That's so gross and he looks like a total dork when he uses it.

But yeah, I totally agree.

♥Gert

Golden Girl {Kiki} said...

great list. i think i would do the same to avoid a tryst with letterman, but not numero uno. jay leno is one ugly duckling. his chin bothers me the most. i would have put jimmy, conan, and craig before jay. take care.

Anonymous said...

I love you-too funny, your old BFF Lynne

erin said...

HILARIOUS. Jay Leno is way grosser than Letterman. At least Letterman is funny.

I actually had a little crush on Letterman when I was younger.
He's not hot but he's rich. And funny. Did I mention the funny part?

Keyona said...

They are totally hot, what are you thinking? LOL!

Aria said...

It's a toss up. Leno's chin'd get in the way, but no gap-tooth-whistling during happy time like with Letterman. Besides, you forgot non-anesthetized root canal, wouldn't have been number 1, but it would have been in there.

mistress pink said...

OMG, this is so funny. I totally agree with you. There are so many other things you could be doing then doing him.

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Stereos and Souffles said...

Hmmm, I would choose Letterman over Leno...beauty is only a light switch away!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

EW....a neti pot!!!!
And Im with you...I'd pick Jay over Letterman. Its a personality thing.

foxy said...

OMG - that was PERFECT.

Anonymous said...

Very funny...as always! Usually I don't comment...but when I saw the BFF sign off from Lynne I had to- because I thought I was your BFF! Jackie

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious. And David Letterman's wife is so unattractive. He could have done better, guess he was trying to and gave up. LOL!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I got to say I'd rather have sex with Letterman than bingo without booze. But that's just me.

Shelley said...

Well, he's been with her for 23 years, so I guess he gave up in 1986.
Yeah, I'd totally pick Dave over Jay, but they're both a little old for me. I agree, Dave is actually funny.

debra said...

Too funny!

Denise Thomas said...

Must strongly disagree. If I had to chose it would definitely be Dave, even though he has a touch of skank. However, I would probably throw him over for Carson Daly, and does anyone remember Craig Claiborne? Delish. Oh, insomnia, I am your bitch.

Carri said...

I cant agree with the Leno thing but I do agree with most of he other's. I dont know how anyone could do Letterman but I guess to each their own. But just the thought grosses me out.

Mandy said...

That's hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

Lipstick said...

LMAO!!! One of your best Happy Hour Sue!!!

Mama Kat said...

Hmph.

I'd actually rather have sex with David Letterman.

This post is hilarious!

julyn said...

Ooohhhhh, iiicccckkkkk, there's a visual!

Miss Yvonne said...

Oh gross...the neti pot. That is about the most unsexy thing to watch someone use. It is, however, hilarious. Especially when it's your husband.

Ashlee said...

LOL! oh my god. I laughed so hard this morning! I'm officially following you. Only if you promise to be funny.. for forever. :) :)

Raine said...

HAHA Thats great!

kmoye said...

best top ten EVER! brilliant!

3 Peanuts said...

Very very good....you should send it to his show;)

Wendy said...

man, i'm glad i wasn't eating when i read this list. blech to all!

Geezees Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

Ewww, Leno grosses me out...I'll take Letterman! :)

obladi oblada said...

Lol...that was awesome.

our b life said...

This is too funny. I love the neti pot.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

The Neti-Pot....my Hubby uses one too. Ewww

I think I would take Leno over Letterman too!

robin said...

Number one totally cracked me up. Leno? Really? Between the huge chin that would get in the way EVERY which way and the squeaky prepubescent voice (shudder!) that would sound even worse during the throes I don't think I could stop laughing the entire time.
But at least you didn't say Paul Shaffer. (Ew)
PS- Long-time lurker, first time commenter. Hai!

the Mayor said...

You must have been driving behind my husband.

MM said...

Freaking hilarious!! Read it to my husband and we were both dying!!

Anonymous said...

Sue, if I had to choose Leno or Letterman...I choose watching you try on bathing suits with a light bulb! I am a little CREEPY that way.

FBF

Chris said...

Letterman could be gifted...Wtf is a neti-pot?

kyslp said...

This is hilarious! (I love my neti pot. I don't care how sexy it is.)

I'm using this prompt from Mama Kat's writing workshop.

Cat said...

LOL!! Great list!

Cathie said...

Snorting with laughter!

parentingBYdummies said...

Yours is so succinct! I had to Google how to spell that word so it's no wonder that mine is like four pages long! But, good idea. Thanks for loaning it to Mama Kat!

Anonymous said...

I'd do Letterman before Leno anyday, of the two he is way less disgusting.
I would have to be VERY drunk, though.

Anonymous said...

Ok, had to look up Neti Pot. Basically a Nasal Enema.

Now that is a little Creepy

Anonymous said...

What makes you think he'd be interested in sleeping with you?

HappyHourSue said...

Wow, "Anonymous"....someone got up on the wrong side of the internet...

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