Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dental Warrior

When I was a child, I had Lucifer as a dentist.

And my mother will tell you that absolutely was not his name. And I will tell her AGAIN that maybe his "Earthly pretend name" was something else, but it absolutely was The Dark Lord, Satan, Voldemort, whatever.

And he would drill our cavities WITHOUT NOVACAINE.

I really should have like a tooth tattoo with teardrops and "Never Forget" on my bicep so people "get" me.

So NOW to get a CLEANING I need to be drugged up on Xanax or I'll start having post-traumatic stress flashbacks worse than a Viet Nam vet.

So I go in today and the whole office treats me like a mental patient, and kind of herds me around like an elephant that's been shot with a tranquilizer gun.

But look! I did it. And I got a sticker.

Yay, me.

52 comments:

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

LOL! I was so riled up I didn't finish my first comment! I used to have the same problem with the dentist when I was a kid -- no novocaine. It was torture! I never realized anyone else had the same issue. My brother, sister and I used to bribe each other to "go first" during the dentist visit, because the longer we waited in the waiting room, the more nervous we got. I always got the cavities.

I am 43 and still hate the dentist -- even just a cleaning.

I tell my son that the dentist is "no big deal." Little does he know that his mother is a big, fat liar!

Tammy said...

OMG, I had a dentist like that too! What kind of sicko drills a kid's tooth without novocaine? 49 years old and I still get sick to my stomach when I go to the dentist.

Kell said...

im putting off the dentist as we speak. i have similar issues lol :-X i might have to do it now.. just for the sticker.

xoxo

Anonymous said...

The dentist did not put the sticker on you while under....????

feefifoto said...

When I was five the dentist was pulling one of my teeth. I don't remember if he used novocaine, but I do remember screaming in fear, and his yelling at me to shut up. In those days you didn't go running to Mommy tattling about how some grownup was mean to you, so I just took it. I hated him forever (still do, and I'm not even sure he's still alive), and I have had lifelong dentist anxiety. I feel your pain, literally.

Congratulations on the well-deserved sticker.

Cathie said...

I hate the dentist so much I have asked him point blank for dentures. Take out my natural teeth and give me dentures. He told me no, I think he wants my money b/c I ALWAYS have cavaties when I go.

CoffeeJitters (Judy Haley) said...

when I was growing up, my Dentists name was Dr. Paine. for reals.

and he lived up to his name.

I'm currently avoiding going to the dentist as well.

Melissa said...

I just had my wisdom teeth out and it was not bad, before I had them out my coworker told me how her dentist used a wooden stick and a hammer to crack her teeth!!!

I was a little scared after that! But it ended up being fine!

Keyona said...

I'm sure we had the same dentist! Glad you made it out safely!

Paige said...

I keep running across people who have dental fear --and it makes me glad that there is something in my life that is not jacked up! I ahve always had great dentists, so I am cool with them

But any excuse for Xanax is a good one, I say

Zwolsche Diva said...

That is a great picture of you, btw!

Kathy said...

Cripes. I don't get it. It's not like you're 80 years old. No Novocaine only a few decades ago? Your dentist was the devil all right. Congrats on the bravery sticker. You earned it.

Jarrard said...

My dentist gives me Valium to just get me through the door. She has also noticed that if you let me sit in the waiting room OR the dentist chair for longer than 5 minutes I will get up and leave..... I sent her a dozen roses after the first time she filled a cavity without me freaking out.
It's a love hate relationship.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this!! I thought I was the only one!! Although, my trauma came when I had to have a root canal, that they couldn't numb (because it was infected it wouldn't get numb) and they couldn't x-ray it to see if they got it all just kept poking around in it, and they couldn't give me ANY meds. Because I was pregnant. I would rather give birth to a 9 lb 11 oz baby than get a dental cleaning. Unless they dope me up REALLY good with valium and happy gas. OMG I can't tell you how much I HATE going to the dentist!!!

Anonymous said...

I should've added that they need to dope me up with the valium and happy gas for the entire week before the appointment. Or I'll find an excuse to cancel.

roy/elisabeth dean said...

It's so weird that so many women have had the same problem with dentists! I called mine Beelzebub! He was a drunk!
My dentist understands and gives me the laughing gas just for cleaning! I guess satanic dentists were fairly common back in the day~

Stereos and Souffles said...

Last time I was at the dentist I started nervously asking him questions like, "Why did you become a dentist? Did you know they have a really high suicide rate because everyone hates them?" I'm probably not his favorite patient.

Loveable Loser said...

HHS,

It is funny cause it is sooooo true. Nice Pic by the way.

Hope this brings a Smile.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921700

Jax said...

I with ya!! My Dentist gives me gas for cleaning & they don't even ask anymore :)

Anonymous said...

Did you grow up in a little town in PA? We had the worst dentist and I am still so nervous. I always cancel my appointments with imagined illnesses, and it takes three tries to talk myself into going. The dentist always laughs and tells me that I survived.

Bad Christy said...

I had a former Marine Corp dentist for a dentist. He kind of sort of would use novacaine but only if you started screaming first. And then if you didn't stop screaming/crying he threatened to slap you. True!! But then you got some sort of piddly ass prize at the end of it if you didn't squirm too much.

I fantasized about strapping him down and drilling his freaking teeth without novacaine. I was a teenager before I got the courage to tell my mom what he was like and asked to go to a different dentist. The new one used that funny gas. I was sort of cool with dentists after that. But only if they'll gas me.

Cassie said...

We must've gone to the same dentist because I never received Novocaine as a child either! I'm from WV, so I just figured it was the "backwoods" way of doing things!

Travelbug Mom said...

OMG!! I can so relate! Love your blog!

The Mayor said...

What a sadistic bastard. Shame on all of them in these comments. It makes me wonder what kind of baloney my kids have put up with over the years without telling me.

Spot said...

Um...I'm so not afraid of the dentist. I didn't even have a cavity until I was 35. I did have an infected wisdom tooth when i was pregnant and they couldn't give me painkillers, just antibiotics. The dentist thought I was really stoic. Little did he know I'd be birthing a 10lb baby (breech) 6 weeks later.

But if I'd known that they would give you xanax or happy gas or valium if they thought you were petrified...I'd have been faking it a long time ago!!!

Sorry for your horrible experiences and very real fear...but thanks for the tip! Muahahaha...

♥Spot

McMommy said...

I was set to make a dentist-y comment and then I saw your picture.

DAMN YOUR TONED ARMS FOR MAKING ME HEAD TO THE GYM RIGHT NOW AT 8:07AM!!!!!!!

p.s. If I work out really hard, do you think I can get your arms in time for Halloween?

Wendy said...

yay, you!

my childhood dentist scared the crap out of me when i was wimpering/crying after he used a needle and he grabbed my arm and whisper/shouted thru his teeth "stop it! you're scaring the other patients!".

true story. love the xanax.

Swirl Girl said...

We had a dentist when I was a kid who was like the one in Little Shop of Horrors. I need to take valium , to be really drunk, and smoke some crack before I go.

Anonymous said...

The no novacaine didn't bother me then or now. I usually ask if there will be root involvement & if not I'll opt for no novacaine. My kids who've had fillings also have not gotten the shot.
Butttt...that being said, my dentist when I was little would place my hand on the inside of his thigh to 'pinch' if it hurt and he'd stop. Freaking perv....now that me and my sisters are all grown up we realized how twisted the thigh thing really was

Marinka said...

You are not only brave, you are a hero. A true American hero. I wouldn't be surprised if you showed up on some currency soon.

Shannon said...

Yep, I had a satanical dentist when I was a kid, too... he didn't use Novacaine, either. Just pressure points.

Is it any wonder that as an adult, I now use a dentist who does "sedation dentistry"?!

Jenni Jiggety said...

My dentist's name is Dr. Demented. I hate him and I am pretty sure he isn't exactly in LOVE with me, either...

Threeboys1mommy said...

I'm so proud of you Sue, I bet you'll get a shiny new tooth brush with your sticker next time, if you wear the black tank with the deep v ;-)

Merrie said...

That's no joke, though! My dad was traumatized as a kid by a dentist who actually climbed on top of him to HOLD HIM DOWN. Now he has a dentist that is very slow and gentle. OTherwise this 6'5" giant will drop him like a mofo. lol
Yay you!

A Real Housewife said...

Since I'm only recently following this blog of yours, I'm catching up on all your posts. LAUGHING. OUT. LOUD. Thanks for making my work day better!!!

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