Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Duggars. Again.

Um.......OK.

The Duggars have announced they're expecting their 19th child.

NINETEENTH child.


Now. Before all you "Anonymous"s get all jacked up and start composing your "every child is a gift" comments let me say: Settle down.

SETTLE DOWN.

This is not a judgement on Michelle and Jim-Bob.

I just think...Michelle maybe needs a little help - girl-to-girl - on saying... "NO".



And so I have composed a list of excuses for her to use, when the situation arises (that's you, Jim-Bob).


#1. I have a headache.

#2. I have to wash my hair.

#3. I have to style my hair into a poufy mullet.

#4. I have swine flu.

#5. I'm gay.

#6. One of our 19 children might hear us.

#7. There are no more names that start with 'J' left.

#8. My lady-ness is stretched out to the size of a Hyundai.


Just sayin'.

You're welcome.




61 comments:

Scary Mommy said...

Seriously-- can you imagine her lady parts?! How can he even *want* any of that?! The whole thing just grosses me out. Hate to judge, but it does. Gag.

Elisa, The Unlikely Housewife said...

Just wait until they have to deal with all their girl's PMSs at once. Then they'll get why we are saying they are nuts.
Crazy people.

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

I can barely handle my ONE kid..... it amazes me that they are debt-free! But they really do need some cooler clothes!

Miss Emily said...

I'd like to just repeat the poster or whatever it was you posted about them way earlier: It's a vagina, not a clown car.

Homeboy needs to learn how to take care of business by himself. Or they need to introduce themselves to some baby preventers.

You would think, with all those kids, that would be birth control enough.

The Mayor said...

I say, let's bring back masturbation. I have a large family myself but I just don't understand how a woman with that many babies could possibly have time for sex.

Blue Mom said...

Okay, so I'm one of 13 myself (# 12to be exact) but I STILL think this woman is crazy.

And the list is hysterical.

Funny stuff.

Blue Mom said...

PS: My husband is a classical musician, so that photo you have posted is like his wet, sloppy dream, but I STILL draw the line at two.

19.

No. Freaking. Way.

I'll take hell, thanks.

Laura said...

Too funny. I remember the comedian Carlos Mencia (who is #17 of 18) saying that by the time he came along, his mother's lady parts were like a slip and slide...

A Wedding Story said...

When your first grandchild is due before your baby, that might be your sign. As in to stop!

GirlyMommas said...

This was one funny post my friend, bordering on hysterical. I have been searching for blogs I'd want to read regularly (and have been having a little trouble). I'll have to add you to the list.

LilSass said...

For REALZ! Having sex with her must be like throwing a golf ball down a hallway - bouncing off the walls with all that room!

{Kiki} said...

great post and list. 19 kids is crazy, but to each his/her own, right? i can barely handle one. michelle and jim-bob have said they will keep having children as long as God allows. i think they are going for 20, but maybe this bun in the oven will be two buns. take care.
-kiki

Drowsey Monkey said...

Ugh - these people freak me out. There's something not psychologically sound there - or they they don't know sex can cause pregnancy.

debra said...

Too funny. I blogged about this yesterday, too. I am just amazed. And I know she had just given birth in the photo with Jim Bob she looks really tired - wonder why? It's only going to get worse...

The Mom Jen said...

When do...how can...what does it feel...UGH, nevermind, better her than me!

Natali said...

Just found your blog, can't remember how- but glad I did! You've given me my laugh of the day, plus some to carry me through next week too :-)

lindy said...

sometimes my 6 pound dog is too much for me to handle. 19 kids. holy crapo!

Frau said...

Seriously!! 19!! Crazy all I have to say Crazy!

Kurt said...

Her vagina is like a clown car.

Nic said...

#8 = Ouch!!

Jim Bob said...

I hate to break it to you, but there's going to be another one.

On the 20th child, we get free ice cream at the Dairy Queen. For life.

kmoye said...

#9 No, number 18 is still attached to my boob.

Jaci said...

Oh, girl, you are going to stir the crazies! There are some seriously warped people who love the Duggars and search blogs looking for posts about them.

I wrote a post about her and her poofy hair over a year ago, and the crazies would stumble upon it and tear into me for daring to make fun of their Role Model at least once a month.

Denise Thomas said...

Well, I am not annonymous, and this sure as shoot IS a judgement on these freaks. Yeah, you heard me America: they are FREAKS. And p.s. what's with the homely people having all the sex? I'm good looking and I'm not seeing as much action. Maybe that's why I am YELLING.

Lindsey said...

#9. I'm getting tired of you pointing that thing at me.

Cassie said...

I totally did a post about them too. But yours is way funnier... You Suck :oP J/K

Anonymous said...

HHS,

First of all, congrats and let's hope the child is healthly.

May I suggest she does not need excuses...she needs another hobby!

One that gets her off her back, knees, swing ...what ever... and out of the house!

1. Do public service announcements...you could do several bloggs on that alone

2. Landscaping....give Mother Earth a hand!

3. Build model planes or cars...use that glue your sniffing for something else!

4. Commercials....Mattresses come to mind

5. Bird watching....she might learn something from a little swallow!

Tenakim said...

WAIT- I just got an email form a friend that says they're having a contest to pick a "J" name for the kid- How about Jasectomy- boy/girl/subliminal message

Erin said...

Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway...

Stereos and Souffles said...

It's time to put the girl Duggars to work. You've heard of the new kids pole kit right?

Keyona said...

Is there a right way to respond? Just stop it already. I don't even know how her uterus can hold another child!

Lindy said...

Really? Who provides this woman with health coverage?

Clearly, this company, is losing money.

Jen said...

I hope that she will take this to heart and learn from it. Either that or I hope that menopause hits her early. I mean come on people.

Pink Velvet Mommy said...

sorry more sperm than brains going on in that house!!! just saying

Zwolsche diva said...

Ghehehe.. He might think she is seducing him, styling her poufy mullet..

Aleta said...

19.... 1.9. I mean... who has time to you know what with 19 to raise???

Pink in a sea of blue said...

Hilarious post. Really birth control is needed and you know at least 1 or 2 of the babies were probably in the room when #19 was conceived (crib). Pouffy mullet cracked me up.

Shelley said...

I suggested on my blog a couple of days ago that they should just call the kid Number Nineteen, like that one girl on House that they call Thirteen. Seriously, are there any "J" names left? And the really fun part is that they're going to be grandparents before Number Nineteen comes along. I wonder which letter the oldest boy and his wife will pick to start all their kids' names? Because I think "J" is sort of tapped out.

Aria said...

Seriously, don't even want to know about the family dynamic where the niece will graduate everything before the aunt... just sayin'. And you're wrong, there is one more J name left... "Jiminy-effing-crickets-how-the-hell-did-I-manage-to-get-knocked-up-again" Oh, and by now Mama-Reproduction-Duggar should be able to call the Pope, and be all, c'mon Dude, can I get a Papal Dispensation so I can get some birth control going in this house now without going to Hell? I mean, honestly, are they trying to populate their own small hick town? Duggarville, all new residents must have astronomical sperm counts and a desire to be pregnant at least enough times to be in double digits, cause that's how we roll in Duggarville.

BacktoBarnwell said...

Hahahahaha, that is HILARIOUS! Do you have any excuses for my Pre-Calculus professor to use next time her brain tells her to breathe in and breathe out?

And can you imagine all 19 of those kids trying to put their ears up to the door to listen in on them doing the dirty?

I just hope her down there hair doesn't look as bad as her up here hair.

Poefam said...

I just commented on your "Twilight" blog about Muffin Tin Munchies! :)

Lipstick said...

Some geneticist or better yet...psychiatrist should study those folks. I am oddly intrigued though.

Anyway, hell-this is one hysterically funny post!

Anonymous said...

I'm only anoynomous because I can't physically log in right now. Ugh!

That family has a few screws loose. Actually, more than a few. She has time to be on her back making more babies because the olders raise the youngers, and life goes on. Those kids should NOT have to be responsible for younger siblings round the clock. Mommy and Daddy should step in and do more of it than what they do.

Statistically speaking, if you go based on one in every... They have a lesbian, gay, rapist, murderer, suicide, etc in that family. Sad, but unfortunatley true.

The GOOD thing for this family (as I'm always about balance) is that they are not on government aide. They don't get state assistance, food stamps, wic, or medicaid. So regardless of who their insurance is, at least they aren't causing their state extra money.

It's also nice to see they prepare their children for the real world. Teaching them about cars, changing oil, cooking, budgeting, etc... Just sayin.

So anyone wanna take a vote on who gets married next?

Michelle said...

I am going to go against the crowd and say I like their show.

Sure it's different. I sure as heck would not have 19 kids but who am I to judge. They can afford it financially and the children seem well taken care. Michelle also seems extremely patient on the show which amazes me because I have a difficult time always being patient with three kids.

The commentor who posted as Jim Bob about the free Dairy Queen, freaking hilarious!

Bangs said...

19 kids!! I am suprise she isn't carrying her uterus around in her purse by now.

Wendi said...

The reason this upsets me so much is because the odds are now 10-1 that one of my boys will be married to either a Duggar or a Gosselin because they are repopulating the planet.

And those aren't genes I want swimming in my pool.

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Can you imagine what her breasts looks like from nursing 18 kids! What about when she was riding on a float in the parade at Dollywood and nursing? I'm all for nursing but on a float in a parade?

Maureen said...

I am shocked. Why? Because apparently, I never expect the obvious. Another baby? Enough!

Mommy Pastrami said...

This post (and all of the comments) is the funniest thing that I have read in a while!

Shaggs said...

Just putting it out there - be careful what you say - by the year 2020 we're all going to be related to them, I'm just saying....

Shaggs said...

Oh and one more thing - My friends mum had 11 babies and her lady parts came out with the last one - whats keeping this ladies lady parts in? A "laying on of hands" for the pelvic floor perhaps?

Shaggs said...

Oh - and for the aussies out there - can you imagine the baby bonus' and family assistance payments!!!! Freaking hell, you'd be loaded!!! For all of you unfortunate enough to not be aussie - for every baby we have we get $5000 tax free cash in hand straight up plus we get money every week just for being a family (there is a means test but its quite generous most people get a little something or some nice tax breaks or cheaper child care) "Australians all let us rejoice cause we can have 19"

Preppy Sue said...

Just found your blog and I'm LOL! It's true, they need to stop!

Jennifer said...

Perhaps she styled the puffy mullet as a way of trying to prevent him from wanting to have sex with her. Obviously, it failed, but I can see the logic in it.

Oliver said...

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Smart A$$ Mom said...

Dear Mrs.Duggar-

It's a VAGINA. Not a clown car.

Thatisall.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

fuuuuck. Did 30 other people not just say that?

Ugh. Sorry for being redundant, for like the 19th time.

Rachel said...

I'm grossed out by this family. yuck. Do people actually defend their right to have 20 million kids?!?

Ev said...

I'm just wondering why we all feel so threatened by this family? Yeah for sure- personally I cannot even fathom BEARING that many children, let alone being financially and emotionally stable enough to pull off raising them all- but clearly these people have it all worked out! These children are OBVIOUSLY well loved and cared for- so who are we to judge?

Katie said...

I laughed out loud at the list.

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