Sunday, April 19, 2009

Open Letter to the Weeds

(Yes, I did post this last April. Still applies.)








April 20


Dudes.

What the hell.

Do we have to go through this every year? It's the first warm day of the year, I go out to my front walk and you're all: "We're here and we're ready to party".

Didn't I make my intentions clear last year? Don't you remember the RoundUp, the WeedBGone, the weeding pail, the sweating?

Don't you see how we keep repeating old patterns? You show up, I kill you. You show up again, I kill you again. What part of "I will kill you" do you not understand?

Don't you have any dignity? Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed for you. By the way, The Mulch totally agrees with me.

So, I'd appreciate it if we could just get on with our lives.

As we used to say in sorority rush, I think you'd be happier at another house.


- Sue

p.s. do not text me.

24 comments:

Dugout Daisy said...

HAHAHA!
I sent this to my mom because she has the same relationship with weeds! She loved it!!! :D

p.s. I did find my very own Jake Ryan!!! I'm seriously SO in love!!!
http://dugoutdaisy.blogspot.com/2009/03/swoon.html

Mrs. Newlywed said...

The benefits of renting an apartment.

Someone else gets to be frustrated with the weeds while I get to spend the time I would be dealing with them drinking wine and watching reality tv.

I have priorities you know.

the sweetest girl you know said...

I love the letter! I had a similar conversation with our weeds just last week, but haven't listened. They are about to get faced with chemical warfare, though!

ChocDrop said...

I agree with you, but I have to share my revelation about this subject.

The weeds are really 'demon teenagers'!!! No matter how many times you talk to them they still continue. Remember back then you were invincible and you would rise back up from anything.

I hope my revelation gives you some insight. You know next year there will be a new set of 'demon teenagers' ready to put up a fight.....lol

Rene said...

OMG -- I'm peeing my pants reading this and laughing so hard!!

ps...WA rocks -- thanks for turning me on to it!

*jimaie.marie* said...

This is only thing that makes me happy i'm living in an apartment right now...
omg. did i just say i was HAPPY to be living in an apartment? I LIED!!!
SEND ME YOUR WEEDS! only because it will mean i'm living in a HOUSE again.

Casey said...

Too funny!

I'm not a gardener at all. I have metal flowers in my flower beds. Much easier than real ones. They just need to be rinsed off every once in a while.

Christina said...

Wow... Sounds like you've been practicing on them weeds. You must be a Pro now. Come on by my house and show off your handy work. I have plenty of weeds that need pulling. My mulch is starting to get pissed. ;-)

jill jill bo bill said...

Hee Hee!! I listened and obeyed. Your interview was wonderful. I sort of ad-libbed our relationship... love ya!!!!

Jenny Angelici said...

I hear you. I think I need to have the talk with my weeds again. Why do these uninvited guests keep showing up?

Jillian said...

SUUUUUE, will you please link me? http://blueshelled.com? Or at least take your happy ass over and read me?

I will send karma towards your weeds. ;)

Angela said...

oh my goodness.

you crack me up every time.

Michelle said...

I was feeling that same way this weekend.

Any tricks?

Lindy said...

I have told my husband MANY times that people make their living by killing and pulling weeds. We (and by we I mean me) should not take this away from them. How will their families eat?

Anonymous said...

Sue,

There was a knock at my door this morning.

I answered it, at at first there was no one there...until I looked down and there was this pitiful looking weed that was all beat up.
It had a sign clutched in its little weed hands..."Looking for a good Home!"

It has now found a good home...in the after life.

Erin said...

love it. too funny!

Miss Yvonne said...

I wrote the same letter to my weeds, except I added "I'm totally sending the boy out there to kill you this year, and he will not be gentle like I am. He is 17 years old and impatient and will RIP YOUR HEAD OFF without a thought."

Miss M.J. Ma'am said...

Ha! You are too funny! Please forward that letter to all my weeds. I said please! I want them gone!

Natalie said...

i am so with you on the weed thing. they have to go. it's time!

J.Danger said...

I am so sorry that it still applies! Damn you weeds!

J.Danger said...

I am so sorry that it still applies! Damn you weeds!

K'man said...

Weeds to you -
what part of "didn't kill me" haven't you figured out, yet?
See you next month.
Good luck with the daffodils.

Rachael said...

I can totally relate, especially when my tenants move out and leave all the weeds for me!

BOSSY said...

Yeah, but Mulch is two-faced.