Monday, April 21, 2008

The "Baby Weight"

So I'm still trying to lose the Baby Weight. Which is not going so well, as the baby is in first grade. 

I maintain, however, that this 20 pounds is, in fact, "baby weight" because I have photos of myself after my first child, happily back at my pre-pregnancy weight, sportin' a bikini and sippin' a Zima without a clue as to what was to come with baby #2. And I do blame the baby. Babies = fat. Show me one NutriSystem "before" photo woman without  a baby on her lap. They're like little "fat fairies". Then they're the first ones to call you out on your mommy fatness. As soon as they can talk they're all, "Mommy! Those underpants are too small for your butt!" Great. Mommy used to rock a thong before you came to town, junior.

And so begins the endless progression of diets over the years: Atkins/South Beach/Zone/Cabbage Soup/Master Cleanse/Skinny Bitch/Slim Fast....I'm thinking of starting all over again and kickin' it Old School with Scarsdale. And Tab. Maybe buy Jim Fixx's running book.

Which brings me to working out. Yes, I am willing to work out. No, I will not go with you to any class that evolved after 1990. I will not go to Spinning. Or Power Yoga, Hatha Yoga, or 100 degree heat yoga. I will not go to Pilates, Yoga-Lates or Balletone.
No, I will not "love it". I don't care about my "core". I am an 80's high-impact girl. Bring on the electronic dance mix and the shin splints. I do a wicked turn-step and 3-knee repeater. That is, unless it's one of those days when I'm "too fat to go to the gym".

I still have all my old bikinis. They're all packed away in the back of my closet, replaced by "Miraclesuits" and swim skirts. No doubt they'll still be there when I'm 70 and the baby is 37. Maybe then I'll concede that the baby weight is here to stay. This is how you'll know: ask me what I'd like for a cocktail. If I say "Captain Morgan and Diet Coke", shoot me.


Someone blind said...

I was just randomly reading blogs to relax before an exam and found your blog hilarious yet, something I can definitely relate to with the whole "loosing that extra pound on your butt, stomach, arm, heck everywhere!" . Through I am going through a freshman 20, let me know which diet - exercise works out.


Your blog is pretty funny and I know how it feels to try to lose a load of horrible weight - I've been trying for ages to lose one dress size (1 dress size, that's all!) and I'm failing. Feel like I haven't even lost a pound!
Anyway, love the blog!

Anonymous said...

were you thinking of PV when you said captains and diet coke?

Deanna said...

(Munching on a Reese's PB Cup...) You said it sister!

Brooke said...

shin splints and three knee repeater.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!