Monday, August 16, 2010

Twitter Recap











If you're not following me on Twitter, this is what you've missed. Honestly, I don't know how you function.



I strongly disagree with the river tubing company's giant sign. Alcohol and tubing DO mix.
2:21 PM June 28th via Twhirl


9 year old : "How do people with afros wear helmets?"
3:30 PM July 5th via Twhirl


Our fireworks were so kickass last night that the dog ran away overnight.
8:03PM July 5th via Twhirl


Summer homework is such a f*cking buzzkill
10:45 PM July 18th via Twhirl


OOooh. Hot guy just ran up my cul-de-sac. How fast can I make a lemonade stand.
10:45 AM July 19th via Twhirl


BlogHer just suspended my ads for lack of posting. Feel like a grounded teenager. I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN! Or something.
6:20 PM July 19th via Twhirl


How completely epic would it be if Kevin Costner does, in fact, save the Gulf.
6:24 PM July 20th via Twhirl


Teen: "She's not texting me back." Me: "Why don't you call her house?" Teen: "That's weird."
7:53 PM July 23rd via Twhirl


My muffler just fell off. Or my tailpipe. It's a rusty metal tubey-thingy. Do I need it?
4:25 PM July 25th via Twhirl


9 year old: "Do all the astronauts on the moon live together?'
9:39 AM Aug 3rd via Twhirl


True story: Trainer just texted me: "Sorry I called your shoulders 'old pieces of meat'. I apologize."
2:03 PM Aug 11th via Twhirl


OK people, I have a petition here for the kids to go back to school a week early. Who's with me.
11:23 AM August 13th via Twhirl


These kids are so far up my ass I feel like I'm giving birth.
11:25 AM August 13th via Twhirl


OK this is an opening line you never wanna hear: "Mom? you know that green plastic stuff Ziggy threw up yesterday?..."
10:25 AM August 15th via Twhirl


"....now there's a string of it coming out of her butt." FML.
10:26 AM August 15th via Twhirl

23 comments:

♥ Kathy said...

You are my twitter hero ♥ LOL

Shelley said...

Are they kidding? Alcohol and tubing are like love and marriage...you can't have one without the other. (Imagine Frank Sinatra was singing that. Or whoever sang that song.)

I voted for the kids to go back to school three weeks ago. No one listened. One more week to go here. Rum + Xanax = I just might make it.

scargosun said...

Ok, I am following you on Twitter. Say something funny.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

I had to let go of twitter. My tweets got their asses handed to them by YOUR tweets.

So. I really rely on these recaps.
And you, do too. Because sometimes there's really nothing good to post about...

side note-
you think anyone wants to hear the gory details of a hot brazilian wax? i smell a poll!

Lisa-licious said...

I think alcohol goes with most everything! Tubing, included!

If I love you, and I do, and I love your tweets, then you are my "tweet-heart"!

I STILL haven't recovered from BlogHer!!

Susie Q said...

I'm hoping Ziggy is your peg and not your kid! T

handstowar said...

Now following. Just wanted to let you know.

kokolo said...

姊夫在內地包二奶,我們建議大姊趕緊大陸抓姦
但是大姊一直顧慮而遲遲不願意大陸抓姦...
原本姊夫一個月都會回台灣一次,現在卻已經好幾個月沒有回家了;
面對這情形,大姊終於下定決心委託徵信社大陸抓姦
半個月後徵信社成功的大陸抓姦,姊夫也因為心虛理虧而與二奶分手了;
經過大陸抓姦的事件之後,大姊夫妻的關係總算是穩定下來了!

kokolo said...

現在很多徵信公司標榜女子偵探女子偵探真的有比較好嗎?
其實女性本身具有體貼、細心的特質,
能夠觀察得更細微,女子偵探不僅能夠讓委託人更加信賴,
經過專業訓練的女子偵探破案能力更是一流!
也難怪,現在許多委託人都指定想要女子偵探服務!

kokolo said...

外遇---偷來的時間、偷來的伴侶、偷來的愛情
或許新鮮刺激,或許瘋狂美好,但這一切,終究是偷來的…
外遇傷害了一個幸福的家庭
或許你會說:問題其實早已存在,外遇並不是傷害的唯一因素
但是內心深處其實你知道,這只是外遇的藉口!
建築在傷害別人之下所得到的愛情,終究難以幸福…

kokolo said...

外遇蒐證需要技巧,錯誤的外遇蒐證可能會打草驚蛇,
不合法的外遇蒐證行為更可能讓您吃上官司!
外遇蒐證問題您需要專家的協助,
專家為您合法又確實外遇蒐證

kokolo said...

老公總是說他在加班,但是薪水卻沒有相對的增加,反而支出變得更多,
於是我開始展開外遇調查行動;
我趁著老公睡覺的時候,先對手機進行外遇調查看是否有不尋常的通話,
沒想到手機竟然設定密碼!
於是我外遇調查的行動只好轉向發票明細,
果真,飲料與食物常常都是買兩人份的,我還看到了溫泉旅店的發票!
種種外遇調查的結果,讓我知道老公果然偷吃;
雖然外遇調查讓我知道老公外遇,但是我明白如果戳破反而可能弄巧成拙,
於是我請好友夫妻製造在旅店巧遇的假象,讓老公心虛的自己結束外遇!

kokolo said...

許多人的婚姻因為伴侶的外遇而殘缺不全,
於是許多人只能夠藉由抓姦來保障自己,
專業徵信人員針對不忠伴侶進行外遇蒐證,
並依照您的需求進行抓姦行動;
確定適當時機時,會與您一同報案,
尋求警方共同抓姦,我們合法對外遇對象進行抓姦
外遇抓姦問題,讓我們給您最專業服務!

kokolo said...

婚外情究竟是一時的慾望,或婚外情者是一種相見恨晚的愛情?
許多有婚外情的人總是為自己的錯誤的行為尋找合理藉口,
然而真正負責的愛情是不應該建築在別人的痛苦之上!
不能否認的是,許多有婚外情的人總是認為因為自己的婚姻原本就已經存在問題,
然而不可否認的是,大部分的人提出離婚,都是在有了婚外情之後...!

kokolo said...

婚前徵信是降低離婚率的最好方法!
人難免都想要在情人面前表現出最好的一面,
因此許多婚前以為是天造地設的一對,
婚後才發現對方的真面目而離婚;
這就是因為沒有做婚前徵信的緣故!
婚前徵信可以幫助您更了解對方,
婚前徵信可以告訴您對方隱藏的缺點,
婚前徵信更可以讓您知道所有您想知道的事情;
想要結婚嗎?讓婚前徵信為您的婚姻做把關!

kokolo said...

面對伴侶通姦,能維護權益的只有您自己!
您可以選擇對通姦伴侶與第三者一起提告,
或者選擇只告通姦其中一人,
然而如果你什麼都不做,
那麼您的權益只會被漠視!
面對伴侶通姦,您不該姑息,
勇敢站出來,給通姦的人應得懲罰!

kokolo said...

感情挽回需要技巧,大吵大鬧只會把他往第三者推去!
感情挽回需要針對伴侶個性、夫妻問題解決、擊退第三者等方向一一解決,
感情挽回的問題讓專家提供專業協助;
豐富感情挽回經驗、體貼細心諮詢服務,
為您找到正確方法、成功感情挽回

kokolo said...

徵信的專業責任是協助委託人解決困難,社會上很多不平之事,
例如丈夫外遇甚至逼迫太太離婚,此時就可以尋求徵信的協助;
徵信不僅能夠協助您抓姦蒐證外遇證據,
徵信更可以協助您解決後續談判或者是訴訟的問題。
當您面臨各種問題時,歡迎您與我們徵信公司聯絡!

kokolo said...

優質徵信協會為您介紹合法徵信社!
徵信協會不僅可以提供委託前的各種諮詢服務、介紹優質業者,
徵信協會更可以在您面臨糾紛時協助您調解!
想要找徵信社卻擔心被當肥羊坑嗎?
徵信協會為您介紹誠信業者!
當您面臨各種委託、糾紛等徵信問題時,
徵信協會給您最公正的協助!

kokolo said...

網路上徵信社如此之多,又該怎樣知道是否合法?
網頁作的美觀的徵信社並不代表實際規模,
為有實際走一遭,親眼所見才是最真實的!
不要單憑網頁上的資料就輕易委託徵信社
那麼您極有可能落入不肖徵信社的陷阱!
想要選擇徵信社,還是選擇老字號徵信社,最有保障!

kokolo said...

顫抖著手,我拿不穩那份薄薄的離婚協議書
早知道他的出軌,癡心的守候最後他終究還是想要離婚
朋友勸我抓姦,但是我擔心他一氣之下會決裂的提出離婚要求
我愛他,願意作出一切只為挽回
所以我等、我默不吭聲、我在他面前強顏歡笑
多少夜裡,他用敷衍的藉口不歸
而我假裝相信,卻淚濕了枕頭...
顫抖著手,我拿不穩那份薄薄的離婚協議書
啞著聲音,我告訴他我絕對不會離婚去成全他們
只是,我不知道不離婚,懲罰的是他們,還是我自己...

akindlinghome said...

You consistantly make me laugh out loud and I just realized that I've never commented on your blog.

So um, hi. I'm delurking. Also, you are on my Link Love page on my blog, which is essentially my blogroll.

Susie Q said...

WHERE ARE YOU? I need a good belly laugh! PLEEEEEZE come back soon!