Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Supersize Me











OK. I hate to cook. There it is.

Hate it, hate it, hate the mess, hate the cleanup, hate all of it.

When you look up my blogger profile you won't find that my other blog is "Happy Hour Sue In The Kitchen!". (but do feel free to enjoy "Inappropriate Twilight Obsession".

So every time my husband goes away on business, I take a cooking vacation. Culinary outsourcing. EVERY time. Lazy, party of 1. 'Cause that's how I roll.

Whether it's one night or five, you're more likely to find a pygmy stripper playing Dance Dance Revolution in my kitchen than a warm fry pan.

(whoa- I can't seem to shake that visual...)

Anyway. Of course I always get busted when my husband calls.

Husband: Hey! What're you guys doing?
Me: Oh you know, same old.- Gettin' ready for dinner...
Husband: Yeah? What's for dinner?
Me: What?
Husband: What's for dinner?
Me: Don't let the dog get that!!! Sorry. Stupid dog.
Husband: What're you making?
Me: Oh! Tonight? The kids wanted Taco Bell....
Husband: Didn't you do Burger King last night?
Me: What?
Husband: Didn't you just have Burger King?
Me: What? No. Oh! Yeah. We were out.
Husband: Out?
Me: Yeah. Out....getting Burger King.
Husband: (sighs) Are they getting ANY vegetables this week?
Me: Totally. Monday we had Subway.
Husband: Collin has onions, Lorelei likes it plain and Brie has bacon.
Me: Oh shoot! The toilet's overflowing!
Husband: Just make 'em some pasta or something tomorrow...
Me: Right. Or pizza. Probably pasta. Italian for sure.

26 comments:

The Mom Jen said...

Pizza sauce totally has....umm...like 93 servings of vegetables in it or something, that's what I heard! Or was it 93% cholesterol...the first one, the first one!

William said...

See, I knew to ask you about what's for dinner! I take it you got the Jonas Brother cardboard crowns from BK over the summer, then?

Cathie said...

This is why the people over at V8 invested fruit fusion....the only way I can get veggies in my kids.

Or give them a chewy vitamin....it is all good!

bethany said...

Sounds like my mom when I was growing up... Though she can make a really good meatloaf and good salmon patties, she is also a woman that burned a pot roast. In a crockpot.

Grove Designs Co, aka Kriskropmemories said...

Oh that is too funny! After having my house up for sale for a year and eating nothing but takeout I am happy to have my kitchen back, however there are those days when the drive thru window is yelling my name.
Enjoy :)

Frau said...

Sounds like my husband when he travels all up in my business of health and nutrient bed times etc..

Heather said...

Heh. I do the same thing, though I don't mind cooking. I just prefer being lazy when Hubby's not home for dinner. The kid and I tend to have "breakfast for dinner" on those nights, or if I'm feeling *really* ambitious, I'll toaster-oven her up some chicken dinosaurs and nuke her one of those steamable bags o' veggies and then *I* will have a nice, hot bowl of popcorn after she's gone to bed (so she's not around to narc on me).

And amen to the lovely people over at V8!!

Jenny said...

I am SO right there with you. I actually like cooking, but it just isn't practical. :) Booger King, anyone???

Anonymous said...

http://www.thetelegraph.com/articles/five-29801-recipes-ingredients.html

Anonymous said...

www.pigmylovecircus.com

Kurt said...

I dreamt someone put a pygmy stripper in my kitchen, because a dream is a wish your heart makes.

Heidi said...

OMG.. I do the same thing. I like cooking but NOT EVERY DAY.. and I hate the clean up. So when my man travels.. we eat out or the kids get sandwiches... but the stove stays clean!

Shelley said...

Pigmy love circus?? I want to visit the website, yet I'm scared.

I'm not so fond of cooking either, which is probably why we have the same five meals every week.

roy/elisabeth dean said...

I love to cook, but I have a 16 year old daughter who lately hates everything except gummi bears! My hubby is too sick to eat most of the time, so I'm going thru cooking DT's. I spent the last couple of days with my daughter (who hates to cook) and ended up cooking 5 complete meals for her and 5 for her neighbor to keep in their freezers!
It's the only domestic thing I can do....I detest cleaning, am not crafty, can't sew......
♥,Lilly

Marybeth Poppins said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marybeth Poppins said...

Pizza Hut has some GREAT pasta dishes....just saying....

Rachel said...

LOL... um hilarious! I just posted last night on my lack of desire in the kitchen. :)

MrsSki said...

I hate cooking. But then I get tired of eating out. So we'll go to the grocery and buy all this food and it ends up going to waste because cooking is the last thing I want to do after I get home from work.

And pizza has veggies...at least in the sauce!

Lisa-licious said...

Too funny! Love how you try to I always get busted because the girls flaunt their new "happy meal" toy as soon as dad walks in! We all just love going to McDonald's, don't we? Wish I could have a "happy meal" toy every now and then...

Lisa-licious said...

What happened? My typing is screwed up! I meant to tell you that I love how you try to "change the subject". Sorry...

traci said...

Oh, yes, when my hubs is gone I solely rely on popcorn and wine for dinner. Oh, and the kids eat steamed organic spinach. Ir at least thats what I tell everyone.

Alberto said...

That "italian for sure" makes me laugh.
I think that's the last positive thing we're famous for.
LOL (but also SIGH)

Merrie said...

Confession -- whenever hubby's out of town, we have a fondue night. Why? Because there's only one person to eat the cooked cheese at the bottom, instead of two. And I'll fight to the death for it.

A Tired Wife said...

Beefaroni ... full serving of veggies.

Yum to the kids.
Yuck to us. But whatever.

The Mayor said...

Seems to be a common thread. I'm the master of keeping my traveling husband on a need to know basis. I'll say," oh we are having a well rounded meal"when he calls on the phone.
Soon as he hangs up we get into a cat fight about where we are going to eat.Chinese usually wins.

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