Friday, January 2, 2009

New Year, New 'Keyword Korner'



There are 3 things you can count on in life.

Death, taxes and bizarre Google Analytics keyword searches.

(Google Analytics gives you detailed info on your blog traffic - most awesomely, words or phrases that people typed into Google, that landed them on your blog.)

As always, I did not make this stuff up: anyone who doubts its validity just email me and I'll give you my GA password.

And so I bring you: More bizarre phrases that landed inquiring minds on my blog:


"I'm lint"
Um, it's one thing to declare "I'm lint", but quite another to type it into the Google search box. Are you looking for other lint-humans?

"beta swilling chardonnay sue"
Well, the actual tagline is 'chardonnay swigging beta mom' but good job- it got you to my blog.

"cellulite illustration"
Seriously Google? Someone's typing 'cellulite illustration' and you direct them to me?

"don't get your dog trained by Ed Farley"
Roger that. Thank you.

"drill pregnan hole morn pee"
Um, I want to say that's disgusting, but I'm not sure it's English.

"expanding butt"
Hello? I know for a FACT that Rosie O'Donnell has a blog...why ME?

"Facebook moms who drink and swear"
Well.  Let's move on.

"google second hand cd of the applejacks"
Yes. I am THE source for second hand cd of the applejacks. But you don't have to type "google" into Google.

"lasagna boobs"
I just don't even know whether to be insulted or not. My boobs have never been compared to pasta.

"snip snip off with husband's nuts"
Whoa, girl. A vasectomy is one thing...but don't go all Lorena Bobbitt on his ass....

"top 10 clean magazine for house ladies"
OK. I see the "Learn English" audio tapes are going well. But before you launch your magazine empire, we house ladies prefer the term "Domestic Goddesses". And unless you've got Robert Pattinson vacuuming shirtless? The big money is not in cleaning magazines.


Google Analytics: let it write the post for you. :)









39 comments:

♥georgie♥ said...

LOL...I need to check mine and see what kind of searches are landin peeps on the DC

The Popes said...

These always make me laugh out loud. People are amazing.

Swirl Girl said...

Hey, lasagna boobs...Happy New Year!

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Holy crap - hilarious! The drill hole mornin pee one is so warped it's crackin' me up. I am always in desperate need for post material especially funny shit but I don't think my analytics will yield such killer results....we'll see...

Krystyn said...

i love the ga posts...hilarious!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Won't the person who types in Sally Struthers charity be surprised when they find you!

The Mom said...

Lasagne boobs is my favorite! With or without ricotta?!

CoffeeJitters (Judy Haley) said...

I love checking out my search terms. I get some doozey's too, but the one that is consistently at the top of the list and breaks my heart every time is "getting rid of coffeejitters."

Jenni Jiggety said...

I think I may finally have a google analytics post in the works! Yay for weirdos googling bizarre crap!

amelia bedelia said...

That always amazes me....and I think the facebook mom, was maybe me. talk to you later, Macaroni boob!

Shannon said...

I've checked my GA before... I once had someone find my blog from searcing" boobs painted like pumpkins"

...not once have I ever written the word "boobs" on my blog... so how they ended up there, I've no idea. But I got a good laugh out of it!

Marla said...

i just love these... thanks for sharing!

Threeboys1mommy said...

By "lasagna boobs" I meant lasagna in your cleavage... that hasn't happened to you?... No... Only me? Hmm k.

Mrs. S said...

too funny!!! That reminds me I need to check GA!

Jen said...

this cracks me up! I wonder what brings people to me.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Few things in life are certain except for taxes, death and Google Analytics!

Lipstick said...

Hilarious. I love that you pointed out the un-necessariness of typing "google" into google.

Cant Hardly Wait said...

I want lasagna boobs. NO! I WANT A LASAGNA VAGINA!

Noob Mommy said...

Love lasagna boobs and expanding butt! Insight into my soul.

bejewell said...

This is one of my favorite search term posts ever. So far I haven't done one but when I got "the bean shaped thing in my vagina" the other day I knew one would have to be written. Stay tuned.

Heinous said...

That's gotta be better than spaghetti boobs.

Sorry to hear about the butt...

Jen said...

Hmmm - I got "pink plastic panties for hubby" on mine...

I don't really know what to think about that!

Jen said...

This has inspired me to go and check mine. Can't wait to see what kind of crazy people landed on my site.

Love the Rob Pattinson hair watch!

Linda S said...

You have a signup for that facebook group? I'm totally there. Maybe I already am...$%&#, yeah!

Red Cup Mom said...

Wonderful! I haven't been here in a while and you don't disappoint. Lasagna boobs is weirdly insightful. A man wants to see boobies smashed with Italian food? Perhaps next time you make lasagna you now have a shape in mind? Some pasta mounds?

Love it!

Thanks for the smile.

Island Travel Girl said...

See, I was LOOKING for a reason to figure out Analytics...and "let Analytics write the post for you" was a good enough reason for me !
Thanks for the inspiration :)

Gettysburg Mom said...

How many disappointed women will now arrive at your site after typing Robert Pattinson shirtless? Cruel I tell ya, just cruel.

Mama H said...

TOO funny! My favorite is lasagna boobs because I can't stop trying to picture what that would look like!

Miss Yvonne said...

I've been called worse things than lasagna boobs.

Diesel said...

You don't have to type 'google'?! Oh man, this is going to save me so much time.

Lisa-licious said...

Lasagne Boobs. Priceless. Now I am hungry, dang it. This diet bites.

LuLu said...

Cracking up...

nikkicrumpet said...

LOL...the lasagna boobs is just soooo damn weird! I get some strange ones...but not like yours!

michelle said...

Just thinking about the possiblities makes me want to load my blog posts full of interesting things simply to see who GA will send my way? Interesting thoughts.... LOL!

sm2 said...

LMAO. I really needed this on a rainy Monday stuck at work! Thanks for the laugh!

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Elisa said...

Ok, I am really puzzled by the "lasagna boobs" one. Unless they mean.... ewwwww. People are freaks.

Weaselmomma said...

Those are priceless! I just went through mine and came up with some doozies. I'm sure I will be posting them someday.

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