Monday, January 12, 2009

Not the Monday I'd Planned

Here's where I'm supposed to be right now:







At "Healing Hands Massage". Using the gift card I got LAST Christmas.

Yup, right about now, the masseuse would be quietly leaving the room, and telling me in that whispery-masseuse voice to take my time getting dressed......

....and then you have that fuzzy moment where you wonder if anyone would really notice if you just slept here for awhile.....

.....and you sit up and look in the little mirror on the back of the door and your hair is all oily and massage table-head-y. And you have the worst pillow-face ever.

But it doesn't matter because you're all floaty and spacey.

Yeah. that's not where I am, though.

At 6am my tween refused to get up for school, clutching her stomach in pain/not-pain/whatever. OK. Stay home.

Stepson pulled the rare but deadly 'back-to-sleep" maneuver, causing him to be late for school.

8 year old with extreme Anxiety Disorder dutifully took her baby valium in preparation for the 9:30 cavity-filling appointment.

Arrived at the dentist, where she proceeded to scream, thrash, and clamp her hand over her mouth so the dentist couldn't get to her teeth. Finally, under threat of hospitalization, she let them give her nitrous oxide, which backfired and made her hallucinate "that the dentist was trying to kill me".

Left dentist without getting cavity filled, and halfway home she pukes in the car.

Phonecall from the tween that "the dogs ran through the mud and got it all over the carpets. Upstairs and downstairs."

Yup. That sounds more like my life. And I wouldn't mind a little nitrous oxide myself.

55 comments:

Beth said...

All I can say is I HOPE your day gets better becuase missing a massage appointment just isn't right!!!!

Just Stephanie said...

You need to reschedule that massage ASAP!

because I said so said...

more like Christmas PONY...

Debbie said...

That is a morning from hell. Let's hope the afternoon is better.

Southern Gal said...

oh man! I hope you get either that massage or some nitrous oxide stat!

Last time I had the nitrous oxide, the nurse told me to tell her when my toes felt tingly, so she'd know I'd had enough. Of course I did not, & kept claiming to "not feel anything." They cut it off when I started singing along to the music piped into the room ("I, I just died in your arms tonight. Must've been something you sa-aid...") I guess they figured it out :)

Miss Yvonne said...

Wowzers, what a day already! I think the worst part is the puking in the car...that is just awful, even if it is your kid. I know this.

Is that dog on the right the PUPPY?? Wowzers again.

P.S. Thanks for sharing the pic so I can feel better about still having my Christmas tree up.

Type A Deb said...

I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.

I just typed "plants in sink drinking mojitos" into Google to see what would happen. Guess what? I got your website (about 9 entries down!?). Are there really that many other sites talking about that combination of topics?!

Just wanted to see what you would do with that one for your next Keyword Korner entry.

At least it will give you something besides sick kids and dog messes to think about today... :)

Lisa-licious said...

I will cover your massage fee at BlogHer...you deserve it!

Lisa-licious said...

P.S. Just throw some pink and red hearts all over the tree and call it a Valentine's Day Bush! You'll be a trendsetter!

The Mom said...

Massage needed STAT!

michelle said...

Yeah, same thing happens at my house. Except the dogs are "fawn-colored". and the husband would be either skiing or in vegas for the weekend. or it is tax season (he is a CPA) yeah, and it's the flu. and mid-terms week (for me).

You do have me beat though, we don't have a Christmas Tree.

Haley's dentist appointment is the 30th and she is already freaking about it. Send me some of that baby-valium. and I will send you the gift card I have from my birthday a year ago for my massage in exchange.

Julie said...

Oh crap, I'm having the same dentist trouble with my 8 year old. She's trying to turn me into an old woman before my time. They suggested I go the the MD to get some baby valium, doesn't sound like it's all that successful. Wonder if I could get my hands on a fully loaded tranquilizer gun. I should probably turn it on myself if I do.

Bar-b said...

not only did you not get to enjoy your "hands on" time, but, your morning sounded hellish. what a terrible dentist visit.

I need a baby vicodin....well 1 baby and 1 toddler since I heart two girls.

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

Man, that sucks.... hope your week gets better.... I'm kinda thinking it can't get much worse!

Mags said...

That sucks!!! I wish I had the nitrous oxide today...I spent 3 hours in the dentist's chair this afternoon. Argh!

Tenakim said...

OMG is thepuppy bigger than the guard poodle?

Marinka said...

First of all, I'm sorry. Second of all, I can't see the mud stains. I hope everyone's better now.

Debra said...

You poor thing! Don't you just hate Mondays? My day did not blow up until I got home. I just had to moderate a fight between 41 year old hubby and our 13 year old son. (Funny story to be blogged about shortly.) Hope your week gets better.

P.S. I am a recovering denist phobe and always had the laughing gas when I was a kid. I always felt like I was naked and floating. That was so good stuff!

cw2smom said...

OMG! What a day! Bless your heart! I have never forgotten the Happy Days episode where Fonzie's at the dentist and they give him nitrous oxide. He said grinning, "Does this stuff come in six-packs?" LMAO! That's some gooooood stuff there! Here's hoping tomorrow's better and that you get that massage, soon! Blessings, Lisa

just bob said...

Oy vey!

♥georgie♥ said...

Christmas puppy? that looks like the horse that won the Kentucky derby!

Jen said...

I guess this is why the rich and famous have nannies to deal with the crap so that the mommies can de-stress. Man, I could really use a nanny and the massage.

Miss Marie said...

Awww...if it makes you feel better. My boyfriend's ex wife snuck into his bank account today and cleaned it out leaving him $37 just because she felt she deserved money from him since she thought he was a bad husband. That happened after two of my "friends" who haven't talked to me in a year wrote me emails about how I'm going to hell for living with a boy (hello, I'm an adult, thanks) and that God told them not to talk to me again. (Great! Click)

LOL. Guess it's been a bad week all around. Virtual margaritas on me!!!

kel said...

Hope it gets better!! God, I would kill (literally, I would murder) for a massage! or some nitrous oxide actually...

BLC :o said...

Awe! You win with the "case of the Mondays." I am sorry!!! On the flip side, you are a super witty writer. Tomorrow is a new day and I am sure a much better one for you!!! Xoxo-BLC

Jenni Jiggety said...

I think you need some wine.

And a nice hot bath.

And a rescheduled massage appointment ASAP!

nikkicrumpet said...

LOL ya know...they should sell that stuff to mothers. You should just be able to bring in the birth certificates of your kids...and they should fill the tank...the more kids...the more you get in your tank. I'm thinking it's fair compensation for being a mom! Loved the picture!!

Tickled Pink And Green said...

This has nothing to do with your post, but I was reading your blog and my daughter walked in and saw your Twilight pics (Robert P?) and said "I LOVE HER"

(she's obsessed with Twilight)...

Lol.

Mr Lady said...

Are you INSANE? You have VALIUM just laying around the house. Laughing gas my ass, baby. I can't get valium, but you're 8 year old can?

Can we trade? Mine LOVES the dentist.

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

I now have to go pour myself a glass of wine just to absorb your day. I'm so sorry.

Mrs. S said...

Me too.

3 Peanuts said...

Oh that sucks! I hope you have your massage soon.

Kim

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

I'm sorry but I'm kinda laughing. SHould I be laughing? That just seems mean. And I'm not a mean person.

Sorry Sue about your Monday but that picture is priceless.

Just think - thank God you didn't go to the massage and then come home to some of that stuff happening....that would have been way worse. Right?

The Nice One said...

Awww...I hope your day is ending better than it began.

Linda S said...

Get that monster dog run over your back a few times... I'd think that would be an awesome massage!

Abby*Lane said...

That nitrous stuff is awful. My 7 year old had it when he get a cavity filled. All was fine until we got out into the hallway. Poor little guy messed himself (#2!) right there! EEK!
They offered to give that to me when I was getting a crown. Um, no thanks. Don't really feel like crapping my pants today, but thanks for the offer!

And I agree with Dawn, That is no dog. It's a PONY!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

You better have that massage rescheduled --you need it :)

Sue's mom said...

Oooohhhhhh, honey. What a bad day.

Practically Joe said...

Our tree was down soon after Christmas. As a matter of fact ... we tied it to the back of Santa's sleigh when he wasn't looking.
"Go Dancer ... On Prancer ... Go ... huh? ... WTF? ... what the hell are we draggin'?"

Allison said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...that's what you meant when you said you'd trade me. Got it. I'm good.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

That dentist scene is familiar...

Paige said...

no one ever notices when mud is dragged through the house by the dog. in fact, that is how we know it is not cleaning lady day--that is the only day it is clean

Lipstick said...

Bless your heart! I'm just glad that your tree is still up too!

Terri said...

I'm a massage therapist. Any time you are in Birmingham, you WILL get a massage, relaxing oils, tranquil music and a little wine.

*jimaie.marie* said...

dude!! reschedule that appt asap!! but your 8yr old made me laugh. i have a dramatic one too ;D

Deb said...

Ok. That officially sucks. Can you believe I've never had a massage?

Rene said...

Oh man! Sure makes my day seem light in comparison -- oh, wait, I was supposed to be on a cruise ship headed for the Western Carribean where I would be hiking ruins, exploring archeological sites, floating down jungle rivers, and generally drinking more stuff with fruit on the top than humanly recommended. But, instead, I am making doctor appts and waiting on my husband hand and foot. Gosh...what is wrong with our lives?!?! You reschedule that appt and I'll find myself a fruity adult beverage and pretend I'm on the beach...k?

Ali said...

Yep. That sounds about right. When it rains it pours!

Swirl Girl said...

teach one of the 'patients' to give you a massage. As sort of reverse therapy.

Krystyn said...

That doesn't compare to a massage? It looked all sugary sweet to me.

Okay, just kidding..I sure hope you get to reschedule!

One Girl Interrupted said...

Wow.. typical monday, right? Geez, I hope you get that massage appointment asap!!

Tahoe Girl said...

and I thought that crap only happened in my house! I'll call the massage place for you RIGHT.NOW.

Rachel said...

Wow you had your hands full. I hope everyone is feeling better...and all that and no filling?

stephanie said...

I'm so happy that I'm not the only one with my Christmas tree still looming over the living room. I took all the ornaments off, but it's still just standing there. But...at least I don't have mud on my carpets.

Finleypotamus said...

I am so sorry your day went so badly but you made ME feel better since I am not the only person on earth with a Christmas tree still up!