Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hobos.com











Actual conversation in my car this morning driving 9 year old and her friend to school: Swear to God.

Her: Mom?
Me: yeah?
Her: If you marry a hobo, are your kids half-hobo, half-human?
Me: First of all, hobos are human. Second of all, no.
Friend: Hobos eat cans.
Me: What?
Friend: Hobos eat cans. And if they can't find any, they eat each other. My brother told me. Probably it's from Hobo.com.

A responsible mom would've probably had a serious talk right then about transients and the homeless but "Evacuate the Dancefloor" came on the radio, which, as we know, is my jam, so I dropped them off and came home and looked up Hobo.com.

Holy hobos.

There really is a Hobo.com.


And I totally learned a lot of stuff. Like:

When a 'bo (official slang term) dies, it's called "catching the Westbound".

Freight train is still the most popular mode of 'bo transportation.

Don't drink alcoholic beverages or "act fidgety" when waiting to "catch out" a freight train. That's a sure way to alert the Railroad police.

So, in conclusion, I have a newfound respect for the 'bo....and would like to list here - directly from the Hobo.com website - the bo's who have caught the Westbound, may they rest in peace.

(So hard to pick a favorite, but I think I'm gonna have to go with "Mike of the Weeds.")



HOBOS BURIED IN BRITT;THE HARDROCK KID 
MOUNTAIN DEWSLOW MOTION SHORTY 
CONNECTICUT SLIMPENNSYLVANNIA KID 
HAFEY ZALEA MAN CALLD JOHN 
IOWA BOBLORD OPEN ROAD  
CARDBOARD HOBO HERB  
SLIM JIM
TEXAS BOB  
Fr. JOHN BRICKLEYCALAMITY JANE   
STICK CHICKHOBO JOE  
CINDERBOX CINDYHOBO QUEEN DERAIL 
SALLY LADY FISHBONES  
LIBERTY JUSTICE

PREACHER STEVE

HOBOS BURIED ELSEWHERE;

ONION COTTON             CHARLES NOE

ADMIRAL DEWEY            PHILLIPINE RED

HAIRBREATH HARRY         SCOOPSHOVEL SCOTTY

KING DAVID 1             BEN BENSON

SKEET SIMMONS          ROGER PAYNE

JOHNPREVATIL           HOOD RIVER BLACKIE

WHITE SHIRT SLIM      DOC BELL

HORSEFACE BILL         ICE MAN JIM

GORDON BUDFILER        B.S.BULL

HARRY EDWARD HOLDEN    RUSS GARMS

THE PHILLY KID            ONION JACK

HIGHWAY JOHNNIE WEAVER         CORADO ED

MINNESOTA BOB              HOT SHOT BENSON

JEFF DAVIS            CANNONBALL EDDIE BAKER

ARIZONA BILL            HOBO BILL MAINER

BIGTOWN GORMAN           BEEFSTEAK CHARLIE

HOBO BYRD             NEVADA KID

THE DRIFTER           HOBO BOB KELLY

TEXAS DECKER          SONNY SLIM CHANCE

FRY PAN JACK            SPARKY SMITH

TUMBLEWEED            BUCKEYE DRILLER

WATERBED LOU          HIPPIE JOE

RENO JENO             TROUBLE

F-TROOPER             STEP AND A HALF

SKIN HEAD             GEORGE ST. GEORGE

SAMMIE-TAMMIE TRUXTON   DEE DEE

LAWRENCE OFMINNESOTA     WILLIAM PETTIT

MICHAEL CLITES           JOHN FORMS

MICHAEL GARFINKLE         JAMES MC CLEAN

CHARLES BOYD            PAUL WAYNE MATTEWS

ROGER BOWMAN            DARREN ROYAL MILLER

MODOC                 DEBRA LYNN

PINKY                 FLORIDA BOY BLUE

MELVIN BELLI          TUCSON JACK

CHICO THE KID         COPPER FRENCHIE

JUST JIM              CHIEF

CHICKEN RED           FINGERS

FRENCHIE              BIG RED

BO BRITT EDDIE       NORTHWEST WANDERING STAR

VIOLET JORDAN         TED WELCH

BOX CAR WILLIE        BOB POTTER

JAMES MICHNER         MICHELLE

THADDEUS              LITTLE STEVIE

BIGMIKE               HORIZONTAL JOHN

RED DOG               LIZZARD

MIKEY B.              DEPOT DEBBIE BENDER

EAST COAST CHARLIE    MOOSE

DON COONS             RAY BOWENS

JUDY WATERMAN         GOLD BELL

PAPA SMURF            VERN WATERS

OKLAHOMA SLIM         PEBBLES

BELLINGHAM KID        BLONDIE

ABRAHAM WINER         SPEEDY

DING DONG             30 WT. EARL

TEXAS CHUCK           GENE LIBRATORE

INDIANA HOBO          STACEY MARTINEZ

AMOS                  NORTH COAST BLACKIE

A.D.D.BRYAN           CAROLINE

HARDWOOD ERNIE HANSON    BRIAN MIZERA

RAINBOW               LEPRUCHAN

SMILING SAM           ALABAMA HOBO

MISSOURI MO           MIKE OF THE WEEDS

LITTLE JOHN           STAGGER LEE

AUSSIE TERRY          LUCHENBACH AL GRIERSON

IRONSIDES             INDIAN JESSIE

MATOKIE SLAUGHTER     HATCHET

BOBKEEFER             WHINO BILLY

BIKER HILLBILLY       BOSTON BRIAN

DEVAN COLLINS         HOBO CABBY

JOSHUA LONG GONE      WOODIE GUTHRIE

JACK LONDON           BURL IVES

HARMONICA SPIKE       ALAN J.PAIGE

STORMIN' NORMAN       RED HEAD HONOR JOHN

RUSS JOHNSON          KICKSTAND

CHUCK E.              KENTON GARRISON SR.

SALLY LADY            TEXAS RAMBLER

CHICKEN RED           FRENCHIE

FINGERS               BIG RED

WEST COAST BLACKIE   IRON HORSE TOM

OLD TEX               HOBO BILL NILE

BUZZ POTTER           PEARL of INDIANA

SHOTDOWN WILLS        RAMBLING RUDY

INDIAN JOHNNY         DERAIL [TOPEKA KS.]

SPACEMAN JOHN          COOKING BOB

JAMES ANTHONY COMBS     THE UNKNOWN HOBO [MPLS.]

JEFF PORAZZO             DIXIE PAVELEKA

BILL GLOVER              TEXAS DRIFTER

EVERITT FROM MCALISTER   NEW YORK GREENIE

STEAMTRAIN MAURY         LA BROOMCORN

CONNOR MACLEOD           FRANK "MAGOO" THORTON

HOBO WHITTLER             JUNGLE JACK

SIDE DOOR PULLMAN KID      ORVILLE PEARSON

JASON LITZER              HARDROCK CAJUN

HARMONICA RED              LITTLE GIZMO

POODLE JESSIE            MOSCA

BLACK-OUT BRAD             SLO FREIGHT BEN

GAS CAN PADDY            RED COYOTE

LIL JAY                  UTAH PHILLIPS

JERICHO                  BEAR GREASE

LOCO LARRY

16 comments:

Jazz said...

There is a hobo.com. Who knew...

martinidad said...

That is a long list of hobos.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

There's also a Hobo Code of Conduct, established at a hobo convention a long time ago. Rules like, "Don't allow other hobos to expose themselves to children" and "Develop a hobby". You know, the basics.

In other news, I know where I'm going next time I'm naming genitalia.

liz said...

You are hysterical! Just found you through MommyBlogs. I'm following and will be back.

P.S. I'm partial to Scoopshovel Scotty. :)

Southern Gal said...

I spent way too many of life's precious minutes looking at hobo.com and now I want to ride the rails & go to the convention in Iowa! Wanna meet me there?!?!

♥ Kathy said...

I'm leaning toward MOUNTAIN DEWSLOW MOTION SHORTY...it kinda rolls off the tongue :p

Kurt said...

If I could have a cool hobo name I probably wouldn't mind dying "elsewhere". That's some mystical shit right there.

Chelle said...

OHHH
A hobo's life is a happy life
He's got not bills and he's got no wife
He don't pay any income tax
And he never worries and he just relax.

That's the song my 6 year old sang at the Fall Concert. Except, sub the word, "Hobo" for "Homo" by accident in front of a large group of parents.

I swear we're not bigots. Just he is.

Paige said...

So here is what I want to know--who made the website? A reformed 'bo? A 'Bo Hag? Whats the deal there?

3 Peanuts said...

My kids were asking a lot of hobo questions too....where do they get this stuff from? Oh yeah...hobo.com

♥Georgie♥ said...

well who knew LOL

Lipstick said...

well, I had absolutely no idea. It is possible to learn something new every day.

Anonymous said...

Happy St Patrick's Day

The top 10 signs you’re being stalked by a leprechaun:

10. Generic-looking green transit van with darkened windows parked across the road with “I brake for imps” bumper sticker.



9. Every time you stop on the street the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have moved a little closer.



8. All your shoes have been expertly repaired overnight.



7. Green lipstick marks on your bedroom window.



6. Card delivered with a bouquet of 4-leaf clovers.



5. You don’t recall owning an anatomically-correct lawn gnome.



4. When you come home from work, the potatoes are missing from the cupboard and your parrot is singing “Danny Boy.”



3. Every day this week you’ve noticed the same buckle shoes dangling just above the floor in the stall next to you.



2. Sultry voice from shower soap dish asks, “Is that your shillelagh, or are you just happy to see me?”



And the number one sign that you’re being stalked by a leprechaun:



Them little green pellets in the litter box ain’t M&M’s.

Anonymous said...

hobos are all the rage with the elementary school kids. they think all homeless people are hobos. will have to have my son go to hobo.com, thanks for the very educational tip!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I'm heading over there right now!!

I cannot believe that, at my age, I'm still learning something new everyday, even if that "something" is about a hobo website!

Bar-b said...

world wide web is right. holy crud. Sooooo, next sign that I'll see and won't be all like "huh?", will be "please help. need wifi".