You know how it sucks to have a boss that's a know-it-all toolbag that never listens to your suggestions?
That's how my car GPS feels about me.
GPS: "In about 1 mile, bear right onto...US...Route 1... South."
Me: "That makes no sense."
GPS: "In about 500 feet..bear right onto US...Route 1 South."
Me: "Nah. Screw that."
GPS: "Please bear right."
Me: "Please Shut UP."
GPS: "Please make a legal U-turn, if possible."
Me: "Just relax. I know what I'm doing."
GPS: (auto re-routing) "Christ."
Me: "WHAT??!!!"
GPS: "I said 'Christ'. Now I have to re-route your lame ass ...AGAIN."
Me: "I've lived here for 3 years. This is NOT the quickest way to the mall."
GPS: "My brain is a digital map of the entire country based on a satellite in SPACE, Bitch."
Me: "Your MOTHER is a satellite."
GPS: "Please turn right."
Me: What?
GPS: "There's a gym up here. You need that more than the mall."
Me: "Brrrring! Hello? It's for you: It's Al Gore: he wants his personality back."
GPS: "1992 called: it wants its haircut back."
Me: "Google Earth wants you to stop stalking him on Facebook."
GPS: "You have arrived at your destination."
Me: What?
GPS: "You have arrived - at Weight Watchers of Chester County."
Me: BodylessAnnoyingDouchebagSaysWhat?
GPS: "What?"
Me: "HA. Where the f*ck am I."
THAT is hilarious! Seriously I laughed out loud! and I may have snorted. maybe.
ReplyDeleteLOL! oh my god! I refuse to have a GPS. I would much rather get lost old school style with mapquest :)
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ReplyDeleteHmm, I think I'll just stick with a map. They don't talk back.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm a poet...
Whatever I said was your funniest post ever before? Well, I lied.
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS YOUR FUNNIEST POST EVER!!
Oh man, I laughed out loud in the office. It was HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteLove it! You are one funny lady. I love starting my day with a good laugh!
ReplyDeleteOk, I had to stop at "Your MOTHER is a satellite" and compose myself. I would love to argue with a GPS. But it would eventually win, because I am directionally challenged like you wouldn't believe.
ReplyDeleteHilarious...I love that Odont have some crazy lady in my car telling me where to go. Who says technology is a good thing?
ReplyDelete"BodylessAnnoyingDouchebagSaysWhat" Really? Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteyou're so funny! I do this saaame thing.
ReplyDeleteOMG, that has got to be the funniest thing I have ever read! Seriously!
ReplyDeleteThat was good....I guess it's time to re-gift it this holiday season :)
ReplyDeleteGreat, great stuff---so glad to have re-found you!
ReplyDeleteThe best thing about my GPS is it's all pretend and in my head. I say things like "Go to the house of the Handsomest Man in History" and then I drive home. Win/Win.
ReplyDeleteI knew it! I'm not the only one! I told my boyfriend that the lady in the GPS gives me attitude when she has to "re-route". So effin funny.
ReplyDeleteHysterical! She was sooo full of herself.
ReplyDeleteDid you know you can change the voice? We fired our GPS lady and hired "Liam" with the Aussie accent. He's so cool.
Thanks for the laugh!
I will never have a GPS because I'm convinced it will take over my car like that computer in that 2001 space movie and I'll end up crashing into a fast food restaurant and I'll be all "My GPS did it!!" as they haul me away in handcuffs.
ReplyDeleteit's quite possible that you're the funniest woman alive. props.
ReplyDeleteThank you...... how do you know when I REALLY need a laugh??? Can you read my mind??
ReplyDeleteThanks for making my Venti Drip come back out my nostrils...
ReplyDeletethis was HYSTERICAL!!
I like Kurt's idea! You are hilarious, Sue. By the way...the ice cream truck guy sent me an email asking me to do a blog post on him after I left a comment on your post! I wonder if ice cream truck drivers use GPS and if the GPS lady gets all snarky with them about watching out for all the kids!?
ReplyDeleteohmygosh I just nearly spit my water all over my desk. This is hilarious! I may actually print this out & hang it up in my car so I can think of you ever time I ignore my GPS. LOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteThis was the funniest thing I read today. Exactly why I don't have a GPS! I don't need anything else giving me attitude.
ReplyDelete♥Spot
Hahaha - makes me glad I DON'T have GPS!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! My GPS and I have some bad days too. I do home health and it gets very frustrated with my wrong turns.
ReplyDeleteI have the same type of convos with mine. She is a bossy broad
ReplyDeleteLOL! Thanks for a great start to the weekend.
ReplyDeleteLMAO! Great post!!!!
ReplyDeleteI hate my GPS, too! Its always telling me to go somewhere I know is wrong.
ReplyDeleteMy GPS called me a bitch last week, I swear. And it was in the "British Female" voice. I switched it to "Mandarin Male", so at least now when he curses me out, I can't tell what the hell he's saying.
ReplyDeleteSeriously genius.
ReplyDeleteI think my GPS is your GPS's sister.
ReplyDeleteI'm directionally challenged at times but sometimes I can hear the irritation in "Garmies" voice.
I named her "Garmie" I'm not above shouting ......in my time of stress......
"I FLIPPIN HEARD YOU GARMIE TAKE A PILL!"...
It's usually when I'm searching for the first legal(or illegal) U-turn and she is too busy recalculating my route!
Great post!
Our GPS is named Shirley, and she is endlessly annoying (except for when you're really lost). Most times if we know where we're going for part of the trip, we just silence her by turning the volume down ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh!
That was hilarious!! You are so funny. :)
ReplyDeleteOk. You're hysterical. And you live in Chester County? WHY do we not know each other? That seems wrong somehow.
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! I've always thought the GPS lady sounded like a b*%ch. You've now confirmed my theory!
ReplyDeleteHa Ha *snort* ha ha ha ha!
ReplyDeleteThose of us with GPS devices have all been there!
OK, now that is the "beyond funny" stuff you should have saved for a book!!!! So flippin' funny! If you get your Iphone, you can throw your GPS out the car window at a high speed. Also, my Iphone tells me when there are traffic jams ahead. Really annoying when it's a jam between wherever my car is and the nearest Krispy Kreme...
ReplyDeleteAs a geeky gadget lovin' guy, I should have a better relationship with GPS than I do. However, it's screwed me over one too many times (the last time taking me on a 2 hour detour up a volcano) for me to trust it.
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