Monday, June 22, 2009

If You Give a Mom a Cookie



If you give a mom a cookie.....

She'll probably ask for a glass of wine to go with it.

Then when her buzz kicks in, she'll probably eat 5 more because screw it - she's already totally blown Day One of her diet and she'll absolutely positively start tomorrow except wait- not tomorrow because tomorrow is Girls Night Out and that means lots and LOTS of wine and a high probability of calamari and mozzarella sticks - but wait - that IS protein after all - maybe even Atkins - except not the breadcrumbs - that's carbs - crap - so maybe that would be 'The Zone' which is how Jennifer Aniston got so skinny or maybe that's cuz she smokes and has a personal trainer but either way it would so suck to lose your husband to Angelina Jolie because she's got huge lips AND is bisexual and who can compete with THAT - and then the whole world feels sorry for you and takes polls on who you should be fixed up with and apparently 43% of Star Magazine readers think you should totally date Taylor Hicks which would be so depressing that you'd be better off staying home, drinking wine in a Snuggie and watching The Ghost Whisperer.....

and chances are, if you're drinking wine alone....

...you'll want a cookie to go with it.


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44 comments:

  1. Laila PJune 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    HAHA! Brilliant!!

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  2. JenJune 22, 2009 at 5:28 PM

    I'm dying! Hilarious and so true (especially the part about Angie being bi-sexual and not being able to keep up with that.)

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  3. JulieJune 22, 2009 at 5:35 PM

    Ha Ha :) well done!

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  4. The Mom JenJune 22, 2009 at 5:38 PM

    Much better than mine! ;)

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  5. Southern GalJune 22, 2009 at 5:44 PM

    This is proof positive that I AM ready to be a mom! I've already got this skill down! I'll have to tell the hubby next time he says I'm not yet responsible enough.

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  6. chocdropJune 22, 2009 at 6:21 PM

    Not sure if I should ask you to pass the wine or cookie first......

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  7. LeighJune 22, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    Mwahahaha! I'll be eagerly awaiting the follow-up: "If You Take a Mom to School"in which she drinks wine first and then pulls out the Alpha PTA Mom's extensions.

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  8. KarenJune 22, 2009 at 7:28 PM

    Classic! Much better than the book! LOL!

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  9. SusanJune 22, 2009 at 7:39 PM

    You are the true master! I love it!!!

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  10. JenJune 22, 2009 at 7:52 PM

    yeah, I want a cookie.

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  11. ShelleyJune 22, 2009 at 8:14 PM

    Ok, you're not going to believe this, but about a year and a half ago, I did a post almost like this, but it was called If You Give a Mom a Margarita. I think yours is funnier, though. Here's mine:
    http://thehormonezone.blogspot.com/2007/12/if-you-give-mom-margarita.html

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  12. UnknownJune 22, 2009 at 8:32 PM

    I Absolutely LOVE IT!...One of my favorite books....although I do like "If you give a Moose a Muffin" as well!

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  13. DamitaJune 22, 2009 at 8:42 PM

    know i want a cookie

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  14. SweetPeaSurryJune 22, 2009 at 8:56 PM

    Yeah ... so I kind of feel like I should make sure all my blinds are closed when I drink wine and watch Ghost Whisperer. Although, I could do without the cookie, 5 more glasses of wine would do me well. Heh!

    blessings!

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  15. MarinkaJune 22, 2009 at 9:09 PM

    Perfect. And OMG, if Angelina stole my husband, I'd have nonstop cookies and wine. Really, Angie, Call him~!

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  16. JillJune 22, 2009 at 9:56 PM

    Hilarious! And I can so relate. To the cookie and wine part...not Jennifer / or Angelina / or Brad. ha!

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  17. JenniferJune 22, 2009 at 10:29 PM

    Very cute!

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  18. Miss YvonneJune 22, 2009 at 10:32 PM

    Great, now I'm craving mozzarella sticks.

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  19. LoriJune 22, 2009 at 10:56 PM

    You ROCK! That was great!

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  20. UnknownJune 23, 2009 at 12:17 AM

    I could use some cookies!! (a little wine wouldn't hurt either!!)

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  21. DGBJune 23, 2009 at 12:41 AM

    This is fantastic.

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  22. Lisa-liciousJune 23, 2009 at 3:31 AM

    Here I am, again, in need of a smile, and you MORE than deliver!
    Brilliant! I will now add cookies to the list of "what to pack" for BlogHer.

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  23. Searching For ReinforcementsJune 23, 2009 at 8:10 AM

    cookies and wine sounds great right now, since it's 8:10 a.m. on the first official day of summer break...

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  24. LindyJune 23, 2009 at 8:19 AM

    *raises glass of wine* to the run-on sentence!

    I think cookies and the snuggie go very well together..it helps keep the crumps off your person.

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  25. AnonymousJune 23, 2009 at 10:36 AM

    HAHAHA!!!

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  26. Elisa @ Globetrotting in HeelsJune 23, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    That is totally how I think too - you can totally find a diet to match whatever you are eating or craving if you read enough diet books ;-)

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  27. KeyonaJune 23, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    Yes, you are brilliant.

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  28. ErinJune 23, 2009 at 12:50 PM

    love it!

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  29. Dr. MomJune 23, 2009 at 1:11 PM

    That's the funniest thing I have read in a really long time!

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  30. Crazy KJune 23, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    you completely nailed it, lol.

    Although I just eat the cookie dough, I can't even be bothered to bake it.

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  31. AnonymousJune 23, 2009 at 2:46 PM

    What was or were in the cookies or the wine?

    I think you got slipped a Red Bull and the Chocolate chips were actually Caffeine Supplements!

    Looks like blog block is blgone

    Funny Stuff either way.

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  32. BacktoBarnwellJune 23, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    You can borrow one of my snuggies. And a cig.

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  33. ShannonJune 23, 2009 at 5:18 PM

    love it!

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  34. MagsJune 23, 2009 at 5:54 PM

    So true, so true!!! LOL

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  35. LipstickJune 23, 2009 at 11:15 PM

    Oh dearest Happy Hour Sue...this is why we love you so...and also for posting some hot RPatz pics too.

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  36. MarlaJune 24, 2009 at 1:36 AM

    clever clever!

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  37. Life, Love And LolaJune 24, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    LMAO! What doesn't go with wine????

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  38. LizzieJune 25, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    that was the funniest thing ever! thanks for the laughs :)

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  39. the MayorJune 25, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    That's definitely the way it goes with this mom. Does that mean we are too tightly wound in the first place, at the first chance to relax we get led down a rabbit hole?

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  40. Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) MommyJune 25, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    That is my life...how did you get in there?

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  41. Creative-Type DadJune 26, 2009 at 1:01 AM

    Yup, those are some huge lips. I bet she can fit a whole lot of cookies in them.

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  42. JennyMacJune 26, 2009 at 12:06 PM

    haha...love it! and you definitely want a cookie with that wine.

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  43. NJ Pigno June 27, 2009 at 10:39 AM

    Very funny! I just stumbled on your blog. Glad i did!

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  44. WendyJune 29, 2009 at 11:11 AM

    let's change that cookie to a brownie and really go nuts!!

    such truth here!

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