Please Don't Bedazzle Your Hoo-Ha

First, I want to thank the 340 awesome readers who took the Pop Quiz!!!!!!! Most of you rocked it- I'm so proud.

A few of you were obviously smokin' a doob behind the school before you came to class, but that's cool.

I'd like to give a special shout-out to the lurkers - I know that was a tough moment when the quiz asked for your name. So thank you to M, c, k, t, T, jq, b, D&P, a, f, k, a, A, k, l, s, HG, c, n, x, k, D, n, me, moi, don't know, lurker, and hmmmm.

Also? The number of you that thought my dream job was "zookeeper" was HI-larious.

Now, on to the bedazzling.

It has come to my attention that there is a growing trend towards blinging the girly-wallet. It's called "vajazzling".

What the actual fuck.

For Valentines Day, I learned, you can get a full Brazilian wax, then it's spray-painted gold and adorned with red Swarovski crystals. Liked, glued on, so you have a private little nether regions disco party, waiting to surprise your man.














Sisters... please. This is the female equivalent of the guy who hires the sky-writing plane or the Jumbotron. You're just making the rest of us look bad.  (Literally.)

The last thing we moms need is our husbands asking for a tricked-out va-jay-jay.  My husband's lucky if I change my razor cartridges.

You'll understand, sassy single girls, when you're a mom - ain't no way it's making the To-Do list.

cupcakes for class party
L. orthodontist
drycleaning
bank deposit
soccer parents meeting
embellish genitals with crystals
grocery store


Also, afterwards? Won't it look like the floor of Studio 54 on New Years Day? 

I'm just saying. All for one, one for all, pinky swear, F-that.

Thanks.