Last December 1st, my husband sat down at the dinner table and announced, "December is going to be a really busy month for me."
Then I stabbed him with a fork.
So I am launching the first annual Husbands' Christmas Challenge. And here are the rules:
• You must accomplish the tasks IN ADDITION to your regular responsibilities.
• You may not hire anyone to help you.
• You may not bribe your children to help you.
• You must accomplish the following by Midnight, December 24th:
Take a Christmas card photo - choose and order Christmas cards- buy Christmas stamps -sign, address, stamp & mail all 150 cards - Decorate house including wreaths, stockings, scented candles, advent calendar, indoor lights, stuffed Santas, snowmen, Christmas card holder, outdoor lights-Decorate Christmas tree with kids- adjust decorations when kids aren't around - Be sure kids have watched Rudolph, Elf, Frosty, and the Grinch - Acquire each child's christmas list - Buy wrapping paper, scotch tapes, bows, tags, bags, and tissue paper - Buy stocking stuffers, don't forget the dog - Buy and wrap gifts for kids teachers, dance teachers, karate instructors, and babysitters - Buy and wrap all kids' presents - Hide all kids presents - Buy and wrap presents for parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, nieces,nephews and in-laws - Pack & address gifts - stand in line at Post Office - Attend at least one cookie swap - attend all Holiday School concerts - Attend all holiday school parties - Make and deliver Christmas cookies to neighbors & friends - Make a gingerbread house with the kids - Buy & fill money holders for garbage man, mailman, bus driver and cleaning lady - Set out milk & cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve - Read "Twas the night Before Christmas" - Fill stockings, set out presents, eat cookies, drain milk, leave crumbs - pass out.
THEN tell me you had a busy month. ;)
Amen.
ReplyDeleteAmen squared!
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to add "cook for and host a holiday party for your spouse's friends and family and clean up everything after, while you (the spouse, who is usually the husband) pass out in the recliner from the 'long' day."
Bah humbug!
ReplyDeleteSo true!!! The Washington Post had a good article in its Thanksgiving Day magazine about a dad who was challenged to do everything. He certainly was challenged.
ReplyDeleteyup. nuff said right there Sue.
ReplyDeletetoday alone i think i got him beat for all of this past year. no joke. AND i had a migraine during half the morning into the afternoon!
Oh, you forgot to add "Then drink heavily" after each item.
ReplyDeleteOr was that just assumed?
Yeah, it probably was.
Oh Hell yeah! I'm sending this link to my hubby...
ReplyDeleteIn Jesus name, Amen.
ReplyDeleteGuess who copied and pasted this into a lovely email to my husband...Nope it was NOT ME!!! Anyhow, I just love your blog. You crack me up! Really good stuff and PS, I am now drinking the Kool Aid!
ReplyDeleteDitto all those before me!! And yes, I will be sending my husband here. and maybe printing it out for him to see-in the bathroom, in the garage, in the bedroom....
ReplyDeleteOh yes, amen indeed!!! (Says the wife who can barely bend her fingers to type after signing, sealing, addressing and stamping 94 Christmas cards while Hubby watched football and played poker online....)
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the carrots for the reindeer along with those cookies for Santa! ;)
Happy holidays! I'm off to spike myself a glass of eggnog. The alcohol cancels out the calories, right? Right?
Now I know why I am so tired ;)
ReplyDeleteI love you for telling the simple truth... what would they do with out us????
ReplyDeletethanks for all the reminders! yuck!!
ReplyDeleteCan I add a few? Homeschool a few kids, nurse another one, figure out what is needed for multiple "events"..... and pose four kids under 8 for a "cute picture" under the tree to attach to cards..... Amen sister!
ReplyDeleteCrazy woman! You forgot.. "Figuring out what you husband's best friend wants and going shopping for it, only to find that your husband had a completely different idea as to what he wanted so you had to cuss him out, take the damn thing back and go buy something for yourself instead"
ReplyDeleteHell to the yes! The hubs told me today that he and the kiddo would "help me out with the decorating" this year. Which means the same thing it did last year...they'll drag in the Christmas tree and then disappear while I decorate it.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the "door decorating" at school, which is taking up 99% of my time since I just found out we cannot use any type of "holiday" decor - WINTER THEME ONLY! Great. So my big idea of "25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" with exactly 25 kids/pictures in the class idea went totally to shit. Today. And the doors have to be decorated by Tuesday night. I hope there is no open container law on the school grounds because me and Captain Morgan have some decorating to do!!!
ReplyDeleteNo one could have said it better than that.
ReplyDeleteIt's months like this that I wish I had a wife!!
Oh, so true. I asked Cookie to get me the tree and I think he outdid himself, he said he was done.
ReplyDeleteAint that the truth
ReplyDeleteI got all dizzy reading through that list and realizing it's my immediate future.
ReplyDeletethanks
Oh it is months like this that I wish I wasn't married and wasn't a mom.
ReplyDeleteummmm if anyone has a hubby that does all that then I may not go gay-cuz there will still be hope for mine....as it stands now me50million mr gp-ZERO he tried to send me 1 hr and a half away to get an exbox 360 and called that helpin me out...he said well i called and found it for ya....I am sing tammy Wynettes hit right now D-I-V-O-R-C....helll ;-)
ReplyDeleteCan we just skip it this year.
ReplyDeleteMen....they couldn't be us if they tried!!!
ReplyDeleteAmen sister!! A-men!!
ReplyDeleteExactly!
ReplyDeleteHaha.
I cant wait till its all over....
THEN comes kids birthdays!!
I read this to my husband, he laughed this little "Ha-ha it's not that bad" laugh that made me want to stab him with a fork! :)
ReplyDeleteC'mon now, Sue. If they could do all that, they could have the (&%$* periods, too!
ReplyDeleteNo husband could EVER do that...I repeat EVER! And if someone knows one that can then ask if he has a brother and then send him my way!
ReplyDeleteAnd that is just thru the 19th of December...
ReplyDeleteThis may just be my favorite Happy Hour post ever.
ReplyDeleteYou tell em girl!
ReplyDeleteAH, HAHA! I love it! This makes me laugh so much. What a fun site - I'll definitely be back. :)
ReplyDeleteHmm. I'm actually thinking that's a good way to kill your husband and get away with it! Even if you were charged, no jury of your peers would convict.
ReplyDeleteIf my husband did any of those things he would implode. At least I would get a half million dollar life insurance policy.
ReplyDeleteI'm exhausted just reading that to-do list!
ReplyDeleteMen. They really do need to be more amazed at our ability to do 100 things at once and value that more than their one silly job.
ReplyDeleteRight on sister! I just finished decorating...there is no way in hell an man could do what I just did (unless he is gay and fabulous!).
ReplyDeleteamen sista- my husband can suck his busy month- I'm making him read this!
ReplyDeleteRight On
ReplyDeleteAnd you have to do this while you spent at least 40 hours at work each week, probably more...never mind the travel to and from work each day...I do not know how you do it!
Thank goodness...there would never be a Christmas.
Or, give him a different list:
ReplyDeleteTake kids out for a couple hours 3 times a week, give wife massage 4 times a week, take wife to dinner (sans kids) once a week,...
and call it good. :-)
Oh no he di'nt! :-) My list includes: Roll daughter's thick, waist-length hair in curlers 7 nights in a row for The Nutcracker. And also, cook meal for 200 guests for step-son's wedding. But we get a little extra time for that, it's not until Dec. 27th. I'm so calm about it all I MUST be in denial. Or shock.
ReplyDeletegood luck with that...
ReplyDeleteAnd the creche, the creche! He has to set that up, too -- and when the figurines fall over, figure out what to do.
ReplyDeleteA-to-the-freaking-Men, sister!
ReplyDeleteI always help out with that stuff. I don't like getting stabbed with forks...
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget that we have to pick out presents for all the grandparents to give to our kids, which wipes out Santa's list, forcing us to come up with gifts that are second best.
ReplyDeleteha. Let's just give him a big fat FAIL now.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, Christmas time!!! I love it!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE it!!
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister!!! I couldn't have said it better. Our husbands must be related!
ReplyDeleteAnd since it is December, toss in there a couple of down days due to the cold or flu.
ReplyDeleteLove the name of your blog!! Your list exhausted me!
ReplyDeleteOMG, SERiously. Seeing it all laid out like that just makes me tired. And I haven't even attempted Christmas cards yet. I just don't have time to be sick.
ReplyDeleteHow's that fork wound healing??
ReplyDeleteI laugh, but there is *SO* much you've left out of that list. ;-)
ReplyDeleteWhen they DO help, it's worse. I often have to re-do whatever it is my husband tried to help me with. Points for effort, I guess.
ReplyDeleteWhen they help, you then have to listen to, "Well, I DID drop off the cookies to daughter's class bake sale on Tuesday" and are expected to be ever so thankful and bow at his feet. {snort} as if!
ReplyDeleteWhy did you type the word 'tape' after the word 'Scotch'?
ReplyDeleteI"m confuzzled.