Friday, September 5, 2008

Breaking Up With the Gym


(phone rings)

Me: Hello?

Gym: It's me.

Me: Oh... hey.

Gym: You've totally been avoiding me.

Me: What? No- I've just been really busy - you know start of school and everything -

Gym: Did I do something? I've been trying to give you your space, but...are we OK?

Me: Totally! Yep- actually I was going to come see you today -

Gym: It's the Blog, isn't it.

Me: (sigh) Look. I have certain needs...

Gym: I heard you're on Twitter, too.

Me: What are you, stalking me? Yeah, I'm on Twitter. They're just friends!

Gym: What the hell is going on with you? You used to come here every day after the bus - Step on Monday, Kickboxing Tuesday, Group Groove on Wednesday-

Me: "Group Groove". I gotta write a post about that.

Gym: I don't know you anymore.

Me: I have 1500 visitors a day and 900 followers on Twitter. They know me.

Gym: They don't know your ass is expanding.

Me: I'll be there tomorrow.


at

59 comments:

  1. Gettysburg MomSeptember 5, 2008 at 3:38 PM

    Hmmm.... What's a Gym?

    ReplyDelete
  2. because I said soSeptember 5, 2008 at 3:43 PM

    I broke up with Gym years ago.....so your saying that's the reason for the ass expansion? Maybe I should call and see what Gym's been up to myself!!
    'group groove' sounds interesting at best.....do tell.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. JenniferSeptember 5, 2008 at 3:47 PM

    I broke up w/ my gym long ago. Hired a personal trainer but she's on maternity leave--I can feel the expansion...

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2008 at 3:49 PM

    LMAO!! Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Former Fat ChickSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:03 PM

    Zumba Baby- try Zumba, the best is to have a few mojitos before you go! hahaaaaa

    ReplyDelete
  6. McMommySeptember 5, 2008 at 4:04 PM

    Ummm...helloooo???

    This is NOT helping our "HappyHourSue & McMommy for HottestBloggers2009" campaign!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. BrittanySeptember 5, 2008 at 4:13 PM

    Ugh...Gym is such a creep.

    ReplyDelete
  8. sassy stephanieSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:17 PM

    Ok, I can one better you. Up until the end of April, I taught classes at the gym, trained for marathons, made two day bike trips for charity. I moved in May, found the blogging world and have not been to the gym in over a month. So, our expanding asses could get together over coffee, in separate booths of course.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mr LadySeptember 5, 2008 at 4:23 PM

    You can the THE GYM that i happen to LIKE a woman with a little junk in the trunk.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AliSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:26 PM

    Touche, Gym. Touche.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:29 PM

    He called me too the other day. Thank god for caller ID.

    #1

    ReplyDelete
  12. The Mom JenSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:35 PM

    GYM is totally a man...

    You can twitter on the phone too?!

    Oh the pressure to make friends!

    ReplyDelete
  13. jill jill bo billSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:44 PM

    Gym who? he's been asking me to add him to facebook, myspace, IM, everything. He is a stalker. Stay clear. All he wants is your body.....

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ann HarrisonSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:46 PM

    Mean Gym, mean.

    Ah yes, the "expanding butt". Maybe bloggers can make their own brand of sweats, like Juicy Couture has. Now, what should it say across our expanding butt?

    ReplyDelete
  15. kristinSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:53 PM

    Hah. My Gym doesn't even know my phone number anymore.

    And it wouldn't recognize me because I haven't been in so long that my glasses aren't the same and I'd have to die my gray hair (s).

    ReplyDelete
  16. kristinSeptember 5, 2008 at 4:54 PM

    I meant on my membership id.

    :::thunk::: that's the sound of a non-witty comment falling on the floor. Hard.

    ReplyDelete
  17. amelia bedeliaSeptember 5, 2008 at 5:19 PM

    At least your gym still acknowleges you, my gym gave me the finger years ago! hysterical!

    ReplyDelete
  18. JenniSeptember 5, 2008 at 5:23 PM

    I think I need to read about Group Groove! I puffy heart love aerobics classes at the gym.

    ReplyDelete
  19. schnaarzySeptember 5, 2008 at 5:38 PM

    It's OK, we will grow together. Even though I go to the gym, I like surrounding myself with uber, alpha moms that pack a set of balls.

    ReplyDelete
  20. PamSeptember 5, 2008 at 5:53 PM

    lmfao i know about the expanding ass. it's what happens every time i sit at this computer LOL forget Gym, you could always take up w BOB LOL

    ReplyDelete
  21. TerriSeptember 5, 2008 at 6:17 PM

    The voices in my head love the voices in your head. Let's hope they don't run off together.

    ReplyDelete
  22. JenSeptember 5, 2008 at 6:40 PM

    We should start a Big Butt Blogger club because mine has expanded since starting this darn blog too. :(

    ReplyDelete
  23. KeelySeptember 5, 2008 at 6:58 PM

    I've been avoiding my Gym too...I heard he just recently offed himself to make way for a Gold's.

    I can't help but feel somewhat responsible.

    ReplyDelete
  24. TentCamperSeptember 5, 2008 at 6:59 PM

    been reading a lot of posts today along the same lines..including mine. I guess it is that time of year.

    ReplyDelete
  25. JenSeptember 5, 2008 at 8:22 PM

    I'm with gettysburg mom, whats going to the gym? This is very unfamiliar to me.

    ReplyDelete
  26. CandiceSeptember 5, 2008 at 9:24 PM

    My gym gave me crabs

    ReplyDelete
  27. Suburban CorrespondentSeptember 5, 2008 at 10:13 PM

    A woman needs a gym like, um...a fish needs a bicycle?

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousSeptember 5, 2008 at 11:41 PM

    My gym and I parted ways a long time ago. It left me with a sore back and I needed physical therapy. That's what happens when you listen to the "workout instructors" they hire who don't know anything about working out.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ann HarrisonSeptember 6, 2008 at 12:02 AM

    Hey Sue,
    Me again.
    Hey, I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I posted a picture of me with your mug for the Virtual GNO? I would give full credit and linkage and all that good stuff, of course.
    I have another idea that I would like to clear with you. Just something silly, but I can't do it without your ok.
    Here's my e-mail annharrison@comcast.net

    ReplyDelete
  30. A New YorkerSeptember 6, 2008 at 12:43 AM

    Gym's and I have NEVER had a good relationship. HA.

    ReplyDelete
  31. AracelySeptember 6, 2008 at 2:18 AM

    Wait! What about all that Laughing My Ass OFF business? That doesn't count?

    ReplyDelete
  32. KSKSeptember 6, 2008 at 2:23 AM

    Gym schmym.

    ReplyDelete
  33. LizSeptember 6, 2008 at 2:41 AM

    Ya know, when I was in high school, my mom & I joked about creating our own line of clothing called "Expand-a-butt". Maybe there was something to that. Perhaps we should meet with a marketing agent!

    ReplyDelete
  34. DebSeptember 6, 2008 at 7:51 AM

    You know, you are not the only one gym is calling. Gym is a player, kind of like BG?

    Does Mr. Jonas call you and hassle you like this? I think not.

    Maybe I'm bitter b/c gym broke up with me. I was embarassing him.

    ReplyDelete
  35. MegSeptember 6, 2008 at 9:39 AM

    Tell Gym to start commenting here and then you'll think about visiting.

    ReplyDelete
  36. oº˚ Homeschool Mom˚ºoSeptember 6, 2008 at 9:41 AM

    That's funny the last time I was in a gym I was in high school. I'm am way to busy to do that these days. Much Love! Tell the gym you wouldn't of been voted hottest blogger if your ass was expanding.

    ReplyDelete
  37. robkroeseSeptember 6, 2008 at 12:29 PM

    500 visitors a day? Man, I need to spend less time at the gym.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) MommySeptember 6, 2008 at 1:33 PM

    Haha, at least you are still on speaking terms with the gym. I lost touch A LONG time ago!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I Am BoymomSeptember 6, 2008 at 2:22 PM

    I quit Gym when I got married. And I have the ass to prove it. I have a treadmill now. I figure it was cheaper to stare at it in my own house than to keep paying Gym and avoiding him.

    ReplyDelete
  40. UnknownSeptember 6, 2008 at 2:45 PM

    What does Gym know? A few more days won't hurt, will it?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Miss LisaSeptember 6, 2008 at 3:52 PM

    Ugh; my gym needs to call me :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2008 at 3:58 PM

    So funny!! Gym has been calling me for 6 months now but, I never answer.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Danyele EasterhausSeptember 6, 2008 at 4:26 PM

    to that, i tip my glass!

    ReplyDelete
  44. AllisonSeptember 6, 2008 at 4:58 PM

    tell the gym you're becoming the Kim Kardashian of blogging and you don't need it because your ass will make you millions.

    I broke up with my gym after not going for 2 months. It only cost me like $300 to break the contract. They don't make that shit easy, that's for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Linda SSeptember 6, 2008 at 7:51 PM

    Make Gym work a little hard for it...you're worth it aren't you? No pain, no gain!

    ReplyDelete
  46. The MomSeptember 6, 2008 at 7:58 PM

    You are hilarious!!!! I live to in the country to attend the gym, but begged for fitness equipment, and now I don't use it! Ha. I gave your awsome blog an award! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  47. ShelleySeptember 6, 2008 at 8:12 PM

    Gym made me sign a contract with him for a year to get his lowest price! I go for three months and then pay for not going for nine months. I'm not falling for that one again. Thank God he doesn't call. Ass-expansion be damned.

    Did you see Diesel up there, bragging about how well HE gets along with Gym? I think maybe they're a couple now...

    ReplyDelete
  48. The Nice OneSeptember 6, 2008 at 9:36 PM

    LMAO...yea, it's really sad when blogging has completely taken over my life. Whew. At least I still force myself to run. It helps.
    Thanks for the info about Google Analytics ;)

    ReplyDelete
  49. jaimeSeptember 6, 2008 at 10:54 PM

    yo, you can do much better then Gym. I heard he was a pain in the ass.

    lol!
    or

    just don't pay the bill and then they will cancel you...and then you'll have an excuse why you can't go anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  50. AliceSeptember 7, 2008 at 11:41 AM

    Ahhh...the expanding ass.

    Which is why there are no current pics of me on my blog.

    I anxiously await 'group groove' post. I'm guessing there are some dopey moves or rythmless people in there. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  51. UnknownSeptember 7, 2008 at 12:25 PM

    I once knew a Gym...or was it Jim he was GREAT mmmhmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  52. Invisible WomanSeptember 7, 2008 at 1:45 PM

    I admit...I'm seeing GYM. But I always hate myself in the morning. The bright side, it's a great place to learn alpha mom behaviors.

    ReplyDelete
  53. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2008 at 5:03 PM

    OH my goodness. You made me pee a little. I need to have a similar conversation with our Gym.

    ReplyDelete
  54. LeslieSeptember 7, 2008 at 7:56 PM

    I can understand how you feel. I don't blame you. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  55. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2008 at 8:52 PM

    I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Sue Yor awesome!
    You crack me up.

    ReplyDelete
  56. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2008 at 8:54 PM

    9am Balletone be there

    ReplyDelete
  57. Lisa-liciousSeptember 9, 2008 at 12:50 AM

    I look at my ass this way...I compare it to television sets. It was at one time "rear-projection". I was really hitting "the GYM" for a while, and it progressed to "High-Definition". Now, sadly, "Flat-screen". I blame you, Sue, for getting me addicted to this blah-ging! Love you, hate you, love you, love you, love you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Tonya StaabSeptember 14, 2008 at 7:42 PM

    yeh, thanks for that reminder. Note to self. Get fat ass off the computer chair and do a half dozen sit-ups before making next blog comment.

    ReplyDelete
  59. LiteralDanSeptember 26, 2008 at 6:54 PM

    This is just like me, except I never went to the gym in the first place.

    ReplyDelete