Thursday, October 16, 2014

Things I Need To Do Before I Die of Ebola



So Fox News' Shepard Smith went on a viral (ha) rant yesterday about how everybody should calm the fuck down already about Ebola.

Even though I suspect Shepard is rocking guyliner (see Exhibit A)

Exhibit A:


I really, really, really wanna believe him due to my inherently panicky anxiety-ridden hypochondriac overly-prepared nature.

(see Y2K)
(see SARS)
(see Bird Flu)
(see Mad Cow Disease)

In the event that we are, in fact, all doomed, here is my Ebola Bucket List. I'm guessing I have about 9 months to a year.

EBOLA BUCKET LIST

• Find out what a 3D printer does

• Hire a professional dance group and professional actor to flash-mob propose to me

• Watch all 5 seasons of Breaking Bad on Netflix (I know I know I know)

• Learn to booty clap

• Kidnap Khal Drogo from Games of Thrones at gunpoint

actually after that one^, I'm pretty much set.